The Ultimate Guide to Choosing Your Perfect Poly Partners

Mar 28 '2021, 6:02 PM | By Chris

The Ultimate Guide to Choosing Your Perfect Poly Partners

If you’re new to polyamory, potential partners way ahead of you in the game will avoid you like the plague because you probably have a lot to learn and they won’t have the patience. Of course, why would they risk the emotional traumas when they can easily find themselves a stable partner? The stakes are even higher in polygamy, which involves a legally-binding agreement in the form of marriage.

But that’s not necessarily the case for everyone – especially not for those who go through this guide. In this guide, we’ll equip you with all you need to know to present yourself as a seasoned polyamory pro to your potential polygamy partner to make them open up easily to you.

We’ll be covering:

1. Hard facts about finding a partner

2. A checklist for finding partners

3. The best places for finding partners

Let’s dive in!

Some Iron-Clad Facts You Shouldn’t Ignore When Searching for a Partner

First, let’s talk about some hard facts you need to have at the back of your mind all through your search. These facts are immutable and non-negotiable, regardless of your circumstance. You can’t build a solid foundation for your poly partners if you ignore them.

You Need to Find a Polygamy Partner for the Right Reasons

If straight-off the bat you go looking for a partner with the wrong motives, you shouldn’t expect the relationship to work for long.

For a stable, lasting relationship, you’d want to make sure that your motives match the qualities you need in your potential partner. It could be a total disaster if those two don’t meet. For instance, if you’re looking for long-distance relationships, you need to look for a partner who can accommodate your long absence.

You Need a Set of Guidelines for the Relationship

A clear set of guidelines will help make your relationship more predictable – especially on your own end. This will help you establish expectations and ease anxiety in the relationship. With this guideline, you’ll know exactly what to do in delicate situations to prevent emotional fallouts.

Here are some questions you should ask yourself when creating your guidelines;

· What do I generally want in this relationship?

· What would I love to have but can do without?

· What are things that I must have?

Use these questions to set guidelines for various circumstances from pregnancy to sharing your living space, and safe sex practices.

You can’t Plan Your Partner’s Life for Them

As much as you’d love for your plans for the relationship to pan out well, you shouldn’t bank on the predictions you make about your partner’s behaviors. It’s best to come with multiple plans and an exit strategy to cover just about any event. You can’t dictate how they see and feel about things, so it’s best to focus on your own actions and behaviors in your plan.

Your Relationship Can Change or Evolve Over Time

You should also prepare your mind for circumstances where either of you changes your mind about the relationship. But sometimes, this change occurs subtly, slowly eating up the relationship from the inside and building into a serious breach of trust.

It’s best to keep track of any possible changes to your relationship to minimize the damage that might occur down the line. One of the best ways to do this is by creating a relationship playbook that you can frequently revisit and revise whenever you feel something odd is happening.

Regular Check-Ins is Essential

As in every relationship, communication is the key in your polygamous relationships. If the channels for communicating thoughts and feelings are blocked or obstructed, the bottled-up emotions and thoughts might be released through other channels that are not healthy for the relationship – jealousy fits, for example.

Disagreements are Bound to Happen

You shouldn’t expect your ideal partner to sees eye-to-eye with you in every issue. Rather than making you happy and at ease, a yes-yes partner can quickly bore you out.

A little bit of variety isn’t bad for your relationship, so you need to be prepared to court each other’s differences and agree to disagree.

Therapists and Relationship Coaches Can Help You Find a Good Partner

Relationship coaches can help you establish your motives and the right qualities you should expect from your potential partner. They can also talk to your potential partner to help you resolve any critical differences that may fizzle out the flow of the relationship.

A Checklist for Your Search

Now that you’re acquainted with facts that’ll help you lay a solid foundation for your relationship, you know exactly what your relationship should look like in general.

But you need to drill down more specifically on the qualities of your potential partner. To help you do that, here’s a checklist you should use when checking out potential candidates:

What Makes You Jealous?

Some people are fine with their partners having casual sex with others, but not with a deeply intimate relationship – where the partner virtually sells their soul. It can be quite dicey to gauge your jealous impulses – sometimes you need to take the plunge and learn the hard way with a real-life situation.

If you can’t handle seeing your polygamy partner dating others, then you can limit your search to partners who’ll make out with other people while they’re with you. Here are some questions you should ask yourself:

Do I feel secure about this relationship?

What level of commitment can I tolerate in my partner’s relationship with others?

Can we resolve fights easily?

Can we both agree on certain rules and goals?

Are You Both on the Same Page over your Relationship Style?

It’s never advisable to go looking for a polygamy partner in a monogamist. You and your partner should agree on the type of relationship you want from the onset. Don’t go in while hiding the fact that you’re looking to have a polygamous relationship. It’s unethical and could backfire.

What Motivates Your Partner?

You’ll most likely succeed in your relationship if you and your partner have common goals. For starters, you and your partner need to be on the same page about the limitations of monogamy and how to explore polyamory relationship to fill the void.

A simple motivation to find more love and happiness in life can keep your relationship going during a thorny patch. For polygamous relationships, partners are usually motivated by more tangible benefits like financial stability or ability to support certain lifestyles.

Do We Have a Future?

Do you intend to quit the relationship at a certain point in time – probably when you have kids or take on a political office? You should make this clear from the get-go and have your partner prepared for that eventuality.

You can also talk about your future with them anytime you feel like the relationship is heading off the rails. You two should be able to talk to each other comfortably about the future of the relationship whenever something’s bothering you.

The Best Places to Find Your Polygamy Partners

Armed with your checklist and guidelines for finding polygamy partners and managing your emotions and behaviors, you’re now fully equipped for your search.

Here are some of the best places you should check out first.

Ashley Madison

One of the most renowned meeting places for polyamorists on the web is Ashley Madison. With over 54 million users from all works of life, you’ll have plenty of options to explore here. You can also rest assured that the people you meet will most likely get on the same page with you. The platform parades itself as one for the “most open-minded” relationships. Users here range from single to married, sexually curious, and swingers.

The site also has a good track record of safeguarding the security and privacy of its users, so you can feel at ease about sharing your personal information n the platform.

Feeld

Feeld is another popular destination for polygamists. However, the user base here isn’t as refined as that of Ashley Madison or other platforms, as it’s mainly frequented by people looking for flings and one-night-stands, not a lasting relationship.

However, with over a million users, you still stand a good chance of finding good partners who share the same goals as yours.

Feeld also has a bad reputation for bugs and glitches in its app, but its website is more stable. Most web and mobile app users enjoy a wide variety of features that connect them with potential partners, including incognito mode, couple accounts, and group chats.

Fetlife

If you’re looking for a poly relationship with fringe sexual behaviors like fetishes and BDSM, Fetlife is right in your alley.

The site boasts over 8.5 million users worldwide, many of whom are fervid fans of extreme fringe behaviors.

Fetlife is also integrated with Facebook, with users allowed to share their Facebook groups, events, profiles, and multimedia with others on the platform.

OkCupid

One of the oldest dating sites on the internet, OKCupid is one of the best places where you can find polyamory partners today.

But as a long-established platform, OKCupid is heavily frequented by people looking for more traditional relationships. However, given a user base of over 5 million people, you still stand a good chance of finding polygamy partners here.

The platform’s matching system can help you quickly find potential partners, showing you people whose preferences are comparable to yours. Note, however, that polyamory users here often use emojis and code words to describe what they want, so you need to find and use these code words when searching for your partner.

Meetup

This platform is also frequented by decent, everyday people looking for poly relationships. The platform can match you with potential partners based not only on your sexual preferences and goals but also factors like hobbies. You might be in luck to find a polygamy partner who not only shares your relationship goals but also shares your same hobbies.

Another advantage of using Meetup is that their user base is spread more evenly across the nation, so you’ll have nearly as many partners to choose from as people living in major cities.

Connect With Your Polygamy Partner Today

You don’t need to make any major lifestyle changes to prepare for your polygamy partner. All you need to do is to come to terms with your emotions and personal needs. Once you’ve established these, you can then set out to find a partner who can cater to those needs. There are a plethora of places to find potential candidates, but you need to ensure that the partner you choose is motivated toward the same goals.