Dating Safety Tips and Dating Violence Red Flags

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Meeting new people can feel exciting and full of possibilities. You get to dress up, share stories, and maybe form a real connection. Despite all the good that can happen, it’s important to remember that some people are not who they appear to be. Geoffrey Paschel, for example, was on the fourth season of 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days but was later convicted of kidnapping and assaulting his ex-fiancée, Kristen Wilson. In that 2019 incident, Wilson ended up with a concussion, bruises, and cuts. Paschel also had previous drug charges on his record, which affected his sentencing in February 2022. He received 18 years without parole. This case is a clear reminder that someone’s outward charm can disguise an abusive or dangerous side, and you can experience this at any stage of dating, even a first date.

Many people who go through frightening or toxic situations never receive widespread attention or a clear sense of justice. Sometimes, they are unaware of the risk they are in until they’ve suffered real damage. That’s why it can help to know the red flags from the start, along with safety tips for meeting someone for the first time. Below, you’ll find suggestions for keeping your first date safer, spotting warning signs if you decide to continue the relationship, understanding online dating risks, and knowing where to turn if trouble arises. This advice isn’t meant to scare you away from dating. Instead, it gives you tools to stay mindful and safe while you explore new connections.

Staying Safe on a First Date

Choosing the right setting for a first date can make a huge difference in how comfortable and secure you feel. Public places with plenty of people around, like coffee shops, casual restaurants, or even a daytime park event, are great for an initial meeting. Avoid secluded spots, your own house, or your date’s place right away. If the person you’re meeting knows where you live and the encounter turns awkward or frightening, they could show up at your home unannounced in the future. Some people even prefer meeting in a part of town that’s different from where they live, just in case the date doesn’t go well.

Planning your own way to get there and back is another step toward controlling your safety. Drive yourself, take a rideshare, or have a friend drop you off and pick you up. That way, you can leave whenever you want and aren’t stuck waiting on someone who might be making you uncomfortable. If the date seems nice, you can always stay longer. But if you feel pressured or uneasy, you can exit quickly without depending on the other person.

It’s also smart to let a friend or family member know your plans. Give them the time and place of the date, the name of the person you’re meeting, and a rough estimate of when you’ll be home. You could use check-in apps like uSafeUs or SafeDate that send reminders for you to confirm you’re safe. Another option is sharing your phone’s real-time location using something like Google Maps on Android or the Find My app on iPhone. A simple code word agreed upon in advance can be your way of saying, “Help me out” without the other person realizing you’re calling for backup.

Many people also choose to limit or skip alcohol and other substances on a first date. Drinking can dull your judgment and make it harder to notice red flags. If you do decide to drink, consider a lower limit that helps you remain alert. If you start feeling uncomfortable due to the situation or the amount you’ve had to drink, remember you can always leave. Your safety comes first.

First Date Red Flags

Even if you follow these precautions, it’s important to keep an eye out for behavior that signals potential danger. Here are some red flags to watch for right away:

• They keep pushing to go somewhere private. If your date insists on leaving your public location to go back to your place or theirs, especially when you’ve just met, this can be a tactic to isolate you. Trust your intuition if you feel rushed or uneasy.

• They ignore your personal space. Maybe they try to hug or kiss you when you haven’t shown interest, or they keep touching you despite hints (or outright statements) that you’re uncomfortable. Disregarding boundaries is a strong sign of disrespect. For more on limits in relationships, check out polyamory and healthy boundaries.

• They use negging or half-insults. Negging involves backhanded compliments that are meant to lower your self-esteem. Comments like, “I’m surprised that outfit looks good on you,” or, “You’re actually smart for someone who didn’t go to college,” are designed to make you crave their approval.

• They refuse to change locations or plans. If you propose a different spot and they ignore your suggestion, it could mean they don’t care about your comfort. In extreme cases, it might even indicate they planned something you wouldn’t like.

• They keep lying or changing their stories. If your date contradicts their own background info or job details, they might be hiding something bigger. Be wary of repeated inconsistencies.

• They trash everyone around them. If they spend most of the date criticizing former partners, coworkers, family members, or friends, it could hint at deeper emotional problems. They might eventually treat you the same way.

• They love bomb you. Over-the-top affection or expensive gifts right from the start might seem flattering, but it’s sometimes a ploy to make you feel indebted or attached. Abusers often use love bombing before showing controlling behavior.

• They pick fights over tiny things. It’s normal to have different opinions, but constant arguments or raised voices over small details may reveal anger issues. A calm conversation should not feel like a battle.

New Relationship Red Flags

If your first few dates go smoothly and you decide to keep seeing each other, pay attention to how things progress:

1. They don’t respect your time or opinions. A partner might demand that you drop your hobbies or constantly rearrange your schedule to please them. Small demands can quickly turn into major control tactics, eroding your personal life.

2. They threaten you. Threats can be physical or emotional, including breaking objects, raising a hand to intimidate you, or implying they’ll harm themselves if you don’t comply. None of that should ever be part of a loving or healthy bond.

3. They make every decision for you. It’s fine if they occasionally pick a restaurant or plan an outing, but if you’re never allowed input or feel guilty for disagreeing, that’s an alarming pattern. Healthy relationships involve both people having a say.

4. They interfere with birth control. In a heterosexual relationship, lying about contraceptives or insisting that you avoid them is known as reproductive coercion. Learn more at reproductive coercion. You have every right to protect your body.

5. They isolate you from loved ones. Individuals who want total control might discourage you from seeing friends or family. They could claim your friends are a bad influence or make you feel guilty for having your own support network. As Waypoint Services explains, isolating someone is a common tactic in dating violence.

6. They pressure you to do things you don’t want to do. This could be about alcohol, drugs, or sexual acts. People like Geoffrey Paschel have used force or intimidation to get their way. If you notice controlling or scary behavior at any point, trust your gut and create distance sooner rather than later.

Online Dating Safety

Many people today meet potential dates through apps or websites. While this can be a great way to connect with people you’d never meet otherwise, it also carries certain risks:

• Watch out for fake or catfishing profiles. Some people post stolen photos or made-up details to earn your trust.

• In niche dating circles, such as polyamorous communities, scammers might pretend to be into the lifestyle but are actually seeking money or personal info. For more on this, read red flags in online poly dating.

• Avoid sharing your address or too many personal details too quickly. If someone tries to steer the conversation toward your finances, that’s a major red flag.

• Use apps or sites that give you ways to report suspicious behavior. Look for platforms with security features like photo verification or background checks.

Protecting yourself online also means securing your digital presence. Be cautious about sending private photos or information that could be used against you later. Don’t click on any suspicious links that someone you barely know sends you, and do a bit of research on the person if something feels off.

Additional Safety Strategies

Encourage open communication with friends. If your close friends notice changes in your behavior or suspect something is wrong, listen to them. They might see troubling patterns before you do. Regularly checking in with a friend about your dating experiences can help you stay aware of red flags.

Trust your instincts. If a voice in your head tells you something isn’t right, take it seriously. Often, people downplay their own concerns to avoid seeming rude or dramatic, but ignoring your intuition can lead to real harm. It’s always better to be cautious than to stick around in a risky situation.

Know that leaving might mean leaving fast. In some cases, your safety can depend on leaving without giving the other person a warning. That might mean stepping away while they’re distracted or even calling a friend to come get you. You never owe someone who makes you feel unsafe a lengthy explanation for why you want to go.

Create a practical plan. If you plan on going out with someone you don’t know well, consider having a friend call you at a certain time to confirm everything is okay. You could also arrange a subtle “I need help” text you can send if you require an excuse to leave.

Where to Get Help

If you ever feel scared or suspect your relationship is taking a dangerous turn, reaching out for support is vital. Confidential hotlines are available to listen and guide you:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

• RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Local shelters, nonprofit organizations, and hotlines often provide free advice, counseling, and even safe housing if you face an immediate threat. Sometimes, talking to a friend, counselor, or relative helps you gain the clarity to see that you’re in a harmful situation. People on the outside may notice shifts in your mood or behavior that you’ve become too overwhelmed to see yourself.

Staying safe doesn’t mean you have to be suspicious of everyone you meet. Dating can still open doors to wonderful friendships, experiences, and even a life partner. However, when you take steps like meeting in public, telling a friend your plans, and knowing your personal boundaries, you’re better equipped to spot problems early. The balance between open-mindedness and caution is what helps you stay both safe and social.

Keep in mind that you have every right to feel comfortable and respected in any dating scenario. If something or someone sets off alarm bells, trusting your instincts can keep you from getting tangled in a bad situation. While you can’t always predict how someone will act, having a plan in place, like a friend’s check-in call, can make a big difference.

Ultimately, the most important thing is remembering that you deserve safety, respect, and honesty in your dating life. If you ever find yourself in a situation that feels wrong, there’s no shame in stepping away. You never owe someone more time if they’re crossing lines or making you feel uneasy. By practicing these safety habits, you’ll be able to explore the dating world with more confidence, knowing you’re looking out for your well-being at every step.

Published By: Sister Wives  

Matchmakers Inc