Polyamory vs Open Relationships

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WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP AND AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP?

Inquiring minds often wonder if being in an open relationship is the same as being polyamorous. While the two share certain characteristics, they’re actually quite different. According to Renee Divine, L.M.F.T., a sex and relationships therapist in Minneapolis, MN, “An open relationship is one where one or both partners have a desire for sexual relationships outside of each other, and polyamory is about having intimate, loving relationships with multiple people.” Both are forms of consensual non-monogamy, but the specifics can vary depending on your goals and boundaries.

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR MORE LOVE OR MORE SEX?

Open relationships typically begin with partners who want additional sexual experiences beyond their main relationship. They still share intimacy and affection with each other, but they seek fulfillment or novelty from others in a physical sense. The idea is that everyone consents to these outside sexual encounters, but there isn’t usually an expectation of deeper emotional involvement. Divine points out that “People are looking for different experiences and want to meet needs that aren’t being met in the relationship, but there’s never an intention for feelings to get involved.”

Polyamory goes beyond this by welcoming emotional connections with more than one partner at a time. It’s not just about physical experiences. Divine explains that in polyamory, “The whole point is to fall in love with multiple people,” so relationships can be on equal footing rather than having one primary partner. For instance, solo poly folks may have multiple loving relationships simultaneously, all treated with the same level of commitment.

KEEPING THINGS OPEN OR CLOSED

By definition, poly relationships are open in the sense that more than two partners are involved. However, not all poly groups seek new partners. Some are “closed” and not actively dating anyone else. In a closed poly setup, a group might have multiple loving bonds among its members, but no one is looking to expand the group any further.

In an open relationship, on the other hand, there’s usually a core couple, and they allow some degree of sexual exploration. They may or may not share details of these outside encounters with each other. Some people prefer transparency about every date or hookup, while others keep it private to maintain boundaries and minimize potential jealousy.

WHAT KIND OF BOUNDARIES DO YOU WANT TO SET?

Open relationships often have guidelines about what is acceptable when seeking outside sexual connections. Some couples might want to discuss every aspect of these encounters, while others feel more comfortable staying in the dark about them. There can also be decisions about whether partners can spend the night elsewhere, how often they go out with others, and whether they engage in group scenarios such as swinging.

Polyamory usually involves more frequent and deeper conversations about boundaries because it includes emotional connections. People often talk about being “kitchen-table poly,” meaning everyone in the group can hang out together and share daily life. It’s also possible for two poly partners to date the same person or form a triad, which is less common in an open relationship that focuses only on outside sexual activity.

SHOULD YOU GIVE IT A TRY?

If monogamy feels limiting and you crave more flexibility, exploring open relationships or polyamory could be worth considering. Which style fits best depends on whether you want purely physical connections or if you’re interested in building emotional bonds with more people.

Divine notes, “Open relationships tend to be more focused on having sex outside a main relationship, but keeping that primary, dyadic relationship as the first priority.” Some couples discover that one person is comfortable with the other seeking purely physical connections, but they don’t want emotional attachments forming outside the partnership.

People may be drawn to these relationship styles for a variety of reasons. Some have been together for years and want to spice up their connection. Others feel that a single partnership isn’t enough to fulfill their romantic or emotional needs. “It revolves around a two-way love,” Divine says of those who prefer open relationships that remain grounded in a main pairing.

Polyamory, on the other hand, revolves around the belief that you can love more than one person wholeheartedly. Divine says, “They’re open to additional people in that way, and they want that emotional attachment. Plural love is the main focus.”

COMMUNICATION IS KEY

No matter which path you choose, communication is essential. Let all partners know what changes are happening, what you expect, and where your boundaries lie. Divine says, “In some couples, one wants to try something new, and the other is okay with that, without participating themselves.” That can work if everyone is honest and respects each other’s comfort levels.

The best results typically come from mutual understanding and ongoing check-ins. Be upfront about needs and any concerns that come up. When people share a common goal and stay transparent about their experiences, these non-monogamous relationships can thrive for everyone involved.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc