Poly Politics - Making Life and Love Make Sense

Feb 26 '2020, 8:50 PM | By Chris

Everyone has an opinion. Hell, some people have a lot of opinions. Some feel strongly about one thing or another, and some don’t feel too concerned about anything at all. Sayings like “it takes all kinds,” or “different strokes for different folks,” often oversimplify the trauma differences of opinion can inflict on people or relationships. The severity of these impacts seems to be heightened in our modern times. People today are very divided and far too willing to draw lines in the sand that nobody can even dare step too close to. Life is politics. This is nothing new. What’s new is the fervor that has become so common when concerning one’s opinions. It’s as though our opinions are the last thing we feel we have to define ourselves as an individual even though they are mostly derived from memes, sound bites, and whatever media outlet you’re most exposed to. There are two ways poly people can be affected by this. One is negative views of your relationships from outside of your circle of supportive family and friends. The other is when extreme views seep into the mind of someone you love. It’s very hard to change minds and hearts, but living with adverse views isn’t impossible if you’ve decided to try.

Before deciding to live with a partner or loved one with opposing extremist views you should decide if it’s really worth it. Saying goodbye is usually no fun, but it’s a hell of a lot better than compromising your life and happiness because you’re afraid to do so. People with strong views don’t always press those views onto others. If you’re loved one has no trouble giving you space for your political leanings without passively or actively ‘punishing’ you, and you have no trouble shrugging off the times they rant to others, you might be fine. If your loved one is angry inside because you disagree with them it’s time to do some serious soul searching as to why you’re with them. There is a lot of ‘in between’ with these two situations and where you stand is something only you can know. Unfortunately, when two people are very different politically they stand a big chance of eventually growing apart. Trying to find common ground and encouraging more moderate views can stave this off, but be careful not to start giving so much that you’re losing yourself in their world of obsession. Relationships are about growth and support, not use and abuse that favors one, or more, over another. If you can’t ‘do you’ in a relationship, you need to get away.

Sister wives, or a woman looking to become a sister wife, should be vigilantly aware of the political leanings of a man or family of interest, as well as their religious views. It’s a whole new era for polygamous people as plural relationships continue entering the realm of societal norms, but archaic views of women and family can still be found. Modern women have choices when it comes to the relationships and sexuality that works for them and there are men out there that resent it. Men looking for sister wives need to be clear about their intentions. If a woman desires a traditional, patriarchal, marriage she is free to find a husband that will indulge her fantasies. If a woman wants nothing to do with patriarchal leadership she needs to know the questions to ask early in any dating situation to ensure she’s entertaining an option that will respect her right to a marriage of equality. Avoiding a crippling situation is the first line of defense. If you’re already in a situation where the views of one person in your life are treading on your individual sovereignty and happiness, be careful, but start developing a way out. Look for resources, talk to friends, hide money, or whatever is necessary to safely get, and stay, away. If you’re simply at odds with your partner, or partners, you again can attempt to pull them to a more moderate place, but don’t be afraid of the moment you have to admit it’s not worth it. True love will pull people closer together, not force them to compromise in order to save a relationship. There is nothing wrong with knowing when something isn’t working for you.

The best of relationships, especially when you’re polyamorous, can fall under some terribly heavy scrutiny from the outside world. Beautiful polygamous families will never garner a positive thought or gesture from a person that believes they represent perversion or evil. A group of men in love, or group of women in love, and enjoying life together for some will only ever conjure thoughts of lives controlled by the ‘Devil.’ Some people will never accept any form of love that doesn’t match their narrow views of the world. It’s actually rather funny to think many of them believe they’re following their beloved Bible when the Bible is full of polyamory and/or polygamy. There is no way we can make everyone like or respect us, so as long as they aren’t involved in our lives personally we have to accept it. Acceptance doesn’t mean we have to let them affect us. We each have every right to tell our opponents to leave us alone. Being poly means you need to have some thicker skin so you’re not upset every time you feel judged. It’s going to happen and there is nothing that will change it. This is why it’s important to find your community of support. Support within your relationship is great, but support from others with poly lives in common is even better. Be there for your poly community and they will be there for you.

Making life and love make sense is something every human being struggles with. It’s easy to feel like you’re alone in your struggle when you live a life some others label ‘alternative’. Adversity and difference is an unavoidable reality for us all. Finding the confidence to embrace yourself and to be totally authentic without discounting others is an art form we should all be developing, all the time. That won’t be the case so learning to face criticism gracefully is the alternative. When our nearest and dearest make life difficult it’s important to remember your love for them, but also to require them to hold up their end of the bargain. Nobody has enough time to waste it on anyone that doesn’t appreciate them as they are. Finding and living a poly love life is a gift we give to ourselves. We can know love that moves beyond the limits society has decided we should live by. Don’t let anyone, inside or outside, take away your joy. Love everyone, every day, as much as you can, and demand the respect you are owed so you can live your fullest life.