Chris's article

Online dating is already challenging on its own, having to evade romance scams and catfish profiles. Dating as a straight male or female, however, is easy because most dating services are coded to meet the heteronormative individual’s needs. Ironically, the gender binary mirrors the binary code, a phenomenon we see on most dating sites.

Here’s what I mean.

Most Dating Sites Are Not Made for Poly Users

When you identify as one or the other in the gender binary, the binary code heeds your call. M looking for F or F looking for M — it’s simple. If you identify as non-binary or anything other than cis-het, it’s a whole different experience. Such is the case for most LGBTQIAPD+ people on dating apps.

Many of us who don’t identify as strictly cis-het face discrimination on dating apps and sites. For instance, if you put yourself out there as a poly individual on your profile description, you’re more likely to get banned. I’ve experienced it myself.

Unfortunately, Tinder, Match Group LLC is one of the main offenders. Even moderately popular dating services like #open aren’t immune to this unfairness. In fact, Google Play suspended #open in 2021, citing violation of Google’s “Sexual Content and Profanity policy” as the reason.

But how can an app who supports ethical non-monogamy be guilty of promoting profanity and inappropriate sexual content, while large players like Tinder, who are infamous for hookup culture, remain untouched?

The simple truth is, most dating apps don’t cater to poly members.

Does Tinder Allow Joint Accounts?

Per their terms of service, Tinder does not allow joint accounts between partners or friends.

What Are Other Poly Dating Apps?

There are many poly-friendly dating apps and services available such as Sister Wives®. Other options are OkCupid, #open, Feeld, and Bumble.

Other Instances of Discrimination in the Poly Community

Although the United States (and other countries) are making progress by acknowledging the validity of poly families, instituting anti-discriminatory laws, and busting down myths about being poly, the LGBTQIAPD+ community as a whole still faces momentous obstacles.

Laws That Promote Intolerance

● Illegality of gay marriage in many countries

● Illegality of poly marriages in most countries

● Lack of protection against dsicrimination based on gender identity when it comes to housing, employment, and public accommodations (Wisconsin, USA)

● Lack of mental and other medical support specially designed for LGBTQIAPD+ patients

● Lack of financial help for transgender patients

Attitudes and Misconceptions That Encourage Stereotypes

● Asexual people and many LGBTQIAPD+ folks have a mental illness

● Poly users on dating services (and in person) are just looking for promiscuous relations

● Children raised by same-sex parents are traumatized or develop unhealthily

● Identifying as LGBTQIAPD+ is wrong, abnormal, and not valid

● Identifying as poly is just a fad

● Marriage is strictly between one man and one woman

● Identifying as LGBTQIAPD+ means your parents raised you “wrong”

Why Discriminatory Laws and Attitudes Matter

When your gender identity and sexual orientation are threatened by the very law of the land, you cannot enjoy the same freedoms as your heterosexual, cisgender peers. Unfair treatment against the LGBTQIAPD+ community is prevalent.

These unfair treatments include substantial setbacks like being unable to close a house deal because the seller is prejudiced against same-sex relationships. Other seemingly minor but equally unjust incidents include being exempt from simple privileges like using a dating app when you identify as poly.

As a result, your life is governed by inconvenience at best, and malicious injustice at worst.

That’s why we have to challenge discrimination when we see it. Large dating services banning poly and other LGBTQIAPD+ users is only a small aspect of the bigoted system that keeps the our community oppressed.

Protecting Sister Wives® Users From Discrimination

All of us at Sister Wives® have been champions of poly love for more than 12 years, and we’re not going anywhere. Unlike other platforms, our service allows you to sign up as an individual, couple, or group. We understand that not every relationship fits a certain mold—particularly a monogamous one—and we support that.

Whether you’re a couple seeking an individual to create a hierarchical poly relationship with, or a solo polyamorist in search of other solo polyamorists, we can help you find the relationship configuration that works for you.

Sign up today to witness Sister Wives®’ unparalleled community for yourself.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

Online dating is a convenient service, but it has its risks. One of these risks is encountering people who run romance scams. According to the FBI, romance scammers are “[criminals who adopt] a fake online identity to gain a victim’s affection and trust” and eventually ask for money using different excuses.

Unfortunately, romance scammers often prey on members of dating platforms like Sister Wives. We are taking proper measures to stop these con artists, but scammers are finding new ways to bypass security measures.

That’s why we’ve prepared a deep dive here on what romance scams are, warning signs of a romance scam, and how to avoid them. Your safety is one of our top priorities as a dating service, so let’s review together what we can do to stop romance scammers.

Different types of romance scams

Deception is the heart of these dishonorable schemes. The perpetrator’s game plan is to trick you into a vulnerable position, whether that’s gaining access to your online accounts or blackmailing you into sending money.

Money mules

Some victims have reported money laundering scams where a criminal gains access to their bank accounts to move dirty money. The funds can be moved through various means like gift cards, cryptocurrency, and money orders.

Fake checks

Scammers can also ask you to cash a check because they claim that they don’t have access to their banking accounts. They may ask you to wire that money before it clears, and you may be left penniless when the check bounces.

Cryptocurrency investment

Newer approaches to romance scams include asking victims to invest in cryptocurrency. Someone might also ask you to send money via cryptocurrency if they are trying to launder large amounts of capital without dealing with banks.

Gift cards

Gift cards are a common way romance scammers make or move money. They may ask you to reload or buy them gift cards, citing excuses like their checking account is frozen or they lost their wallet.

Personal information compromised and stolen

More malicious scams include sending malware through dating apps or services. When you open the message or link, it might compromise your device, leaving your personal information exposed.

Another common scheme is when romance scammers send you an email or text message asking you to verify your information on the dating site. It is not actually sent by the dating service, but by someone trying to steal your data.

When you open the message or link, it will ask you for sensitive information such as your social security number or credit card security code.

Sextortion scams

Sextortion happens when a person uses compromising pictures or videos of you to extort you for money. To avoid revealing their face, scammers might say that their camera is not working all the while encouraging you to pose or perform sexually suggestive acts with the intent of blackmailing you afterwards.

Immigration scams

If you are messaging someone who claims to be from another country, they might ask you for money to pay off their visa, plane ticket, or customs fees to visit you. They take advantage of your emotions and emphasize that they would love to see you in person, but they cannot afford it.

Online dating red flags that can indicate someone is dangerous

One warning sign to be wary of is when someone immediately wants to meet you in person. However, romance scammers usually try to avoid meeting in person unless it’s part of their strategy. Consider these other atypical behaviors that let you know when someone has bad intentions.

They claim to be in a certain profession

Romance scammers adopt fake personas when they sign up for dating sites.  One way to spot a liar is if they can’t or won’t provide you with more details when you ask them about their work.

● Construction or building industry worker

● Soldier

● Doctor who travels internationally

● Worker on an oil platform

These professions often work outside of their home country, so it’s easy for scammers to pretend that they can’t meet you.

They suddenly have an emergency and they need your financial help

In 2020, the Federal Trade Commission reported that consumers lost $547 million to romance scams, the highest it’s ever been. This is also the largest figure in any of the fraud categories including identity theft, credit scams, and false lotteries.

On average, a person over 70 years old lost about $9,000 while someone aged 18 to 29 years old lost about $750. It may seem unbelievable, but sadly, romance scammers are expert manipulators.

Romance scammers will try to gain your trust first before asking for any money. Then they might claim any of the following reasons for needing your financial help:

● Medical emergency fees

● Legal fees

● They lost their debit card, so they need a gift card

● They came across a good investment opportunity

● Money for a flight

● They need to pay taxes for items in customs

● They need money to pay off their college degree before they can meet you

● They need you to cash a check and wire them the money

● Gambling debt

They want to know every single detail about you

This can be a sign of a stalker, someone too eager, or someone trying to pull an identity theft heist. You may be answering their questions left and right, but they never give you a chance to ask you about them.

In fact, they might not reveal anything personal about themselves at all — a huge red flag. This is also a tactic that romance scammers use to make their interest in your budding relationship seem genuine. They want to appear charming and engaged.

They want to meet you immediately without getting to know each other first

In a similar vein, they want to meet you ASAP when you haven’t established what relationship you’re looking for yet. Moreover, they might be insisting that you pay for their roundtrip flights and other travel fees (via money transfer) so they can meet you.

They pressure you to send pictures or videos you don’t feel comfortable sharing

A romance scammer may ask you for explicit content repeatedly even after you’ve declined. They may even try to guilt you into meeting their demands by saying they sent you pictures and videos (that you didn’t ask for), so why shouldn’t you?

This pressure is called sexual harassment and is also a form of sextortion and sextortion scams. You can also perform a reverse search image on any pictures they send to verify that it is not a stock photo or a photo of another person.

Best practices when online dating

Here are some tried-and-true tips for online dating safety.

Don’t share too much information at first

If someone’s nagging you for extremely personal information during the early days, stop there. This can be interpreted as endearing, but it can also indicate that they are trying to gather intelligence on you.

On the Sister Wives platform, we discourage members from sharing outside profile links partly for safety reasons such as this. This is a list of things you should keep private until you get to know this person better.

● Company address/company name/ your position within the company

● Home address/neighborhood

● Family information, e.g. your parents’ names, your children’s names

Don’t move to SMS text immediately

If you meet someone on a dating site or app, stay on the platform. Don’t rush to exchange numbers until you’ve vetted them through video call or met them in person. When they have your phone number, they might be able to extract other information about you online like your address or full name.

Staying on the platform also leaves a paper trail in case of suspicious behavior. Always report harassment or other questionable behavior so that person can be suspended or banned from the app/service.

What is Sister Wives doing to protect its users?

Sister Wives is actively stopping romance scammers on its platforms. Romance scams are at an all-time high, and we want to make sure your dating experience is not sullied by these criminals.

That’s why we monitor for fake profiles and we flag and block IP addresses and entire IP ranges.

What to do if you are involved in a romance scam

If you fall victim to a romance scammer, don’t feel guilty or foolish. These con artists take advantage of people who are looking for real connections with genuine human beings.

Report them to the Federal Trade Commission

If there is a substantial amount of money involved — and even if there isn’t — you can contact the right authorities. You can file a report online here.

If you are on Sister Wives or another dating service, report the profile

You can block other members on Sister Wives and most dating services or aps. If you suspect that someone is a scammer on our platforms, you can send us an email here on sisterwives.com.

Freeze your accounts, change your cards, contact the right companies

If you gave them access to your bank account or another card, contact the company and let them know you want to change your account information. Change your security passwords.

If you paid someone through a gift card, tell the company what happened, and they may be able to refund you. If not, you can file a claim to the FTC.

For more information on dating safety, take a look at our article on how to spot red flags when dating.






Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

Meeting new people can feel exciting and full of possibilities. You get to dress up, share stories, and maybe form a real connection. Despite all the good that can happen, it’s important to remember that some people are not who they appear to be. Geoffrey Paschel, for example, was on the fourth season of 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days but was later convicted of kidnapping and assaulting his ex-fiancée, Kristen Wilson. In that 2019 incident, Wilson ended up with a concussion, bruises, and cuts. Paschel also had previous drug charges on his record, which affected his sentencing in February 2022. He received 18 years without parole. This case is a clear reminder that someone’s outward charm can disguise an abusive or dangerous side, and you can experience this at any stage of dating, even a first date.

Many people who go through frightening or toxic situations never receive widespread attention or a clear sense of justice. Sometimes, they are unaware of the risk they are in until they’ve suffered real damage. That’s why it can help to know the red flags from the start, along with safety tips for meeting someone for the first time. Below, you’ll find suggestions for keeping your first date safer, spotting warning signs if you decide to continue the relationship, understanding online dating risks, and knowing where to turn if trouble arises. This advice isn’t meant to scare you away from dating. Instead, it gives you tools to stay mindful and safe while you explore new connections.

Staying Safe on a First Date

Choosing the right setting for a first date can make a huge difference in how comfortable and secure you feel. Public places with plenty of people around, like coffee shops, casual restaurants, or even a daytime park event, are great for an initial meeting. Avoid secluded spots, your own house, or your date’s place right away. If the person you’re meeting knows where you live and the encounter turns awkward or frightening, they could show up at your home unannounced in the future. Some people even prefer meeting in a part of town that’s different from where they live, just in case the date doesn’t go well.

Planning your own way to get there and back is another step toward controlling your safety. Drive yourself, take a rideshare, or have a friend drop you off and pick you up. That way, you can leave whenever you want and aren’t stuck waiting on someone who might be making you uncomfortable. If the date seems nice, you can always stay longer. But if you feel pressured or uneasy, you can exit quickly without depending on the other person.

It’s also smart to let a friend or family member know your plans. Give them the time and place of the date, the name of the person you’re meeting, and a rough estimate of when you’ll be home. You could use check-in apps like uSafeUs or SafeDate that send reminders for you to confirm you’re safe. Another option is sharing your phone’s real-time location using something like Google Maps on Android or the Find My app on iPhone. A simple code word agreed upon in advance can be your way of saying, “Help me out” without the other person realizing you’re calling for backup.

Many people also choose to limit or skip alcohol and other substances on a first date. Drinking can dull your judgment and make it harder to notice red flags. If you do decide to drink, consider a lower limit that helps you remain alert. If you start feeling uncomfortable due to the situation or the amount you’ve had to drink, remember you can always leave. Your safety comes first.

First Date Red Flags

Even if you follow these precautions, it’s important to keep an eye out for behavior that signals potential danger. Here are some red flags to watch for right away:

• They keep pushing to go somewhere private. If your date insists on leaving your public location to go back to your place or theirs, especially when you’ve just met, this can be a tactic to isolate you. Trust your intuition if you feel rushed or uneasy.

• They ignore your personal space. Maybe they try to hug or kiss you when you haven’t shown interest, or they keep touching you despite hints (or outright statements) that you’re uncomfortable. Disregarding boundaries is a strong sign of disrespect. For more on limits in relationships, check out polyamory and healthy boundaries.

• They use negging or half-insults. Negging involves backhanded compliments that are meant to lower your self-esteem. Comments like, “I’m surprised that outfit looks good on you,” or, “You’re actually smart for someone who didn’t go to college,” are designed to make you crave their approval.

• They refuse to change locations or plans. If you propose a different spot and they ignore your suggestion, it could mean they don’t care about your comfort. In extreme cases, it might even indicate they planned something you wouldn’t like.

• They keep lying or changing their stories. If your date contradicts their own background info or job details, they might be hiding something bigger. Be wary of repeated inconsistencies.

• They trash everyone around them. If they spend most of the date criticizing former partners, coworkers, family members, or friends, it could hint at deeper emotional problems. They might eventually treat you the same way.

• They love bomb you. Over-the-top affection or expensive gifts right from the start might seem flattering, but it’s sometimes a ploy to make you feel indebted or attached. Abusers often use love bombing before showing controlling behavior.

• They pick fights over tiny things. It’s normal to have different opinions, but constant arguments or raised voices over small details may reveal anger issues. A calm conversation should not feel like a battle.

New Relationship Red Flags

If your first few dates go smoothly and you decide to keep seeing each other, pay attention to how things progress:

1. They don’t respect your time or opinions. A partner might demand that you drop your hobbies or constantly rearrange your schedule to please them. Small demands can quickly turn into major control tactics, eroding your personal life.

2. They threaten you. Threats can be physical or emotional, including breaking objects, raising a hand to intimidate you, or implying they’ll harm themselves if you don’t comply. None of that should ever be part of a loving or healthy bond.

3. They make every decision for you. It’s fine if they occasionally pick a restaurant or plan an outing, but if you’re never allowed input or feel guilty for disagreeing, that’s an alarming pattern. Healthy relationships involve both people having a say.

4. They interfere with birth control. In a heterosexual relationship, lying about contraceptives or insisting that you avoid them is known as reproductive coercion. Learn more at reproductive coercion. You have every right to protect your body.

5. They isolate you from loved ones. Individuals who want total control might discourage you from seeing friends or family. They could claim your friends are a bad influence or make you feel guilty for having your own support network. As Waypoint Services explains, isolating someone is a common tactic in dating violence.

6. They pressure you to do things you don’t want to do. This could be about alcohol, drugs, or sexual acts. People like Geoffrey Paschel have used force or intimidation to get their way. If you notice controlling or scary behavior at any point, trust your gut and create distance sooner rather than later.

Online Dating Safety

Many people today meet potential dates through apps or websites. While this can be a great way to connect with people you’d never meet otherwise, it also carries certain risks:

• Watch out for fake or catfishing profiles. Some people post stolen photos or made-up details to earn your trust.

• In niche dating circles, such as polyamorous communities, scammers might pretend to be into the lifestyle but are actually seeking money or personal info. For more on this, read red flags in online poly dating.

• Avoid sharing your address or too many personal details too quickly. If someone tries to steer the conversation toward your finances, that’s a major red flag.

• Use apps or sites that give you ways to report suspicious behavior. Look for platforms with security features like photo verification or background checks.

Protecting yourself online also means securing your digital presence. Be cautious about sending private photos or information that could be used against you later. Don’t click on any suspicious links that someone you barely know sends you, and do a bit of research on the person if something feels off.

Additional Safety Strategies

Encourage open communication with friends. If your close friends notice changes in your behavior or suspect something is wrong, listen to them. They might see troubling patterns before you do. Regularly checking in with a friend about your dating experiences can help you stay aware of red flags.

Trust your instincts. If a voice in your head tells you something isn’t right, take it seriously. Often, people downplay their own concerns to avoid seeming rude or dramatic, but ignoring your intuition can lead to real harm. It’s always better to be cautious than to stick around in a risky situation.

Know that leaving might mean leaving fast. In some cases, your safety can depend on leaving without giving the other person a warning. That might mean stepping away while they’re distracted or even calling a friend to come get you. You never owe someone who makes you feel unsafe a lengthy explanation for why you want to go.

Create a practical plan. If you plan on going out with someone you don’t know well, consider having a friend call you at a certain time to confirm everything is okay. You could also arrange a subtle “I need help” text you can send if you require an excuse to leave.

Where to Get Help

If you ever feel scared or suspect your relationship is taking a dangerous turn, reaching out for support is vital. Confidential hotlines are available to listen and guide you:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

• RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Local shelters, nonprofit organizations, and hotlines often provide free advice, counseling, and even safe housing if you face an immediate threat. Sometimes, talking to a friend, counselor, or relative helps you gain the clarity to see that you’re in a harmful situation. People on the outside may notice shifts in your mood or behavior that you’ve become too overwhelmed to see yourself.

Staying safe doesn’t mean you have to be suspicious of everyone you meet. Dating can still open doors to wonderful friendships, experiences, and even a life partner. However, when you take steps like meeting in public, telling a friend your plans, and knowing your personal boundaries, you’re better equipped to spot problems early. The balance between open-mindedness and caution is what helps you stay both safe and social.

Keep in mind that you have every right to feel comfortable and respected in any dating scenario. If something or someone sets off alarm bells, trusting your instincts can keep you from getting tangled in a bad situation. While you can’t always predict how someone will act, having a plan in place, like a friend’s check-in call, can make a big difference.

Ultimately, the most important thing is remembering that you deserve safety, respect, and honesty in your dating life. If you ever find yourself in a situation that feels wrong, there’s no shame in stepping away. You never owe someone more time if they’re crossing lines or making you feel uneasy. By practicing these safety habits, you’ll be able to explore the dating world with more confidence, knowing you’re looking out for your well-being at every step.

Published By: Sister Wives  

Matchmakers Inc