Chris's article

Published By: Sister Wives 
Matchmakers Inc

How to Navigate Polyamorous Parenting: Challenges and Rewards in a Multi-Partner Family

Polyamorous parenting is often challenging, mostly due to the legal restrictions and social stigma still present in many countries. Yet, it is also quite rewarding, especially to the children, to receive more affection, support and build meaningful relationships with adults they are not biologically related to. Let’s take a look at it in more detail, shall we?

The Challenges of Polyamory and Parenting

Polygamous families and polyamorous ones face several challenges when raising children. The main ones include:

Legal Restrictions

While it is not illegal in most countries, polyamory and parenting are often unregulated by law, meaning that the legal code is adjusted only to monogamous relationships. As a result, parents and their partners need to overcome numerous obstacles on a daily basis – for instance, picking up their child from the nursery or school might even require a power of attorney.

Social stigma

Although society is becoming increasingly accepting of polyamorous relationships, the stigma still exists, especially among the older generations. This makes it exceptionally difficult for polyamorous parents to come out to their children’s grandparents and might even impact the bonds between them.

The same goes, unfortunately, for other people they meet on their way. School workers or other parents might be prejudiced against polyamorous families. In the worst cases, they might try to prevent their kid from befriending your child – a toxic yet probable approach that you might struggle with.

Communication

What should be mentioned in any guide for polyamorous parents is communication, which can become both a challenge and a benefit in such relationships. Both the children and all the parents need to be open to building true bonds, setting the right boundaries, and negotiating agreements.

The more parents actively participate in a child’s upbringing, the more opinions on what it should look like. Thus, it is crucial to agree on the main principles and be able to resolve any disagreements.

The Rewards of Polyamorous Parenting

Such challenges do come with valuable rewards – polyamorous parenting, when done right, can be exceptionally beneficial for your children. So, what are the benefits?

More Attention and Care

The more the merrier! With several parents, your children will get more attention, affection, and support, which they so need to grow up into responsible adults. Your kids’ emotional needs will always be catered for.

Financial Stability

Bringing up a child might be expensive, but you often need money to provide them with the finest education and the best conditions to study, develop, and follow their passions. One of the main benefits of polygamy, in this case, is that you can share the costs with your other partners, providing your child with a stable environment in which they can pursue their passions and grow freely.

Building Meaningful Relationships with Adults

Children usually don’t build strong bonds with adults other than their biological parents. Polyamorous parenting is a way to change that – your kids can engage in relationships with your other partners and learn how to navigate the adult world. This affects their emotional development and maturity, preparing them better for entry into adulthood.

However, you must remember not to overdo this. Relationships with polyamorous parents are important, but they are still within a family, so it’s good to leave your children some space to build bonds with whoever they like – perhaps a distant aunt, a neighbor, or their partners (if they are teenagers) parents?

Polyamorous Parenting – A Challenging, Yet Rewarding Way to Raise Your Children

As you can see, there will always be challenges that you will have to face as polyamorous parents. Yet, by overcoming them, you can create a loving and stable environment in which your children will fully thrive. Thus, don’t perceive polyamorous parenting as a hardship but rather as an opportunity for your kids that other children might not have!

You may also read: Polyamory Families: Definition, Dynamics, and Challenges

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

How to Manage Finances in Polyamorous Relationships?

Managing finances in polyamorous relationships requires you to talk about it first. You have to come up with a plan for how to transfer your wealth to your children, consider whether you want to keep your finances joined, separated, or somewhere in between, and frequently discuss your budget and the model you opt for. This might get more complicated depending on whether you are a solo poly, a part of a thruple, quad, or a large polycule. Let’s discuss it in more detail.

Polygamy and Finances – How to Approach It?

First of all, do not make finances a taboo in your polyamorous relationship. You need to be open and discuss money often to come up with a plan that will work for everyone, including your offspring.

Secondly, you need to start small. When embracing polyamory, managing your finances might be difficult and complex, so you should not try to come up with everything right away. Instead, make small steps. For example, set up a joint bank account for your primary spendings first, after some time, consider your “fun” budget as well, and then proceed with discussing real estate, investments, and inheritance.

Finally, you have to come up with compromises and think about the other parties. This is especially important in relationships with an uneven number of people, where someone might feel forced or pressured to follow the ideas of others. This is not only unhealthy for your finances, but for the relationship as a whole, so remember to consider what every partner has to say.

Our Tips for Polyamory Finances

So, with that short introduction behind us, we may get to the key points of this article – our tips for managing your finances in a polyamorous relationship. If you are official, check out our tips for finances in a polygamous marriage, too.

Consider Your Relationship First

What type of polyamorous relationship are you in? If you are the primary partner of two wives, your finances will look different than if you are an equal element of a throuple. Therefore, you should consider the dynamics of your relationship and build your financial model based on them.

Discuss Whether You Want to Share or Separate Your Finances

Right at the beginning of your polyamorous relationship, you should consider whether you want to join your finances or keep them separated. This might often be the bone of contention between you and your partners, so it is crucial that you discuss this early on.

You can opt for a completely shared model, a fully separated one, or something in between, where you, for instance, make a joint account for basic living expenses but pay separately for everything else. It is also critical that you think about your children at this point – who is going to pay for their education, basic needs, school trips, etc.? This might be a difficult question to answer if you want to keep your finances separate, but you have to agree on it if you want to be successful in your polyamorous parenting.

Plan Your Retirement and Inheritance

Do not only focus on the here and now, think about the future. Polygamy and finances might be especially difficult to plan when inheritance is involved, as it might be difficult to leave one or two houses for several children and partners, but you need to tackle this challenge.

The same case occurs with insurance, though it is slightly easier here. Many insurance providers offer you an option to select several beneficiaries, so it is wise to choose one of them and keep the list up to date.

Plan Your Finances in a Polygamous Relationship Early On to Be Secure and Avoid Conflicts

Remember that polyamory finances are not easy, but it is a topic that you cannot avoid. Therefore, start planning as soon as possible, perhaps starting with financial etiquette in polyamorous dating. This way, you will be sure that you and all your partners are on the same page.

You may also read: Poly Love and Money

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

Dating Age Gaps in Polyamory and Age Dynamics

Dating age gaps might be a true problem in polyamory, especially for those in their 40s and 50s. While according to Dr Marie Thouine, there are no significant statistical differences in the numbers of younger and older polyamory people, this often does not feel so. Thus, the latter try to find younger partners, which causes problems, such as differences in value systems, perspectives, or even goals and priorities. But what about younger people who wish to date older partners? This might also be problematic.

Polyamory Age Gaps – Are They Really Problematic?

Age gaps in polyamory dating are not as big of a problem as for monogamous relationships, yet it does not mean that they do not cause certain issues. However, polyamory is all about connecting on the emotional level, so you should not feel discouraged to start seeing someone who is much younger/older than you.

If you decide to do so, you will still need to overcome some challanges – let’s take a look at them now.

● Perspective on polyamory – Firstly, younger generations are much more open to polyamory than the members of the older ones. In terms of an age gap, it means that the former will feel much more natural at the beginning, while the latter will be hesitant. Additionally, it also comes down to being open when telling your friends and family about your polyamorous lifestyle – it will not be a problem for Gen Z or millennials, but it might be for baby boomers or Gen X.

● Goals – Another issue with the age gap in a polyamorous relationship is that you and your partner might have different goals – both in terms of what you want to create together and in your life.

● Tastes and interests – Different music, hobbies, or even daily routines – these usually occur when there is a major age gap, no matter whether we talk polyamory or not, so you have to take them into consideration.

Age Dynamics and the Benefits of Dating Age Gaps in Polyamory

Polyamory and an age gap might cause some issues, but it does not mean it is bad – quite the opposite. There are many advantages to engaging in such relationships, thus you should definitely consider it. What are the benefits?

● Different perspectives – An age gap means that you and your partner(s) have different perspectives. This helps you solve problems or even be more open to each other and build a much stronger, more meaningful bond.

● True emotional connection – Forgetting about the stereotypes and the age gap will help you find someone with whom you fully connect, a person or people with whom you are compatible while searching only among peers might limit your choices.

How to Approach an Age Gap in Your Polyamorous Relationship?

Do you wish to give partners much older or younger than you a try? Then you have to know how to approach an age gap in polyamory – here are our tips.

● Proceed with your partner’s pace – While you might be itching to move faster with your relationship, give your partner the time they need – remember that they might have a completely different perspective.

● Try to understand your partner’s point of view – If both of you are the only people with such an age gap in your polyamory network, you need to put a lot of effort into understanding each other. You might perceive the same gestures and things completely differently, and you have to take this into account if you want to feel comfortable together.

● Communicate – With so many differences, communication becomes crucial – state how you feel, what you like and do not like, and be ready to make a compromise.

● Stop it if you feel uncomfortable – Did one of your partners introduce you to someone much older, but then other people perceived them as your parent? Or maybe you simply feel uncomfortable in a poly relationship with a large age gap? Do not be afraid to stop in such cases. After all, relationships are about your happiness.

Age Gap and Polyamory – Where to Find Partners?

If you want to find partners who are much younger or older than you, try using different channels. Utilize polygamy dating websites, ask your other partners if they know someone in their network, and engage in the local poly community – you will find someone in no time.

Polyamory and Dating a Partner with a Large Age Gap – Not as Scary as It Seems

To conclude this article, let us underline one thing – an age gap in polyamory might sometimes feel as a disadvantage, but it is also the door to new experiences, sensations and a wider choice of partners. Thus, we encourage you to at least give it a try – perhaps you will be surprised and love it!

You may also read: The Ultimate Guide to Choosing Your Perfect Poly Partners

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc