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WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP AND AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP?

Inquiring minds often wonder if being in an open relationship is the same as being polyamorous. While the two share certain characteristics, they’re actually quite different. According to Renee Divine, L.M.F.T., a sex and relationships therapist in Minneapolis, MN, “An open relationship is one where one or both partners have a desire for sexual relationships outside of each other, and polyamory is about having intimate, loving relationships with multiple people.” Both are forms of consensual non-monogamy, but the specifics can vary depending on your goals and boundaries.

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR MORE LOVE OR MORE SEX?

Open relationships typically begin with partners who want additional sexual experiences beyond their main relationship. They still share intimacy and affection with each other, but they seek fulfillment or novelty from others in a physical sense. The idea is that everyone consents to these outside sexual encounters, but there isn’t usually an expectation of deeper emotional involvement. Divine points out that “People are looking for different experiences and want to meet needs that aren’t being met in the relationship, but there’s never an intention for feelings to get involved.”

Polyamory goes beyond this by welcoming emotional connections with more than one partner at a time. It’s not just about physical experiences. Divine explains that in polyamory, “The whole point is to fall in love with multiple people,” so relationships can be on equal footing rather than having one primary partner. For instance, solo poly folks may have multiple loving relationships simultaneously, all treated with the same level of commitment.

KEEPING THINGS OPEN OR CLOSED

By definition, poly relationships are open in the sense that more than two partners are involved. However, not all poly groups seek new partners. Some are “closed” and not actively dating anyone else. In a closed poly setup, a group might have multiple loving bonds among its members, but no one is looking to expand the group any further.

In an open relationship, on the other hand, there’s usually a core couple, and they allow some degree of sexual exploration. They may or may not share details of these outside encounters with each other. Some people prefer transparency about every date or hookup, while others keep it private to maintain boundaries and minimize potential jealousy.

WHAT KIND OF BOUNDARIES DO YOU WANT TO SET?

Open relationships often have guidelines about what is acceptable when seeking outside sexual connections. Some couples might want to discuss every aspect of these encounters, while others feel more comfortable staying in the dark about them. There can also be decisions about whether partners can spend the night elsewhere, how often they go out with others, and whether they engage in group scenarios such as swinging.

Polyamory usually involves more frequent and deeper conversations about boundaries because it includes emotional connections. People often talk about being “kitchen-table poly,” meaning everyone in the group can hang out together and share daily life. It’s also possible for two poly partners to date the same person or form a triad, which is less common in an open relationship that focuses only on outside sexual activity.

SHOULD YOU GIVE IT A TRY?

If monogamy feels limiting and you crave more flexibility, exploring open relationships or polyamory could be worth considering. Which style fits best depends on whether you want purely physical connections or if you’re interested in building emotional bonds with more people.

Divine notes, “Open relationships tend to be more focused on having sex outside a main relationship, but keeping that primary, dyadic relationship as the first priority.” Some couples discover that one person is comfortable with the other seeking purely physical connections, but they don’t want emotional attachments forming outside the partnership.

People may be drawn to these relationship styles for a variety of reasons. Some have been together for years and want to spice up their connection. Others feel that a single partnership isn’t enough to fulfill their romantic or emotional needs. “It revolves around a two-way love,” Divine says of those who prefer open relationships that remain grounded in a main pairing.

Polyamory, on the other hand, revolves around the belief that you can love more than one person wholeheartedly. Divine says, “They’re open to additional people in that way, and they want that emotional attachment. Plural love is the main focus.”

COMMUNICATION IS KEY

No matter which path you choose, communication is essential. Let all partners know what changes are happening, what you expect, and where your boundaries lie. Divine says, “In some couples, one wants to try something new, and the other is okay with that, without participating themselves.” That can work if everyone is honest and respects each other’s comfort levels.

The best results typically come from mutual understanding and ongoing check-ins. Be upfront about needs and any concerns that come up. When people share a common goal and stay transparent about their experiences, these non-monogamous relationships can thrive for everyone involved.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

Benefits of Polyamory

(A reflection on how exploring non-monogamy can inform healthier, more intentional relationships.)

Dating in Your Twenties: Explore Freely

When you are in your twenties, it is natural to experiment with different types of relationships. You are still discovering who you are and what you really want. Most of us do not stay with our first love from high school, and that is perfectly okay. Your twenties are a safe space to figure out your likes and dislikes, as well as what you bring to the table. At some point, though, you reach a stage where you want to take your romantic life more seriously.

In the early weeks or months of every relationship, it is understandable to walk away if you spot a deal-breaker. That is a time of figuring out whether the connection has real potential. However, if you have been seeing someone for six months and disappear without a word (unless you need to protect your safety), that is unkind.

How Polyamory Changed My Perspective

I stumbled into polyamory after a decade of serial monogamy. For four years, I explored what it was like to love more than one person at a time, and it completely reshaped my understanding of commitment. Looking back, I realized I had been monogamous for the wrong reasons. Social norms often push us to settle into relationships simply because we happen to like someone enough, rather than truly considering our deeper needs and values.

My joke was that it took three or four men to make one really fulfilling partner. That humor was my way of saying I felt I would never find all the traits I wanted in one person. Eventually, I met someone who showed me otherwise. He checked off nearly every quality I was searching for, which made me realize I was ready to switch back to monogamy. It was not about a blazing spark or a dizzying state of infatuation. It was simply the recognition that I had found the kind of connection I thought was impossible.

When the Spark Fades

Many friends of mine have recently ended long-term relationships, ranging from six months to five years. They all heard that painful line: “I love you, but I am not in love with you anymore.” While it hurts, the truth is that the honeymoon phase does not last forever. Over time, the giddy excitement settles into a different rhythm. You can reignite the spark with mutual effort, but it will not be the exact same rush as those first few months.

A genuine monogamist understands this cycle. Losing the butterflies is not a sign that the relationship is doomed. Long-term love is not about constantly chasing that exhilarating high; it is about building a life together. When the sparks inevitably cool, you can choose to work together to keep the relationship fulfilling.

Polyamory vs. Serial Monogamy

If you leave every relationship the moment the magic fades, consider whether you might be a spark-chaser rather than a long-burner. Polyamory can be a great fit for those who want to experience the thrill of new connections without hiding it from their partner. There is nothing shameful about needing variety, as long as you approach it ethically and honestly.

In our culture, people often view a serial dater in a more positive light than someone who embraces ethical non-monogamy. Yet someone who chooses polyamory is often more transparent about their desire for multiple connections than a person who cycles through relationships looking for endless passion.

Building Lasting Bonds

Neither polyamory nor monogamy can promise you a lifetime supply of butterflies on autopilot. Nature is not that romantic; it usually just needs you to stick around long enough to reproduce, which is hardly a recipe for endless excitement. People who practice monogamy learn to value the deeper rewards that come with a shared life: companionship, family, commitment, and mutual care.

Many polyamorous folks also have a primary partner who fulfills that supportive role, while other partners offer fresh experiences, novelty, and fun. Monogamists do their best to keep sparks alive, but they do so on a foundation of steady devotion. They know relationships have seasons and that you have to ride out the lows to enjoy the highs again.

Finding Your Place

If your version of searching for “The One” involves constantly jumping from relationship to relationship, hoping to feel an everlasting rush, it may be time to acknowledge who you really are. Spark-chasers often thrive best when they embrace non-monogamy, because it aligns with their natural desire for newness.

On the flip side, if you yearn for a long-term teammate who stands beside you through every season of life, then monogamy may be your best path. Embracing that choice requires understanding that real love is not always glamorous. It can be deeply fulfilling, but it also involves patience and work.

For a rare few, the best of both worlds is possible when someone masters the art of polyamory, balancing multiple relationships with clarity and respect. For most people, though, the key is figuring out what you want and living that truth openly. If you prefer to date multiple people, then do so honestly. If you want a stable, one-on-one connection that endures, invest in the effort, communication, and willingness to let the butterflies rest occasionally.

Whichever path you choose, what matters is self-awareness and respect for your partners. That is the foundation for building a relationship (or relationships) where everyone feels seen, supported, and fulfilled.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

Since childhood, I’ve known that African-Americans are as eclectic as we wanna be. We are literally assorted chocolates and you never know what you’re going to get when you open the box. But when did Black polygamy become a “the thing” for some of us? And when I say some of us, I’m asking about African-American women in particular.

Last year, I had no clue that it was a “thing” — outside of some Muslims engaging in the practice — until a guy I met at a business lunch sent me a link to check out the lifestyle. First of all, let me say that there was no warning or disclaimer that came with the link he sent. It was just a link sent to my email address from his. We met through a mutual client so I assumed he was sending something that I could actually use in my work life, like a better scheduling app or a code for Uber discounts—something! But it wasn’t. Just a link that lead to me asking who, what, when, why?

Some other ladies from the business lunch told me that they received the link as well and that they were outraged! One older lady in her late 40s felt particularly disrespected, saying how dare he think she’d be remotely interested in that sort of lifestyle. I kind of felt where she was coming from but I later had to side eye her because prior to the invitation  to join”Poly Phi Poly,” she tried to tell me ol’ boy was a great catch for someone like me. Not! Luckily for me, I never follow up on dating leads that are thrown in my lap. But I did at least think dude was cool and ultra professional when I met him at the lunch, which is why my reaction to the link wasn’t oh no this negro didn’t but more like, what in the Iceberg Slim hell? And so, my inquisitive self clicked on the link.

What I found was a group for brothers and sisters who are actually living polygamous lifestyles or trying to find folks to join them so they start building their polygamous families. But what really made my small eyes pop out the sockets like a cartoon character was the influx of African-American women who were down for the cause to share one man with several women. Now, what I gathered from reading people’s posts on the site is the biggest reason why Black people should get with the polygamy program is to build families that are economically untouchable… Okay, so what’s up with all the well-to-do women on the site who were RNs, college grads, and business owners? I would think that since they’re already bringing home the bacon that they’d be cool with one faithful man who could match or exceed what they currently make on the job. A beautiful Black couple who loves God, each other, and can afford to splurge on the finer things sounds legit to me! But the more I scrolled through the site,  I saw women hardcore using their best sales pitch to get someone to move them into their homes as a sister wife. Some were even offering couples to come live with them!

I don’t think cooperative economics had a rat’s butt to do with anything for these women. It seemed to me that these ladies were opting for this lifestyle because it’s easier to let a dog roam than to expect him to behave. They would rather come into a situation knowing that their man has multiple women who all know that they are just one of multiple women. That way, they don’t have to face any surprise heartache as a result of being cheated on. That’s my belief and I’m sticking to it. Now, I will say that some other interesting points were made in defense of Black polygamy, such as one sister-wife homeschooling all the children in the unit because Black kids should be taught by people who look like them. That’s an awesome principle that I’m all for. But uh… there’s plenty of schools, both private and public, that have already done this. And if I want to homeschool my baby I can simply find a Black teacher who home schools. I don’t need to move my husband’s flavor of the month in to help me do that or anything else.

What’s polygamy really about in your opinion?

Source: madamenoire.com