Chris's article

In a study of polygamous marriages in the Middle East and Africa, it was found that women who practice polygamy are more likely to suffer from low self-esteem and marital dissatisfaction than women in monogamous relationships.

When you think about it, it makes sense. Sister wives may find themselves ‘competing’ for attention and affection from their shared husband, and in general, there are so many more factors to juggle in polygamous marriages than there are in monogamous relationships. All these intertwined lives mean that paying attention to mental, emotional, and physical health (wellness) is all the more important for people who practice polygamy.

What is wellness?

Wellness can be described as your overall state of being in terms of your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health. (Financial wellness is also a factor.)  It’s a qualitative measurement of your mindset, mood, or health, and it affects all of us, not just people in poly relationships.

But, being in a poly relationship means wellness can’t be ignored. Practicing polygamy means facing emotions when they arise. Otherwise, the relationship is doomed to fail..

The impact of polygamy on mental health

No doubt that polygamous relationships abound with beautiful advantages like a wider support network and more financial help. However, poly marriages also come with their own brand of challenges.

One of the biggest is overcoming jealousy as a sister wife. When a husband seems to prefer a wife (or household) over others, this can create tension and negative energy within all the sister wives’ relationships.

Another difficulty in polygamy is keeping an identity separate from being a spouse and/or mother. When we put so much of our love and labor into our relationships, we often forget to check in with ourselves and make sure that we’re meeting our own needs and following our own dreams.

A disconnect between a sister wife identity and our long-term goals can lead to feelings of loneliness, discontent, and even resentment. What can help is to set aside time for checking in with our emotions.

Although poly relationships come with an automatic support system, our mental health is our responsibility. If we don’t learn to give ourselves the love and support we need, it can turn our relationships into a pool of drama and toxic cycles.

How to navigate mental health in poly relationships

The good news is that mental health is always a work in progress, and there are many avenues for help to follow.

1. Lean on your loved ones

Your first line of defense against fighting mental illness or relationship woes comprises your significant others, family members, and friends. Chances are, they may not always be able to help you overcome deeper scars like childhood trauma or marital battles.

2. Get treatment

For these, a trained counselor or therapist can help you reframe your thinking or create a mental health plan to get you on track to wellness. Both pharma and non-pharma modalities are fantastic sources of respite and ammunition against mental illness and negativity.

Counseling, therapy, meditation, acupuncture, group support activities, and new hobbies are just a few ways that may bring balance.

3. Be your own advocate

Even though your husband and sister wives may have your best interests at heart, you are responsible for your wellness at the end of the day. When there are issues in the relationship that are affecting your health (whether it’s the way family time is distributed among sister wives or how much each household contributes to the family budget), it’s on you to bring it up in an honest, respectful way.

Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself—you deserve a peaceful mind and healthy body, too.

Ways to improve wellness in poly relationships

There are many ways to stay happy and healthy in a polygamous relationship.

1. Spend time with yourself

Relationships can sometimes feel suffocating if you’re with your loved ones every hour of every day. Sometimes it can’t be helped, and wanting to get away doesn’t mean you love each other any less.

Alone time is crucial to fulfilling your mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. We suggest taking a weekend trip every now and then or taking an hour or two a day to de-stress and reflect on whatever may be weighing you down.

2. Get social

In the same vein, your mental health may be suffering if you’re not getting the social interactions we need as humans. Though some of us are more introverted than others, interacting with people outside of immediate family is vital to wellness.

When you want to cultivate new communities outside of your marriage, starting a new hobby or activity is a good place to start. Try volunteering with a local group or joining a hands-on class like pottery, walking, or improv. You never know what beautiful friendships you can make—or what hidden talents you might unearth.

3. Be kind

Around family members and significant others, we tend to talk more freely because we know that our relationship will bounce back no matter what hurtful or strong words are exchanged. The beauty of marriage and familial bonds is unconditional love, but some fights can create irreparable damage to a relationship.

During disagreements, remember to be kind. Take a few breaths or walk out of the room if you feel like your emotions are speaking for you through vicious words.

4. Respect others’ communication styles

In addition to being kind, remember that not everyone communicates in the same way. You probably know how your husband or sister wife acts when they are upset. Try to take what they say or do during arguments with a grain of salt.

For instance, if your husband is known to take a few days in silence to process what was said during an emotional time, remember that this is his way of dealing with a problem. It does not reflect how he feels about you or your marriage.

5. Take care of your needs

From consistent, high-quality sleep to regular, nutritious meals, you’ll feel better when you take care of your urgent needs. This frees you up to think of ‘deeper’ issues like solving relationship pain points or making career decisions.

Wellness and marital success

Some health concerns are with us for a lifetime, but this shouldn’t stop us from putting our best selves forward in our marriage and relationships. Step into your best self every day by making wellness a priority in your life. When we’re mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually well, we’re more capable of nurturing our relationships.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

One of the growing trends in the dating world, not just among polygamous relationships, is the growing importance of vaccine status. In a survey by Pew Research Center from July 2022, 47% of the respondents who had used a dating site or app in the past year said COVID-19 vaccination status was at least somewhat important when looking at someone’s dating profile, and 23% said this information is very important to them.

What does this shift mean for polygamous relationships and poly dating services?

Why vaccine status matters more in polygamous homes

Poly relationships can include as few as two people up to dozens, depending on whether the group has children, is casually dating, is cohabiting, etc. With this many people involved, taking risks with safety issues like pandemic and vaccination statuses is neither practical nor responsible.

If anything, the pandemic has shown us that polygamous families (as well as multi-generational households) are more vulnerable to infectious diseases such as COVID-19.

Case in point: TLC’s Sister Wives

In the newest seasons of Sister Wives, Kody’s strict pandemic rules were a pain point for the sister wives. While it can be argued that Kody had everyone’s best interests at heart by enforcing social distancing and quarantine rules, he seemed to cherry-pick from his guidelines at his convenience.

For example, he missed one of his children’s major surgery appointments because he allegedly wanted to avoid travel and keep the rest of his family safe during peak pandemic times. Fans (and the sister-wives) were quick to notice that Kody stopped making his rotations and stayed with Robyn and their shared children for the bulk of the pandemic.

Although Kody approached COVID-19 best practices from a misguided direction, it still stands that polygamous and polyamorous relationships were put on pause during the pandemic, more so than their monogamous counterparts.

Frequent meetings between multiple households simply weren’t feasible when there was a highly contagious disease around, and some polygamy dating sites adapted to these circumstances.

What this means for poly dating sites

Poly dating sites have been catering to different needs and current events since the COVID-19 pandemic was announced in 2020.

1. Vaccine status as a deciding factor

In the survey I mentioned, many respondents said that seeing vaccine status was at least somewhat important or very important on someone’s dating profile. Some companies have allowed users to display badges on their dating profiles in the past, and many users simply indicate their status on their dating profile bio.

2. Political affiliation is now important on dating sites, too

Like any hot topic, vaccination is often a political debate. Of the survey respondents, 53% said it is at least somewhat important to see someone’s political affiliation on their dating profile, while 18% say it is very important.

Moving forward, it may be more common to see someone’s political affiliation on dating sites. This seems a natural shift particularly for polygamy dating sites since polyamory and polygamous marriage are polarizing issues discussed through a sociopolitical lens.

3. More video calls and phone calls before in-person meetings

To practice caution and safety, people on dating sites are having more video dates and phone call conversations before they meet in person. The report found that  28% of Americans who used dating sites in the past year have gone on a virtual date first either by phone or video call. 

Video calling (available on reliable poly dating sites like Sister Wives) helps prevent romance scams by vetting a person before you meet, and it’s also necessary when physical meetings aren’t feasible, like during a pandemic.

What this means for poly dating

COVID-19 may have taken a lot from us, but it has also renewed a sense of mindfulness when it comes to poly dating.

1. Take more time getting to know people

This shift to a slower, more careful way of dating is another trend we see in monogamy and polygamy dating. Now, we draw important information from someone’s vaccination status and political leanings, on top of their career choice, hobbies, and other interests.

2. Prioritize emotional fulfillment over immediate physical needs

When we don’t (or can’t) jump into relationships due to external factors like COVID-19, we prioritize emotional fulfillment as opposed to dating as many people as we can. Another unintended consequence of the pandemic and the vaccination status trend is increased sexual safety.

Fewer physical interactions and higher risks associated with meeting someone for the first time have led to more caution in the bedroom.

3. Less spontaneous outings

In the same vein, people who date are less likely to go on spontaneous outings that involve alcohol and other risk factors. Meetings are more intentional and mindful, especially for people who are in a polygamy relationship and who have to consider multiple people’s safety and their own.

4. Increase in communication, openness, and vulnerability

When we’re more mindful about who and how we date, we put our needs first. Dating trends show that we’re now more open about telling potential partners what we want out of a relationship - a phenomenon called ‘prioridating.’

We seek a single priority in dating someone, whether it’s emotional support, financial wellness, or sexual satisfaction. This way of thinking in poly dating allows us to view relationships as a mutually enriching experience, not something that just takes from our emotional, financial, or mental wells.

Vaccine status and well-being in a poly relationship

Ultimately, asking for someone’s vaccine status allows us to prioritize our health and well-being. The shift towards being open about vaccination status (and whatever political affiliations it comes with) has trickled over to another trend, which is being more open about our needs and relationship priorities.

Loss, health scares, and mental exhaustion is part of the COVID-19 aftermath, but the poly dating world may be better off by emphasizing mindful habits, honest communication, and self-care.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

At the start of the sexual revolution in the 1960s, many people thought that creating honest nonmonogamous relationships would be easy. Instead, half a century of false starts and painful discoveries has taught us that polyamory exacts a price. The fact is that most twenty-first-century humans have many contradictory impulses that pull us in the direction of inclusive love and simultaneously push us in the direction of jealousy and possessiveness.

These opposing forces must be reconciled before we are truly free to love and therein lies one of the benefits of being polymorous. Polyamorous relationships place people in the center of the cyclone, with an abundance of opportunities to confront these opposing forces and to learn from their mistakes along the way. Learning theorists have found that the more mistakes you make, the faster you learn. In polyamory, it's possible to get the benefit of several lifetimes’ worth of mistakes in a relatively short time because you are engaging in more than one intimate relationship at a time.

Can a polyamorous relationship be healthy? Polyamorous relationships offer many means of accelerating personal growth. All intimate relationships at their best are a path to higher consciousness and greater self-knowledge, largely because of the valuable feedback - or mirroring effect - one receives from a beloved. Having more than one partner at a time not only increases the available quantity of feedback but also makes it harder to blame your partner for the problems you might be creating in the relationship. Of course, serial monogamy also offers the opportunity to see the same issues arise in one relationship after another, but not only does it take longer to get the lesson, but, if you're a fast talker, you may be able to convince one person at a time that it's not your fault, whereas two are less likely to be fooled.

Bill is an attractive man in his late forties who has never been married. Over the years, he'd had a series of monogamous relationships, each lasting about four years. "I'm not sure why none of these relationships lasted," he told me. "I always assumed it just wasn't a match and moved on to the next woman, but I'm getting older, and I really want to settle down." Bill decided he wanted to try polyamory and took my advice to start by dating women who weren't seeking a monogamous commitment. Soon he was dating three different women and was thrilled when it turned out that the two of them knew and liked each other. After a few months, however, he found himself struggling. "Liz, Helen, and Angie are all mad at me," he complained. "They started comparing notes and found out I'd told some white lies. Now they're accusing me of manipulating them. I really don't understand what their problem is, but I'd like to find out. Can you help me?" Bill was reaping the benefits of polyamory in a different way than he'd expected, but his openness to taking a look at himself—once three women instead of one were insisting on it—was promising.

Because multiple-partner relationships are inherently more complex and demanding than monogamous ones and because they challenge the norms of our culture, they offer other valuable learning opportunities. Lessons about loving yourself, tolerance for diversity, speaking from the heart and communicating clearly, and learning to trust an internal sense of rightness and to think for yourself rather than blindly relying on outside opinion are only a sampling of the lessons. These qualities are earmarks of an emotionally and spiritually mature person—the kind of person who makes a good parent and who can contribute to his or her community.

One of the most common concerns about polyamory is that it's harmful to children, but nothing could be farther from the truth. Multiple-adult families and committed intimate networks have the potential of providing dependent children with additional nurturing adults who can meet their material, intellectual, and emotional needs. While parents may end up focusing less attention on their children, children may gain new aunts, uncles, and adopted parents.

More adults sharing parenting can mean less stress and less burnout without losing any of the rewards. In a larger group of men and women, it's more likely that one or two adults will be willing and able to stay home and care for the family or that each could be available one or two days a week. If one parent dies or becomes disabled, other family members can fill the gap. Children can have more role models, more playmates, and more love in a group environment. Of course, these advantages can be found in any community setting, but people sometimes avoid intimacy with other adults in a conscious or unconscious effort to safeguard a monogamous commitment.

Polyamory has the potential to create stable and nurturing families where children develop in an atmosphere of love and security. With the traditional nuclear family well on its way to extinction, we are faced with a question of critical importance: who will mind the children? Neither two-career nor single-parent families offer children full-time, loving caretakers, and quality daycare is both scarce and expensive. Even at its best, full-time institutional care (including public schooling) cannot provide the individual attention, intimacy, flexibility, and opportunity for solitude that children need to realize their potential. Serial monogamy presents children as well as parents with a stressfully discontinuous family life. Meanwhile, an entire generation is at risk, as divorce is an increasingly common fact of life.

We don't yet know how polyamory impacts the rate of divorce; the little data we have suggest that it doesn't. That is, divorce rates appear to be about the same in monogamous and non-monogamous marriages. Some people have begun to joke about "serial polyamory," and it may turn out that any kind of lasting relationship is simply less likely in the twenty-first century. We do know that practicing polyamory can help prepare parents to maintain family ties after a divorce because the issue of becoming jealous when confronted with a former mate's new partner has usually been dealt with already.

Polyamory can mean a higher standard of living while consuming fewer resources. Sexualoving partners are more likely than friends or neighbors to feel comfortable sharing housing, transportation, appliances, and other resources. Even if partners don't live communally, they frequently share meals, help each other with household repairs and projects, and vacation together. This kind of cooperation helps provide a higher quality of life while reducing individual consumption as well as keeping people too busy to overconsume. Multiple partners also help in the renewal of our devastated human ecology by creating a sense of bonded community.

Polyamory can help parents and children alike adapt to an ever more complex and quickly changing world. One of the greatest challenges facing humans at the dawn of the twenty-first century is coping with the increasingly fast pace of life. We're constantly being inundated with more information than we can absorb and more choices than we can evaluate. New technologies are becoming obsolete almost before we can implement them. Trying to keep up can be stressful if not impossible for a single person or a couple. But a small group of loving and well-coordinated partners can divide up tasks that would overwhelm one or two people. Multiple-partner relationships can be an antidote to future shock.

One of the most difficult challenges confronting men and women in the twenty-first century is making the transition from the rigid and well-defined gender identities prevalent in the twentieth century to the more fluid and androgynous roles preferred by many individuals. Diverse opinions as to the healthiest, most natural, and most functional approach to gender roles are still being debated by social scientists, psychotherapists, and spiritual teachers. Most people would agree, however, that both John Wayne-style masculinity and the classic 1950s housewife version of femininity, as well as any identity based solely on gender, are prescriptions for unhappiness. While the extreme versions of these old stereotypes are increasingly rare, many people are still struggling with the more subtle effects of generations of gender-based tyranny.

Marriage, as we know it today, is based on patterns established in biblical times governing men's ownership of women. Polyamory can help men and women break out of dysfunctional sex roles and achieve more equal, sexually gratifying, and respectful relationships simply because of its novelty. Most of us have unconsciously absorbed our culture's messages about proper demeanor for husbands and wives. We may think our modern society has left this legacy behind, but remember that women in the United States have had the right to vote for less than 100 years. Polyamory leads us to confront the sex role conditioning of our ancestors and demands that we transcend it. It requires that men and women alike overcome our competitive programming and that we invent new ways of relating since we can no longer fall back on simply doing it the way Mom and Dad or Grandma and Grandpa did it.

Deep ecologists suggest that the ancient wisdom of indigenous peoples may offer some important clues to our survival as a species. Deep-ecology advocate Dolores LaChapelle was one of the first twentieth-century writers to discuss sex and intimate relationships in an ecological context. She views the breakdowns in so many modern relationships as a direct result of placing too much emphasis on the romance between two people and losing sight of the larger whole in which we are all embedded. In her encyclopedic Sacred Land, Sacred Sex, she draws on indigenous wisdom the world over to paint a vivid picture of how multi-partner sex has traditionally served to bond the group, diffuse potential conflict, and strengthen the connection to the land. She cites many examples of both ancient and modern native peoples whose customs and rituals incorporate sex as "natural, inevitable, and sacred because it's part of the whole inter-relationship of humans and nature in that place."

One account is from a woman anthropologist who was traveling through the jungle with a woman friend from the tribe and the woman's husband. When they stopped to camp for the night, her friend was making love with her husband and asked if she wanted to join in. She describes the experience as natural, playful, tender, and bonding for the two women.

In many of these cultures, as in the love style now called polyamory, pair bonding is one option among many, and couples expect to include others in their intimacy or relax their boundaries when the situation arises. Couples as well as other grouping and singles all participate in seasonal festivals involving ritual sex to "increase the energy not only between man and woman but within the group as a whole and between the humans and their land." 

Dr. James Prescott's research revealed that cultures like these are significantly less violent than those that disallow extramarital sex. While modern Western thinking generally regards fertility rites as merely superstitious, if not immoral, LaChapelle describes a biological basis for their positive effects.

LaChapelle explains it this way: "In ritualized sex, which is not confined to the genital area, the entire body and the brain receive repetitive stimuli over a considerable period of time. This leads to ‘central nervous system tuning.' To briefly summarize, if either the parasympathetic nervous system or the sympathetic nervous system is stimulated, the other system is inhibited. Tuning occurs . . . when there is such strong, prolonged activation of one system that it becomes supersaturated and spills over into the other system so that it, in turn, becomes activated. If stimulated long enough the next stage of tuning is reached where the simultaneous strong discharge of both autonomic systems creates a state of stimulation of the median forebrain bundle, generating not only pleasurable sensations but . . . a sense of union or oneness with all. This stage of tuning permits right hemisphere dominance; thus solving problems deemed insoluble by the rational hemisphere. Furthermore, the strong rhythm of repetitive action as done in sexual rituals produces positive limbic discharge, resulting in increased social cohesion; thus contributing to the success of such rituals as bonding mechanisms."

Of course, polyamory does not necessarily involve such exotic activities, but as a philosophy of love, it provides a context in which erotic ritual is possible without prohibitions based on a belief in entitlement to sexual exclusivity as proof of commitment or fidelity. What polyamory does require is a more altruistic, unconditional type of love than is common in monogamous unions and that naturally arises from a felt sense of oneness. While monogamy, of course, also thrives on unselfish love, monogamy can survive more easily than polyamory in its absence.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

Even with the rising support of feminism and the LGBTQIA+ community, polygamy is often cast aside as the weird, freaky one in the group. Thanks to pop culture and the inescapable narrative of straight, monogamous relationships, alternative romantic and sexual lifestyles like polyamory relationships are often vilified. It’s easy to reciprocate hate and animosity, but the poly community believes in a friendly exchange of ideas. So it’s time to set the record straight and bust some polygamy vs polygyny misconceptions and debunk myths surrounding consensual non-monogamy as a whole.

Why all this hate against polygamy?

It would be foolish to ignore some of the darker histories associated with polygamy, especially polygyny. Polygyny, the marriage of one man to multiple wives, is often compared to society’s patriarchal nature. Men in power enjoying the benefits of multiple women partners has negatively influenced the cultural attitude towards poly lifestyles.

Most notably, religious male leaders or abusive male partners have traditionally coerced young women into non-consensual (or seemingly consensual) relationships—a big source of hate against polygamy. This is a despicable stain on polygamous relationships, but only a small fraction of what it actually is now.

Is polygamy just another form of patriarchal control?

Today, polygamy’s rebirth clearly demonstrates that the former imbalance of power and choice between man and woman is finally leveling out. Moreover, polygamy today has a broader definition. It’s no longer a strict bond between a straight man and multiple wives or a straight woman and multiple husbands. For starters, bisexual men, bisexual women, queer men, or queer women can enter a polygamous relationship if they choose to.

The key is in everyone’s consent and honest communication. No two relationships are exactly the same, after all. Just like a monogamous couple might clearly define their boundaries about what cheating constitutes in their household, a polygamous couple in the dating stage can define what makes them uncomfortable and what the other people in the relationship can do to build trust.

Women—or anybody, for that matter—are no longer forced into a polygamous relationship for fear of violence or evil consequences. The polyamory and polygamy dating world is actually rooted in choice. In a way, modern polygamy flips the table on patriarchal ideals. Women are free to choose what they want, even if they are in a polygamous relationship. They may even enter a relationship with a sister wife should they desire to do so.

Renowned researcher and expert in consensual non-monogamy Dr. Elisabeth Sheff perfectly sums up the anti-patriarchal nature of polyamorous relationships in her article, “Polyamory is Deviant—But Not for the Reasons You May Think.” The three main reasons are that women are now on equal negotiating status with men, women can now pursue multiple partners if they choose to, and that polyamory forces us to ask questions like, “Why is monogamy so pressed into our society that we feel like it’s the only choice?” When it comes to polygamy dating, having a choice is front and center, so the argument that polygamy is just another form of patriarchy is extremely weak.

Is polygamy dating an abnormality only a few people practice?

It might surprise you to know that about 22% of Americans have been in a consensually non-monogamous relationship at least once (Haupert, 2016). Judging by the rising visibility of polygamous relationships in the media, this number has likely increased since the article’s publication. It’s safe to say polygamy dating and the polyamory world isn’t just an anomaly a few hundred people practice in secret.

Chances are, you know people who are in polyamorous or polygamous relationships already. Although recent legislature like Massachusetts’ broadened definition of a relationship to include households with more than two adults is a step in the right direction, polygamy representation still has a long way to go.

Polygamy dating is just an excuse for sexual experimentation

Perhaps the most common misconception of all is the inseparable connotation between polygamy dating and sexual exploration. While sexuality has a place in polyamory or polygamy, it’s usually not the only driving force for individuals seeking these types of relationships. Just like one monogamous relationship can prioritize emotional needs over sexual needs, a polygamous relationship might focus on other aspects of a healthy relationship, as well.

In fact, polyamorous dating requires even more mindful relationship building than a monogamous partnership. Multiple people building a home or relationship requires more mental, emotional, social, and sometimes financial effort. As a result, polygamous ties produce deeper commitments that are often harder to shake than a monogamous partnership.

This isn’t to say that every monogamous relationship is fickle, nor that every polyamorous relationship is a serious, lifelong commitment. It’s to say that critics of polygamous relationships can’t—or refuse—to look beyond the stereotype of a hypersexualized polygamous relationship. In Cathy Young’s Time article about same-sex marriage and polygamy, she argues that “..the private sexual choices of adults should not be criminalized. But they are not automatically entitled to cultural approval or societal support systems.” 

This is a vast simplification of polygamy and polyamorous relationships. Again and again, articles like these reduce polygamy and polyamory to a mere sexual preference instead of a relationship choice, perpetuating the tired stereotype that consensual non-monogamy is rooted in sexual deviance.

The future of polyamory, polygamy, and polygyny

The umbrella term of polyamory and its subcategories polygamy and polygyny deserve a place in mainstream media and culture without the obvious prejudice against alternative lifestyles. Although the polygamy dating world is being acknowledged through accessible T.V. shows and docu-series, the focus is often misplaced.

In the future, we hope to be portrayed in a positive, or at the very least objective lens, instead of a sideshow watched with a discerning eye. For now, we’ll continue to educate and enlighten others without taking offense at deep-seated prejudices or preconceptions. After all, understanding begins with an open conversation.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

It’s that exciting time of year again when lights and festivities are all around and we’re making plans to see friends and family we may not have seen all year. When the Christmas stockings are hung and the tree is trimmed, we sit back with those we love sipping cider or eggnog while reminiscing about days past and days still to come. For people involved in poly relationships, the days to come might mean a difficult time with a disapproving family. 

Poly dating, as well as polygamous relationships, has become more accepted in modern times but approval is often the hardest to gain from family. It can be tough for a mother to accept her daughter is a sister wife when she has no exposure to the many great aspects of a healthy plural relationship. A father embracing that his son is a ‘unicorn’ (bisexual) can be nearly impossible because he simply has no positive exposure to the lifestyle. For some situations, it might be best to start your own family traditions at home and stay away from toxic family members but here are some ideas to consider if you will be facing the family. 

Killing them with kindness is a must. Deciding to go out of your way to be kind will prevent negative emotions and regretful words or actions on your end. Don’t be affected by a disapproving comment as though you give it any value. Unsolicited advice on your poly relationships can safely be ignored. Smile and say you appreciate the input but you’re doing quite well then ask them to pass the green bean casserole. Keep the conversation moving and push it in positive directions. 

Set a time limit based on the difficulty level of your family. In time, if they want to see more of you and your poly family, they’ll know they have to accept you as you are. If you’ve chosen to start your own family tradition at home, you can invite only amiable family members to join you. Don’t be afraid to be honest when the uninvited ask for an explanation. You can assert yourself and be honest in a loving and constructive way and hope your loved ones will eventually come around to respect you. 

The DNA connection to your family does not mean you owe them anything and does not mean they have any right to pressure you into their standards. Walk into the holiday situation knowing you are fully your own person and your sister wives or lovers are your valid chosen family. Acceptance is not guaranteed, but you don’t have to accept the judgment as much as others don’t have to accept your choices. Don’t be afraid to tell family you’d like if they’d embrace you completely but won’t sacrifice your happiness or integrity to gain it. Discussing the beautiful aspects of a polygamous or polyamorous relationship can help them realize it’s a healthy option for many. 

Don’t let toxic or unhappy people ruin your holidays. Your poly dating life shows we can enjoy an enormous amount of love in our lives and we can share that love in many ways. The number one tool needed to deal with difficult people is confidence, so make sure everyone in your poly family is prepared for less than ideal social interactions. Go show your family, and the world, their closed minds only hurt themselves. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

Poly dating is a fated convergence of lives. In some cases, it might result in blended families with children. While most monogamous partnerships celebrate Father’s Day reflexively on the third Sunday of June every year, you might be under additional pressure if you’re in the poly dating world with multiple people. 

In 1922, Dr. Gary Chapman popularized love languages through his book The Five Love Languages. Today, the main points still resonate with most people in poly relationships. So according to your husband or partner’s personality, they might appreciate one token of love more than the other on Father’s Day. 

Let’s explore the main love languages and what gifts are associated with them. We’ll include both material and immaterial gifts that go beyond a greeting card.

If their love language is giving or receiving gifts

Gift-giving and receiving gifts are common love languages in any household, whether it’s a poly relationship or not. Although the central theme of any holiday shouldn’t be about material things, gift-giving is more than just monetary value.

A carefully chosen antique vase or a handmade leather bag tells your partner that this very thing reminded you of them. This concrete token of love is rooted in the thought behind the present, rather than the actual thing, although the gift itself is a great bonus.

To proceed, consider your partner’s interests and find something that shows them you have taken inventory of what they like, and thought about how this gift will impact them. Do they have a pottery hobby? Try giving them a new trimming tool. Are they always complaining about a strained neck in the morning? Research the best pillows online and have one delivered to your home (or theirs).

If you’re eschewing practicality and want to lean into sentimentality, anything handmade or personalized is always a big winner. Think custom photo albums, matching coffee mugs, framed artwork, etc.

If their love language is physical touch

Gifts centered around physical touch might be easier to deliver than other items on this list. Physical touch is also something you can offer all the time when you’re together, not just on a single holiday. 

However, if you want to make it extra special, a scheduled massage or cuddle night can make your partner feel loved. Depending on your relationship, you might also open up the room to more intimate activities—if it’s feasible, of course.

If their love language is acts of service

When it comes to acts of service, magnitude doesn’t matter much. It can be something as small as offering to do the grocery shopping for the month or something as big as sorting out the household’s financial matters, whether it’s calling banks or sorting documents.

One note about acts of service is that daily deeds can make a large impact on your poly relationship. By picking up the slack or recognizing where your partner needs help (before they even ask for it), you’re actively building a healthy, love-filled relationship.

As for Father’s Day, sweet gestures like cooking extra special meals for the week or running errands for them during the weekend are some viable ideas.

If their love language is quality time

Quality time is essential in any relationship, but may even be more crucial when plunging into poly dating. When you’re in a poly relationship, a decline in quality time can stress out your connections. 

Although some polygamists participate in hierarchical relationships, many others strive to maintain a non-hierarchical status between everyone involved. Thus, the challenge is how to allocate resources effectively.

Truthfully, this gets tricky when children are involved. Everyone’s lives are filled with different activities, work schedules, and social obligations, so some poly relationships may preserve quality time better than others do.

For Father’s Day, organize a date with you and your partner alone with no interruptions. Unbroken conversation, full eye contact, and thorough mindfulness help set your connection in stone. Check in with others in the polycule, and ensure your calendars are all synced to make the one-on-one time a success.

If their love language is words of affirmation

Words of affirmation require no money at all, only thought and affection. This love language places importance on verbal presents like declarations of love, thoughtful compliments, words of encouragement, and meaningful discussion.

A video message from everyone in the family expressing their love is a fantastic expression of words of affirmation. Another idea is sitting with everyone for dinner and taking turns vocalizing what you appreciate about the father figure (or figures) in the household.

Keep in mind that daily words of affirmation are an effortless way of ensuring your partner feels loved and understood, so take advantage of this love language whenever you can.

Should I celebrate Father’s Day when trying poly dating?

Not every poly family has children, although many poly households do. If you’re a couple with children and are looking to add a second male figure into the mix, timing is key. Have an adult family meeting and decide when is the appropriate time to introduce a new figure to your children. 

This discussion might also include when to invite them for big events like Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, and Winter Holidays. As always, an open dialogue is key to mutual understanding.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

It is all too easy to take relationships—monogamous or polyamorous—for granted. A holiday like Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to take a pause and celebrate the important people in your life. There are lots of different ways to enjoy quality time with loved ones while poly dating. Some ideas are staying in and enjoying a movie together or enjoying a picnic in an outdoor area.

No matter if you prefer big romantic gestures or you feel less is more, our guide on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day while in polyamorous relationships will help to show your affection to the people you love.

Plan for an intimate meal or other activity at home

You may have a tradition of going to a nice dinner every Valentine’s day with your spouse or partners. Getting dressed up and designating special alone time helps fill up our love meters. Want something more intimate? Grab some groceries (or order them if possible) and cook dinner together. It’ll take more work than just ordering off of the menu, but it may lead to some new traditions.

Go for a vacation

Is there any place you have been wanting to go? Valentine’s Day could be a chance to tick that place off your bucket list. What’s more, you will be on vacation with the people you love. How’s that for a win-win situation? Alternatively, you can have a staycation. If working from home has you suffering from cabin fever, why not rent out an actual cabin nearby? Or, rent out an Airbnb in your city and spend a night or two in new surroundings. You can order in or take advantage of a kitchen if you’re renting out an apartment or home.

Anticipate jealousy and failed plans

Valentine’s day can bring up some overwhelming feelings. One partner might feel jealous of another’s Valentine’s day gift. A secondary partner might feel left out if you and your nesting partner decide to have a special dinner—alone. 

If your plans are suddenly thrown out the window by unexpected events, expect disappointment all around. It’s always good to have something to fall back on in our poly dating opportunities. Polygamy dating requires us to manage expectations around holidays like these. If you are making plans individually with your partners, iron out the details well before Valentine’s Day 2023—and account for any potential disruptions.

It can be hard to dispel the need to go all out lest you risk looking like you don’t care about your relationships. Emotionally healthy and rational adults shouldn’t put too much pressure on themselves for a single day. But love makes us act in ways we never thought we would, for better or for worse.

Have a backup plan

If you were counting on a dinner reservation to make your Valentine’s Day, you might want to rethink your strategy. If anything else, COVID-19 has taught us to adapt and always prepare for the unexpected. You can sign up for something online that’s unlikely to be canceled, like an online class or a live music show. Play your favorite board games or video games together. If you’re not much of a gamer, have a movie night complete with movie theater fares like buttered popcorn, candy, and sweet drinks.

Don’t forget about your platonic relationships

Valentine’s Day is known for declarations of romantic love, but modern Valentine’s Day celebrations should include platonic loves, too. The past three years have shown us not to take time for granted, so Valentine’s Day 2023 is an opportunity to show friends and family that they are loved. Send your best gals and pals bouquets, chocolates, or their favorite snacks. Text them meaningful messages listing the qualities you love about them and memories with them you cherish most.

The best gifts aren’t just material things, either. Poly dating on a budget is possible, and the best memories of Valentine’s Day 2023 will be spending time with your loved ones, not with an extravagant gift.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

The life of polygamy, or polyamory, comes with many quirks along with its many benefits. Day to day, as your polyamorous relationships grow in size and strength, you’ll find yourself in little situations you may have never expected. From sleeping arrangements to table settings, the unique approaches each relationship employs as solutions create one-of-a-kind lives to enjoy together. Every day cannot be a cakewalk. Sometimes you just want to relax and be normal. Embracing your weirdness and rejecting the stress it can bring will keep you, and your loved ones, as the individuals you’re meant to be. If you’re new to polyamory, or only considering the option, here are a few things to expect along the way. 

Did I mention sleeping arrangements? Yeah, this one can be very creative for poly groups or families. There may be core relationships involved or fully autonomous situations. Polygamist families with a patriarchal core, in which multiple heterosexual women are committed to one man, have to take turns with their husband. If you plan to become a sister wife, it’s important that a family you’re interested in joining is the right fit for you. Two couples that decide to form a poly relationship may keep separate homes entirely. It’s important to consider what living and sleeping arrangements will work for you before getting too involved in a situation that will leave you feeling cold. If you’re a single person that begins dating a couple you can’t make assumptions about the direction it may go. Ask them! Most people interested in poly or polygamy dating are perfectly comfortable telling potential partners what they’re interested in, or open to. Don’t bend too far toward their expectations and away from your own. Spend more time finding people that fit you. 

Shifting sexual boundaries is also more prominent in polyamorous relationships. The very nature of polygamy or polyamory already requires some thinking outside of the box, so interest in sexual exploration often comes with the territory. It’s possible to remain very conservative but important not to enforce unwanted restraints on any of your partners. Keeping an open mind and open conversation will keep relationships happier and healthier in the long run. If you have personal boundaries that simply cannot be tested, don’t wait until you’re heavily involved with a relationship before expressing your feelings. There are no rules except for the rules you and your partners agree to. Be ready to encounter anything, and be respectful, while asserting what is right, or wrong, for you. Being poly doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your standards but it does mean you should be respectful of others’ curiosities. 

Finances are a bit more complicated for polyamorous relationships as well. Five people sharing one bank account sounds confusing, and maybe even dangerous. A lot of people, even monogamous people, prefer to keep their finances separate nowadays. Either way, sharing of finances in various forms might come up, so it’s best to develop your preferences early so you know how much sharing is comfortable for you. Five incomes under one roof can be a beautiful thing, but one bad apple can ruin it for everyone. Keep an eye out for overspenders or people that are misleading about their net worth. Two unemployed grifters under your roof are no way to enjoy a poly life. 

Presenting your polyamorous relationship to the world around you can also be tricky. One general rule to follow is actually a simple fact: your relationship is ultimately nobody’s business but your own. There is no shame in saying you’re just friends to people you know will not be supportive. Don’t feed their ignorance and give them a reason to make your life difficult. Five people checking into one hotel room might cost a little extra, but you owe no explanation to the front desk. Ordering a table for five on Valentine's Day might raise a few eyebrows, but it’s none of your business what other people think of you, just like it’s none of their business that you’re on a date with multiple people. A woman doesn’t become a sister wife, and nobody practices polyamory, for the entertainment of others. Validation can be a very nice thing but learning to let go of the need for it is even better. Otherwise, you find yourself seeking it all the time. Enjoy your poly date and the beautiful world you’ve built for yourself. Let the rest of the world do their own thing.

When you join a polygamist family or find a polyamorous relationship, you make a choice to walk to the beat of your own drum. Shedding the constraints and standards society set up for everyone will lead to a few difficult situations. People that are gatekeepers feel a strong need to enforce what they believe is the correct way to live and love. Gatekeepers do not like change or opposition. They have been fighting against anything but the ‘nuclear family’ for centuries even though there is absolutely nothing to suggest monogamy is even a healthy way to live. Knowing you’ve made the choices that are right for yourself, and that you’re building a life to make yourself happy, will pay off eventually. Don’t get discouraged and give up on the poly life. Even if your table for five needs to only be at home for a while, you will find your flow and the world outside will eventually lose its daunting edge.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

The year 2023 is upon us and it’s time to look ahead to new and better things. One of the still developing revolutions that will come to fruition in our modern era is a more honest approach to love, sex, and relationships. Many of the old rules surrounding gender roles and relationship norms no longer apply, or, at least, only apply by choice. The days of ‘good ‘ole boys’ and their ‘little ladies’ aren’t over, they’re improved because we now have a choice to play the roles we desire in our life, like polyamorous relationships. 

Polyamory roles no longer have to suit the expectations of others. Divorce rates are declining for the first time in decades because marriage doesn’t have to feel like a prison to many people any longer. Entering into a polyamorous relationship ouples finding the value in dating outside of their relationship, either apart or together, according to the rules that work for them. Removing the scourge of sneaking around behind each other's backs is creating stronger and more loving relationships. Sharing truly is caring. Here are five considerations for exploring polyamory either with your current partner or if you want to meet someone new.

1. Use your imagination. Taking time to consider all of the possibilities and honing in on the relationship styles and situations that suit your desires will ensure you’re on your correct poly path. Maybe becoming a sister wife and enjoying a big family is right for you. Maybe dating an existing couple and being involved with them both is your cup of tea. Perhaps you want to avoid serious commitments and only date a few people at a time for intimacy and fun then keep moving along. The only limits on your polyamorous relationships are those agreed upon by everyone involved. Do keep in mind that the desire to sleep around freely and never have any level of commitment is not polyamory. That’s fine if it’s your thing, but polyamorous relationships are more than just hookups, even if they aren’t serious at any point. Think about the respect you’d like from others while imagining the intimate situations that turn you on and you can narrow down the scenarios that will work for you. After some thoughtful consideration, it’s time to get out there and mingle!

2. Avoid delusions. Polyamory is not a magic bullet that will take out all of the common difficulties relationships can face. All of the same red flags when meeting others still apply. In fact, you have added red flags to look for. Stay away from people that use polyamory as an excuse to avoid commitment or to cover up for sex addiction. The trendy factor is also a major red flag. Getting involved with someone that thinks it’s cute to be poly for now, but will want to tie you down in six months, will bring nothing but heartache eventually. Be honest with your potential partners and forget any notions that eventually you’ll have a ‘normal’ relationship. Don’t use poly dating to fish a monogamous relationship out of it someday. It’s unfair and unseemly, and you’re only going to hurt yourself and the people you love.

3. Focus on enjoying yourself. It’s easy to feel alone and a bit desperate when you’re not making any connections that might lead to something more. The need for affection and intimacy is certainly a strong force within all of us. Don’t lose sight of the importance of self-love, as well as love for everyone already in your life. Whether you’re a polygamous husband seeking a new sister wife, a single lady looking for a few Mr. Rights, or a couple looking to date a third, neglecting the existing love and friendships already in your life will only feed feelings of loneliness or desperation. Polygamy or polyamory shouldn’t be mechanisms to complete you. They should be sources to share the whole person you are with other whole people you love. The ability to enjoy yourself, even when you are alone, puts a big green flag over you. Losing the need for others to feel complete is a gift we should all work to give ourselves.

4. Find the appropriate resources. Some people enjoy going out on the weekend while others enjoy community-based social events such as Poly Big Fun to be held in Spring 2023 in Texas and International OpenCon Catalonia in Summer 2023. There are many more online resources for everything, from looking for a sister wife to finding a couple interested in a third just for some fun. It’s great to explore all the options out there, but important not to get yourself into uncomfortable situations. To put it in extreme but simple terms, if you have prudish tendencies it’s advisable to avoid swingers. Don’t judge yourself for your comfort zones. Know your comfort zones and learn to be confident about enforcing your boundaries. Not one thing about being polyamorous suggests being a pushover. Be open, be honest, be yourself, and you will eventually find the people and places that bring your unique version of joy.

5. Remember who you are, and what you want. Honesty is almost always the best policy. We’ve all had that friend that always changed for every person they dated. Not changes that are natural, but in ways that made it clear they were out of touch with any personal identity and seeking an identity through a relationship. These people may be perfectly happy living for someone else, but something will always be missing for those that never really know themselves. Being in touch with your true personal desires and interests will help you be a better lover and friend. It will also help keep you from getting involved in relationships or situations that will never make you happy. Never compromise your core self to satisfy others when it comes to your life and happiness. Embrace yourself first, then others.

With every new year comes a new lease on life. Something about putting a year behind us feels like leaving the past behind. A new year is a great time to step outside of our boxes and explore things we may not have dared to explore before. Keeping these considerations in mind will make sure you’re keeping it reasonable and thoughtful. Exploring the possibilities of polyamorous relationships in life doesn’t require you to do anything but get out there and meet new people. Even if it never goes anywhere you could make some great new friends along the way. You and your current partner might only spice up your own relationship, but where’s the harm in that? You’ll learn more about yourself, your partner, and your relationship at the very least. Keep it honest, keep it fun, and keep your love growing in whatever way is right for you.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc