Chris's article

What are the most important rules on polyamory that you need to discuss in your relationship? Namely, consensual agreement, time management, boundaries, open communication, and…safe, intimate practices. In this article, we will look at these rules in more detail, we invite you to read on!

Examples of the Most Important Polyamory Rules

Without any further ado, let’s look at the most crucial rules you need to establish in your polyamorous relationship. Take a look below.

1. Consensual Agreement

Polyamory is all about consent, the rule that all partners should consent to a non-monogamous relationship should be the absolute cornerstone for you and your partners.

2. Time Management

When it comes to time management in polyamory, this can get quite complicated. You need to pay enough attention and spend time with all of your partners (equally or proportionally, depending on the type of your poly relationship). If you don’t do this, you might make your partner(s) feel neglected and/or insecure.

Therefore, you should establish clear rules regarding time management at the beginning of your polyamorous relationship. Remember to include time for yourself, your self-development, and hobbies, having several partners is fun, but that does not mean you should spend all of your time with them!

3. Boundaries

It’s also crucial that you establish clear boundaries at the start of your relationship. After all, your partners might have different poly attachment styles, so what works for one of them might be uncomfortable for the other.

You need to discuss this at the beginning of your relationship and decide on the do’s and don’ts for each of you. This is especially crucial when there is a conflict of interests, namely when one person’s needs would violate the second person’s boundaries, such a discussion will let you come up with a compromise that will make all of you satisfied and comfortable.

4. Open Communication

Why do you need to establish rules regarding open communication? Well, first of all, it will help you resolve conflicts in your poly relationship . But, it’s not just that.

Jealousy and insecurities in polyamory, that’s what makes open communication crucial. These two emotions are bound to appear at some point in your relationships, and the best way to deal with them is to talk them through. Hence, your polyamory rules should include open communication and the ability to talk about anything without being judged.

5. Safe Intimate Practices

Polyamory is different vs. open relationships, you don’t engage with partners outside of your network. Nevertheless, the number of partners may change and will generally be higher than for those who are monogamous. Therefore, it is crucial to establish rules regarding safe, intimate practices.

Thanks to this, you will avoid risk when broadening your network (or even when infidelity is concerned). Thus, discuss this with your partner(s) in advance!

6. People>Relationship

Finally, the last example of a rule you should establish in polyamory is one saying that people are more important than the relationship. Sometimes, you just don’t click; at other times, some conflicts cannot be resolved and divide particular partners in your relationship. In such cases, you should prioritize the well-being of each of your partners (and yours), at times; it might even be better to break up with one of them than to suffer in an unhappy relationship.

Ready to Put These Rules into Practice?

The above examples of rules to discuss in polyamory are the answers to the potential challenges you’ll need to overcome in your relationship. Therefore, it’s best to discuss them right away rather than to end up with a problem escalating to a full-on conflict later on.

Looking for more like-minded people for your poly relationship? Check out our poly dating app!

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

What is a primary partner in polyamory? This is the partner with whom you share significant life commitments in a polyamorous relationship. What’s important is that you have a primary partner only in hierarchy polyamory—you could be in a multiple-person relationship without distinguishing between primary, secondary and tertiary partners. In this article, we will look at this in more detail. We invite you to read on.

What Is a Primary Partner in Polyamory?

The term primary partner is used in hierarchical types of polyamorous relationships - those that include an established structure of relationships between partners depending on how strong their bond is. The primary partner is the most important partner, one with the strongest bond and commitment.

What is important is that there might be different types of commitments between primary partners, and there are no established rules regarding what the relationship between them should look like. Below, you’ll find a list of potential commitments, though remember that not all of them need to be met, as it depends on the relationship dynamics.

• Living together (although you can live with a nesting partner without them being your primary!).

• Sharing finances.

• Spending most time together.

• Prioritizing this partner over the others.

• Having kids together.

• Being married.

Does Every Polyamorous Relationship Involve Primary Partners?

Technically, primary partners are reserved for hierarchical poly relationships, ones where there is a clear line drawn between the importance of each partner. However, it’s possible to have a primary partner even in non-hierarchical relationships, though many people are often unaware of having one.

If you prioritize one of your partners in your network, they are likely to be your primary - even if you do this subconsciously. Therefore, although the term is reserved for hierarchical relationships, it can go beyond them.

Primary Partner in Polyamory = Stronger Bond and Relationship

You need to remember that a primary partner in polyamory is someone with whom your bond is stronger than with the others, not someone with whom you share more commitments. Naturally, those commitments mentioned in the first section of this article often match a stronger relationship, but it does not have to be in all cases.

For instance, you can have nesting partners, those with whom you live. They don’t necessarily need to be your primaries, you might live with them out of pure convenience. At the same time, the fact that you have kids with a particular partner does not automatically make them your primary - you can have and raise kids in a polyamorous relationship with multiple partners without growing a stronger bond.

This goes the other way around. You don’t need to live and share finances with your partner for them to be your primary - what matters is your emotional connection. Therefore, while in theory, the concept seems pretty simple, in practice, defining whether a partner in a polyamorous relationship is your primary or not requires a deep insight into yourself, your emotions, and your bond.

Time to Define Your Own Rules!

As you can see, the idea of a primary partner is quite complex and often difficult to grasp - unless you live in a clearly defined, hierarchical poly relationship. But, do you even need a primary or secondary partner? It all depends on you - some prefer to have one most important partner, while others might find this concept restricting, so you should choose whatever floats your boat!

Looking for new partners? See our polyamory dating app!

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc