Chris's article

Meeting new people can feel exciting and full of possibilities. You get to dress up, share stories, and maybe form a real connection. Despite all the good that can happen, it’s important to remember that some people are not who they appear to be. Geoffrey Paschel, for example, was on the fourth season of 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days but was later convicted of kidnapping and assaulting his ex-fiancée, Kristen Wilson. In that 2019 incident, Wilson ended up with a concussion, bruises, and cuts. Paschel also had previous drug charges on his record, which affected his sentencing in February 2022. He received 18 years without parole. This case is a clear reminder that someone’s outward charm can disguise an abusive or dangerous side, and you can experience this at any stage of dating, even a first date.

Many people who go through frightening or toxic situations never receive widespread attention or a clear sense of justice. Sometimes, they are unaware of the risk they are in until they’ve suffered real damage. That’s why it can help to know the red flags from the start, along with safety tips for meeting someone for the first time. Below, you’ll find suggestions for keeping your first date safer, spotting warning signs if you decide to continue the relationship, understanding online dating risks, and knowing where to turn if trouble arises. This advice isn’t meant to scare you away from dating. Instead, it gives you tools to stay mindful and safe while you explore new connections.

Staying Safe on a First Date

Choosing the right setting for a first date can make a huge difference in how comfortable and secure you feel. Public places with plenty of people around, like coffee shops, casual restaurants, or even a daytime park event, are great for an initial meeting. Avoid secluded spots, your own house, or your date’s place right away. If the person you’re meeting knows where you live and the encounter turns awkward or frightening, they could show up at your home unannounced in the future. Some people even prefer meeting in a part of town that’s different from where they live, just in case the date doesn’t go well.

Planning your own way to get there and back is another step toward controlling your safety. Drive yourself, take a rideshare, or have a friend drop you off and pick you up. That way, you can leave whenever you want and aren’t stuck waiting on someone who might be making you uncomfortable. If the date seems nice, you can always stay longer. But if you feel pressured or uneasy, you can exit quickly without depending on the other person.

It’s also smart to let a friend or family member know your plans. Give them the time and place of the date, the name of the person you’re meeting, and a rough estimate of when you’ll be home. You could use check-in apps like uSafeUs or SafeDate that send reminders for you to confirm you’re safe. Another option is sharing your phone’s real-time location using something like Google Maps on Android or the Find My app on iPhone. A simple code word agreed upon in advance can be your way of saying, “Help me out” without the other person realizing you’re calling for backup.

Many people also choose to limit or skip alcohol and other substances on a first date. Drinking can dull your judgment and make it harder to notice red flags. If you do decide to drink, consider a lower limit that helps you remain alert. If you start feeling uncomfortable due to the situation or the amount you’ve had to drink, remember you can always leave. Your safety comes first.

First Date Red Flags

Even if you follow these precautions, it’s important to keep an eye out for behavior that signals potential danger. Here are some red flags to watch for right away:

• They keep pushing to go somewhere private. If your date insists on leaving your public location to go back to your place or theirs, especially when you’ve just met, this can be a tactic to isolate you. Trust your intuition if you feel rushed or uneasy.

• They ignore your personal space. Maybe they try to hug or kiss you when you haven’t shown interest, or they keep touching you despite hints (or outright statements) that you’re uncomfortable. Disregarding boundaries is a strong sign of disrespect. For more on limits in relationships, check out polyamory and healthy boundaries.

• They use negging or half-insults. Negging involves backhanded compliments that are meant to lower your self-esteem. Comments like, “I’m surprised that outfit looks good on you,” or, “You’re actually smart for someone who didn’t go to college,” are designed to make you crave their approval.

• They refuse to change locations or plans. If you propose a different spot and they ignore your suggestion, it could mean they don’t care about your comfort. In extreme cases, it might even indicate they planned something you wouldn’t like.

• They keep lying or changing their stories. If your date contradicts their own background info or job details, they might be hiding something bigger. Be wary of repeated inconsistencies.

• They trash everyone around them. If they spend most of the date criticizing former partners, coworkers, family members, or friends, it could hint at deeper emotional problems. They might eventually treat you the same way.

• They love bomb you. Over-the-top affection or expensive gifts right from the start might seem flattering, but it’s sometimes a ploy to make you feel indebted or attached. Abusers often use love bombing before showing controlling behavior.

• They pick fights over tiny things. It’s normal to have different opinions, but constant arguments or raised voices over small details may reveal anger issues. A calm conversation should not feel like a battle.

New Relationship Red Flags

If your first few dates go smoothly and you decide to keep seeing each other, pay attention to how things progress:

1. They don’t respect your time or opinions. A partner might demand that you drop your hobbies or constantly rearrange your schedule to please them. Small demands can quickly turn into major control tactics, eroding your personal life.

2. They threaten you. Threats can be physical or emotional, including breaking objects, raising a hand to intimidate you, or implying they’ll harm themselves if you don’t comply. None of that should ever be part of a loving or healthy bond.

3. They make every decision for you. It’s fine if they occasionally pick a restaurant or plan an outing, but if you’re never allowed input or feel guilty for disagreeing, that’s an alarming pattern. Healthy relationships involve both people having a say.

4. They interfere with birth control. In a heterosexual relationship, lying about contraceptives or insisting that you avoid them is known as reproductive coercion. Learn more at reproductive coercion. You have every right to protect your body.

5. They isolate you from loved ones. Individuals who want total control might discourage you from seeing friends or family. They could claim your friends are a bad influence or make you feel guilty for having your own support network. As Waypoint Services explains, isolating someone is a common tactic in dating violence.

6. They pressure you to do things you don’t want to do. This could be about alcohol, drugs, or sexual acts. People like Geoffrey Paschel have used force or intimidation to get their way. If you notice controlling or scary behavior at any point, trust your gut and create distance sooner rather than later.

Online Dating Safety

Many people today meet potential dates through apps or websites. While this can be a great way to connect with people you’d never meet otherwise, it also carries certain risks:

• Watch out for fake or catfishing profiles. Some people post stolen photos or made-up details to earn your trust.

• In niche dating circles, such as polyamorous communities, scammers might pretend to be into the lifestyle but are actually seeking money or personal info. For more on this, read red flags in online poly dating.

• Avoid sharing your address or too many personal details too quickly. If someone tries to steer the conversation toward your finances, that’s a major red flag.

• Use apps or sites that give you ways to report suspicious behavior. Look for platforms with security features like photo verification or background checks.

Protecting yourself online also means securing your digital presence. Be cautious about sending private photos or information that could be used against you later. Don’t click on any suspicious links that someone you barely know sends you, and do a bit of research on the person if something feels off.

Additional Safety Strategies

Encourage open communication with friends. If your close friends notice changes in your behavior or suspect something is wrong, listen to them. They might see troubling patterns before you do. Regularly checking in with a friend about your dating experiences can help you stay aware of red flags.

Trust your instincts. If a voice in your head tells you something isn’t right, take it seriously. Often, people downplay their own concerns to avoid seeming rude or dramatic, but ignoring your intuition can lead to real harm. It’s always better to be cautious than to stick around in a risky situation.

Know that leaving might mean leaving fast. In some cases, your safety can depend on leaving without giving the other person a warning. That might mean stepping away while they’re distracted or even calling a friend to come get you. You never owe someone who makes you feel unsafe a lengthy explanation for why you want to go.

Create a practical plan. If you plan on going out with someone you don’t know well, consider having a friend call you at a certain time to confirm everything is okay. You could also arrange a subtle “I need help” text you can send if you require an excuse to leave.

Where to Get Help

If you ever feel scared or suspect your relationship is taking a dangerous turn, reaching out for support is vital. Confidential hotlines are available to listen and guide you:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

• RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Local shelters, nonprofit organizations, and hotlines often provide free advice, counseling, and even safe housing if you face an immediate threat. Sometimes, talking to a friend, counselor, or relative helps you gain the clarity to see that you’re in a harmful situation. People on the outside may notice shifts in your mood or behavior that you’ve become too overwhelmed to see yourself.

Staying safe doesn’t mean you have to be suspicious of everyone you meet. Dating can still open doors to wonderful friendships, experiences, and even a life partner. However, when you take steps like meeting in public, telling a friend your plans, and knowing your personal boundaries, you’re better equipped to spot problems early. The balance between open-mindedness and caution is what helps you stay both safe and social.

Keep in mind that you have every right to feel comfortable and respected in any dating scenario. If something or someone sets off alarm bells, trusting your instincts can keep you from getting tangled in a bad situation. While you can’t always predict how someone will act, having a plan in place, like a friend’s check-in call, can make a big difference.

Ultimately, the most important thing is remembering that you deserve safety, respect, and honesty in your dating life. If you ever find yourself in a situation that feels wrong, there’s no shame in stepping away. You never owe someone more time if they’re crossing lines or making you feel uneasy. By practicing these safety habits, you’ll be able to explore the dating world with more confidence, knowing you’re looking out for your well-being at every step.

Published By: Sister Wives  

Matchmakers Inc

On January 23, 2022, Sister Wives released its series 16 finale which was the 10th episode of the season. Throughout past episodes, Kody’s strict quarantine rules drove the family into disagreements both big and small. But on our screens this week, we see a turning point in Christine and Kody’s marriage. 

First, we finally see the Brown family have a little fun.

The episode starts off with preparations for Ariella’s birthday celebration in January. At the top of everyone’s to-do list is getting tested for COVID. However, Kody butts heads with him and Janelle’s sons over the patriarch’s social restrictions.

Despite this conflict and pandemic-induced stress, the family shares a good time. Then the peace is disturbed once again. Robyn and Kody’s nanny and the nanny’s husband test positive for COVID, exposing the whole family to the virus. Something of a panic ensues, while Kody is bewildered that his family was compromised despite being so careful.

Still, the most emotional segments in the episode are Christine and Kody’s confessionals and conversations about intimacy.

What happened between Kody and Christine?

At Christine’s abode, she and Kody are putting up a door together for her room to keep the cat out. The conversation turns to the subject of intimacy in their marriage — or rather, the lack of it. Kody has mentioned to Christine before that he no longer finds her attractive, which makes the conversation not much of a surprise, but it is still a tender subject for the sister wife.

Kody states that he no longer wants an intimate marriage with Christine and that her repeated threats over leaving the plural marriage supposedly destroyed their intimacy.

In a confessional, Christine admits that

...to be honest, I'm not okay with that. I'm not okay with staying in a marriage where there's no intimacy. That's not a real marriage. I'm not interested in a half marriage or a partial marriage or whatever we have. 

After the sensitive conversation, Christine takes action. She packs up Kody’s things into boxes and leaves them in the garage to make sure he doesn’t spend his time at their place packing instead of playing with their shared children. She officially kicks him out of the bedroom, the reason being that they now have a platonic marriage, so he has no reason to enter anymore.

Kody is dumbfounded at first, thinking that the whole thing "appears to be a game…but it might not be,” although he acknowledges that he almost doesn’t care. It’s no surprise then that in 2021 before the current season aired, Christine and Kody announced their official split on Instagram.

Since then, Christine has shown she has indeed taken the time to “take a breath and get [herself] grounded and get [her] head in a good place and just rest for a bit and just settle for a bit.” It seems independence is suiting Christine as she enjoys the single life in Utah.

How does Kody feel about Christine leaving?

After more than 25 years of marriage to Christine with 12 years of it being tumultuous, Kody’s reaction to Christine leaving almost feels callous. In the episode, Kody says to the camera of his packed belongings, "I don't want to take any of it out of here yet because I honestly didn't know she was this serious.”

He expressed that Christine’s decision to leave was one-sided. In the past, he’s said he would not and could not end a marriage with any of his sister wives and that the decision to leave is up to them.

Kody feels “ambivalent” and his second thought about the whole thing “is relief. Some kind of relief from the burden and the woe of a loveless marriage.”

Is Janelle leaving Sister Wives?

Janelle and Kody married spiritually in January 1993 and share six children, but they are all almost grown, except for Savannah who is 17. In previous episodes, we also get a glimpse into sister wife Janelle’s mindset. 

She admits, “I’ve had to really think. My children are almost grown and there’s not a huge necessity anymore to stay…With Kody and I right now, our relationship is pretty strained. And you know, it’s easy to walk away.”

We see a pattern here. It seems that the other sister wives — Meri, Christine, and Janelle — all feel like secondary partners. They recognize that Kody prioritizes his and Robyn’s household and relationship over theirs. Perhaps Christine’s decision may have been heart-shattering, but necessary for her mental health.

What’s in store for season 17?

A source revealed that Kody may be looking to find new wives and start over. He plans on staying with Robyn and wants to find sister wives who understand and accept that his relationship with Robyn comes first.

Hierarchical relationships are valid, but fans wonder who might be willing to enter an arrangement where the affection and devotion would be so unevenly split.

For now, we’ll keep following the Brown clan on social media for any spoilers and teasers about season 17.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

When it comes to trustworthy poly dating apps and services, your choices can seem sparse. From hordes of polycurious users searching for hookups to lustful couples hunting for unicorns, some online dating apps are problematic. Here at Sister Wives, we always aim to give you the best poly dating experience whether that’s on our app or our website. In fact, we’re the first poly dating service to acquire a trademark. We got ours through the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) Word Mark. We registered “Sister Wives” for the International Class (IC) 25 Apparel trademark class and the IC 45 trademark class for Services in Dating and Matchmaking.

Why does this matter? Well, we believe in building credibility where we can and staying ahead of other apps and services. You know us by our name and our logo. We protect that association and our reputation through the trademark registration process.

What’s the difference between a trademark and a copyright?

These two registration processes are similar, but they differ.

Trademark

Per the USPTO, a trademark is a “word, phrase, design” or any mix of the three that distinguishes you from competitors. Registering a company is also a good way of protecting your brand should others try to imitate yours. For instance, our Sister Wives trademark sets us apart from other poly dating apps and services in the market like Feeld and PolyFinda. Since we registered our logo and name, no other poly dating apps (or services) can exploit these.

Copyright

Copyright, on the other hand, is your claim to an original work you can touch, see, or hear. This includes music, novels, photos, and movies. Copyrighting a piece of work prevents others from recreating or distributing your work without your permission. In “Terms of Use and Agreements,” you might also see a copyright clause. This usually means that the site or app has the right to use anything you post to their platform. In this case, you’re giving up your right to your copy, be it a comment or photo you posted.

What is the difference between the ™ and ® symbols?

The trademark symbol can be used by anyone for any phrase, service, or good, even if it isn’t trademarked yet. On the other hand, the R symbol is reserved for the business that owns that phrase, service, or good. Only trademarked items can bear the R symbol. What’s more, the R symbol is only valid in countries/states/regions where your service or good is registered.

Are dating apps copyrighted?

Yes, most dating apps are copyrighted. Poly dating apps may choose to protect certain phrases, app features, or distinct services. For instance, Tinder’s logo is copyrighted like Sister Wives’ logo. Their iconic “Swipe Left” app feature is also copyrighted and trademarked as well as their “Swipe Right” app feature.

What is intellectual property?

In the simplest terms, intellectual property is something someone made. This includes the aforementioned logos, services, and phrases. Copyrights and trademarks are ways to protect intellectual property. Another common way is with a patent, which is used for inventions.

Trademark infringement

This violation is straightforward — it’s when an individual or business wrongfully uses a trademark without the licensee’s permission. If another poly dating app sold sweatshirts using the Sister Wives logo without our knowledge, it would be trademark infringement. Another example is if someone used our Sister Wives logo but instead of a pink heart, they used a red one. You’ll find that trademark infringement happens most in knockoff apparel and goods.

So what?

Like learning how to identify fake dating profiles online, learning how to weed out fake companies can only be beneficial. Deceptive companies who use trademarked services and logos can steal your information or scam you out of your purchases. Poly dating apps and services are just an example of where intellectual property know-how comes in handy. If you’re interested, you can take a look at Sister Wives’ terms of use for our copyright and user agreement specifications.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

The holidays can be a very busy, yet very gratifying, time of year. For many, it’s filled with an abundance of love, but for some, it can be a sensitive season.

Poly dating during the holiday season can be overly demanding on your mental, emotional, and physical health. You have multiple partners to consider, friends to meet, and maybe even kids to think of. If your family celebrates with gifts and food, then you may have even more on your plate. Here’s our guide on surviving the end-of-year festivities.

Before you go mad trying to plan, shop, and prepare, consider our tips on managing poly dating during the long holiday break.

Carefully plan your events, but be prepared to make accommodations

Yes, preparation is key to preventing party troubles, but overpreparing can hurt, too. One way you can manage anxiety around poly dating during the holidays is by making sure you speak with your partner(s) about expectations.

Who will be there?

It can feel uncomfortable telling new partners they won’t be included in your family party, especially if they’re new suitors. But being transparent is the best practice here. Clarify who will be where so you can make the necessary arrangements.

It’s also common practice to host different events for different groups. You can spend time with your family in the morning and with your significant others at night without feeling guilty.

How long are the festivities?

When you’re having fun, it’s easy to lose track of time. Setting temporal limits around celebrations can ensure you don’t get overwhelmed if guests overstay their welcome.

Setting a specific time is also crucial if you don’t happen to be “out” as a poly couple or individual just yet. If your family were to walk in on your polycule for instance, there’s a potential of some awkward exchanges—exchanges you maybe weren’t emotionally ready for just yet.

When you stagger events throughout the day, it becomes crucial to enforce time limits. 

Are we exchanging presents, bringing food, or just having drinks?

The holidays are big on food, drinks, and presents. Before the party, make sure you and your partners are clear on expectations around these, especially gifts.

● Are you expected to get your metamour a present?

● If you’re a secondary partner to a couple who’s hosting a dinner with their family, are you expected to bring a dish plus small gifts for everyone? 

● If you’re hosting a lunch and inviting a primary partner to you and your nesting partner’s place, are they expected to come over and help you set up?

These are just a few examples, but they can help open up some conversations about the holidays as a poly lover.

Try to fit in dedicated time with your partners

It helps to find time to speak with your partners one-on-one about holiday plans. This can help prevent hurt feelings or disappointment which could lead to resentment. For example, if you and your partner have been courting another couple for several months, does this mean you’ll have a blended family gathering? 

This can turn into a game of chicken where both sides will feel let down if the other doesn’t make a move.

Again, another situation you might find yourself in is determining whether or not all your partners would even want to spend the holidays together. If you are the host, make sure to let your partners know when the others may be coming so they can plan ahead.

Talk about and clarify boundaries if family members or friends are present

If your family doesn’t know about your poly status, you might hold off on inviting your partners to the big dinner. This can make your partner feel unloved if they assume you are hiding them from your parents, siblings, and other relatives. Prepare to have these types of conversations with an extra dose of empathy.

On the other hand, if your partner knows your situation and still wants to participate during the holidays as a “friend,” then that could be a way to slowly introduce them to your family.

You might also discuss what level of affection you’re comfortable displaying to your friends and family between you and your partners. Is hugging acceptable? Would holding hands on the couch in front of everyone be too intimate?

Start some unique traditions

One way you can strengthen bonds during the holidays is by starting some new traditions. Of course, you may already have some you carried over from childhood, like watching movies on New Year’s Day or ordering in on Christmas Eve. Here are some more wholesome ideas to try out.

● Bake a dessert together

● Exchange gratitude affirmations instead of (or in addition to) gifts

● Donate supplies or toys to your local organizations

Don’t be afraid to say no

Hosting holiday parties can be taxing. So can attending parties. Be gentle on your mind and body by saying no if you feel like you’re taking on too much responsibility or RSVP-ing to too many events.

Here are some ways you can say no.

● Be honest. Tell them you don’t have the time or resources to do X thing.

● Offer an alternative even if you say no.

● Turn them down gently by saying you’ll have to check your schedule or follow up with your work calendar.

● Thank your friend, family member, or partner for the invitation, but you simply can’t make it. You don’t owe people an explanation.

Final Thoughts

Poly dating can make the holidays feel even more of a whirlwind, but understand that most poly celebrations look just like any other party. Our main piece of advice is setting boundaries about your time, resources, and intention with every dinner, lunch, or all-day party.

If you want more tips on navigating this busy time, check out our other post about Poly Dating and Christmas.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

In poly dating, a metamour is your partner’s other partner. This definition can vary between different poly relationships. For instance, are you a triad who all have relationships with one another? Are you in a hierarchical relationship, and your metamour is the secondary partner? Are you practicing solo polyamory and not seeking to forge a relationship between your partners?

Whatever your poly dating arrangement, getting long with your metamour is as simple as establishing boundaries, respecting those boundaries, and communicating clearly. You might even find that you don’t want to create a deep relationship with them after all — for whatever reason — and that’s acceptable, too.

What is a typical metamour relationship in poly dating?

There is no typical relationship of this sort, but you might observe that most metamours at least know each other as acquaintances with friendly rapport. In many cases, they can become close friends or even romantic or sexual partners, depending on the specific relationship.

Metamours can be a source of comfort and support since you have a common partner. Your lives are likely to overlap, and it may be beneficial to have someone to talk to that’s going through the same things.

Take it slow

But that’s not to say that you have to meet your partner’s other beloved at all. In fact, if you’re the hinge of a poly relationship, be careful not to force your partners to meet each other if they don’t initiate it. Ideally, you want to have the talk with your partner(s) beforehand if they want to get to know their metamours or not.

Additionally, some partners might make it a point not to meet metamours until you’ve been together for at least a few months. Some partners might enjoy meeting everyone you have a connection with, whether or not the relationship has the potential to last long or not.

At the very least, swapping phone numbers or social media handles may be a more casual way to introduce one another. It’s also a good idea in case of an emergency. If you and your partner live together and your partner’s lover comes over often, then of course prolonging your meeting may be more difficult.

Just know that there’s no pressure to build a relationship with them if that’s not in your agreement with your partner. This is good news for introverts who may need some time to prepare to meet new people, or for people new to poly dating who have never had this kind of complex relationship before.

Establish respectful boundaries

If and when you do meet your partner’s other sweetheart, it’s important to go in with some ground rules first. No questions are too bottom of the barrel, either. You might ask what time you plan on hanging out and until when. 

Is your partner allowed you to talk to you about personal matters about your metamour, and vice versa? Who will be there? Just you two or your mutual partner, too? If your mutual partner will be present, how affectionate/intimate will they be with your metamour? Or with you?

Finally, set a time to reflect on the meeting with your partner later on. You don’t have to reveal everything you talked about, but it may be a nice way to bond and it can strengthen your relationship knowing you and their other partner have connected.

Resist the urge to mediate between your partner and your metamour

If your partner and their other partner are at odds, it’s natural to want to step in. After all, you don’t want to see your companion hurt or emotional, and you may say the same about your metamour if you are close. But boundaries are there for a reason.

They have their own relationship, and just like you wouldn’t meddle in your friends’ relationship, you might want to step back here, too. This is not to say you don’t care about the goings-on of their day-to-day, but poly dating calls for some delicate slacklining between being an external party and an involved party.

Their relationship may indeed affect you, but it’s not your job or responsibility to solve their problems. If they ask for your advice, then that’s a different case. If they do, it may be difficult for you to stay impartial, and it’s okay to say you can lend a sympathetic ear, but giving advice may be above your pay grade.

What if I don’t want to connect with my metamour?

One common fear partners have before meeting their metamour is the fear of not feeling a connection. Or perhaps, equally worse, feeling jealousy or dislike towards them. You may even ask yourself, “I don’t see what [my partner] sees in [this person].”

But guess what? It’s not your duty to see or know what your partner feels in others. They are their own person, after all, and the beauty of polyamory is being open-minded and accepting. You may feel uncomfortable if you find that you have zero things in common with someone they feel passionate about. You may feel insecure if you perceive that this potential partner is “better” than you in some ways, whether that’s in looks, career prospects, financial status, etc.

If you experience negative feelings when meeting a partner’s suitor, it can be helpful to relay them to your partner after the meeting ends. They are the common link nonethelessl, and they can provide insight into your current emotional state.

However, again, there’s no obligation to meet your metamour — just make sure you convey your reasoning with your partner and make sure you are on the same page.

Where should I meet my metamour?

If you feel ready to meet your partner’s companion, ask to meet at a place where you feel relaxed. A cafe, an outdoor park, a brunch spot — somewhere neutral where you don’t feel pressured to act a certain way. While your living room (or theirs) can make you feel anxious about your relationship with your partner, a place with no ties to either of you may be best.

Meeting your metamour is a big deal for many people in the poly dating scene, but it doesn’t have to come with a mountain of pressure. Just thinking of it as meeting your best friend’s other close friend. If you connect on a deeper level, great, if you don’t, you just maintain friendly contact.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

The freedom to make choices is the mainstay of polyamory and polygamous relationships. Whether that’s choosing to be a solo polyamorist, choosing to spiritually marry two wives, or choosing to stay in a hierarchical relationship — the point is, polyamory is about the fluid boundaries we get to determine.

But there’s also a nagging question about choice in consensual nonmonogamy: is it an innate orientation or is it a conscious choice? There’s no clear-cut answer, but the closest we can get to one is that it depends on the person and relationship(s) in question.

For many, feeling alienated by monogamy and rejecting its paradigm can be traced back to childhood. For others, exploring polyamory may have only been triggered after experiencing monogamy first. This latter example is the way most people view polyamory: a lifestyle, an alternative to monogamous relationships that people seek when they feel stifled by tradition. A way to release devious inhibitions.

LGBTQIA+ vs. Poly rights

Neither version is wrong or right. Relationship preferences, sexual orientation, gender — all these lie on a spectrum. However, the problem with viewing polyamory as a choice is that the law then justifies not protecting and advocating for polygamists’ and polyamorists’ rights using this same argument. If people who identify as LGBTQIA+ are born with a certain sexual orientation, then what right do polygamists have to the same legal protections LGBTQIA+ allies have?

This discrepancy is not meant to conflate LGBTQIA+ issues with polygamist ones, but rather highlight the shortcomings of our legal system in recognizing polygamist families as valid families. Families with three wives and a husband are valid. Families with a platonic third parent and two romantically and sexually involved parents are valid. Families that consist of a quad and multiple children are valid.

Benefits of monogamous marriage

Consider this example. A woman is married to Husband 1 but also lives with Husband 2 and Husband 3 — plus their five kids. Husband 2 is a stay-at-home parent, so they don’t have insurance through an employer. Husband 2 falls ill and requires hospitalization. Since he is not legally married to his spiritual wife, he is not on her insurance and so he cannot use her benefits to get medical help beyond the state/federal. The rest must come out-of-pocket or be taken out as debt.

This may not hold true for all insurance companies, but it is a sad reality for many poly families, especially those living on low- to modest incomes. Another stark difference between legally married partners and non-married partners is the inability to file taxes jointly.

Married monogamous couples get to enjoy tax breaks and deductibles. Even if an unmarried poly wife and multiple husbands live together and share expenses, the state does not recognize their union, so they do not enjoy the same benefits available to married couples.

There are countless other incentives to monogamous marriage, including access to a partner’s disability insurance benefits and even adoption tax credits. Moreover, parental custody for a poly parent always seems to be precarious. Coming out to friends and family as a polygamist may not be uncomfortable, but at worst, your loved ones can reject your so-called lifestyle. 

Children of polygamist families may face a constant threat of poly family in case of an untimely death. For example, one poly wife claimed that her family let her know that if she ever passed away, they would seek custody of her child instead of allowing her child to live with the blended family the child has known since infancy.

Poly identity and political discourse

So polyamory isn’t just a choice or a “born this way” attribute. It’s a label that changes meaning depending on who you ask. If you ask a staunch monogamist, they might tell you it’s a plot to oppress women through financial and social restraint. If you ask a married polygamist, they might tell you it’s where their political and personal identities converge.

For many, this crossroad of personal relationships and legal, political rights feels like a battle zone. Until the state fully accepts and recognizes multi-parent homes as legal families, practicing polygamy indeed feels more of a conscious choice than an orientation. 

It’s not just about making choices about who you’re with and what boundaries you’re setting, but choosing to take on the battles at large that include decriminalizing polygamy, destigmatizing misconceptions about polygamy, and fighting for polygamy rights. 

If you want to learn more about why polyamory and polygamy aren’t an official part of the LGBTQIA+ community, we’ve written a great article here.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

It’s official. Or at least Instagram official. On November 2, 2021, Christine and Kody Brown announced their break-up on the social media platform.

The news didn’t seem to shock many, though, considering the recent Season 16 trailer and Christine’s solo move to Utah.

She posted a text photo on Instagram: 

After more than 25 years together, Kody and I have grown apart and I have made the difficult decision to leave. We will continue to be a strong presence in each other’s lives as we parent our beautiful children and support our wonderful family. At this time, we ask for your grace and kindness as we navigate through this stage within our family. With Love, Christine Brown

The two share six children together between the ages of 11 and 26. They married in 1994, which means they were together for more than a quarter of a century — no easy feat considering the trials and tribulations of a polygamous marriage.

The timeline of their relationship

The Browns have a long history, and not all of it was captured onscreen when the hit show premiered in 2010.

1990 - Meri and Kody marry

1993 - Jenelle and Kody marry

1994 - Christine and Kody marry

2011 - The family moves to Las Vegas

2014 - Mery and Kody divorce

         - Robyn and Kody marry

2018 - The family moves to Flagstaff

2019 - The family buys Coyote Pass property

2019 - COVID hits and family has limited interaction

2021 - Christine moves into a rental (November)

         -  Christine and Kody announce split (November)

Where it went wrong

At the end of the Season 15 of Sister Wives, Christine expresses that she wants and plans to move back to Utah.

In the Season 16 teaser released in October 2021, the family seems at odds with living through the pandemic while trying to maintain a semblance of their former integrated lives.

Christine, in particular, is aware of her and Kody’s deteriorating relationship. She pointedly asks the camera in her confession why she should stay and wait for the family to move to their Coyote Pass land when Kody seems content with only one functioning marriage, i.e. his marriage with Robyn, the fourth sister wife.

Where is Christine now?

Christine is currently living in Utah with her younger children. The rental is a new, spacious duplex with a sizable yard.

Without watching the new season (which premieres November 21, 2021) we can’t know for sure what transcribed, but fans postulate that the pressure of COVID and lack of a romantic relationship with Kody sealed the deal.

What do the other sister wives and Kody have to say about the split?

Sister wives Christine, Janelle, and Robyn have yet to address the topic on their social media accounts or speak to trusted publications, but a source from Us Weekly claims Robyn is aware that her stable relationship with Kody may have been a big deciding factor for Christine.

Kody also made a statement about the split on his Instagram, claiming that “Christine’s decision to leave comes with a great deal of sadness...we will always remain committed parents.” 

From his caption, we can hypothesize that Kody may have tried to keep the family together, but we’ll know for sure when the new season hits our screens.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

In the season 16 premiere of Sister Wives from TLC, the Brown family seems to struggle with the new normal during and post-pandemic. Nevertheless, the show must go on. Here is the drama.

Meri Brown lives it up

If there’s anyone who knows a thing or two about marching on even if the going gets tough, it’s Meri.  It seems it’s always rumored she’s done with Kody and is planning to leave, but she’s sticking it out.

This year she faced familial loss, faced backlash by being associated with LuLaRoe, and reopened her quaint bed-and-breakfast in rural Utah. Even though LuLaRoe is facing controversy as an MLM company, she’s remained loyal. Many of her Instagram post captions have various LuLaRoe hashtags.

More recently, Meri’s been seen out and about with a gentleman friend and fans are quick to wonder if she’s finally done with Kody.

Janelle Brown enjoys RV life

In June 2021, Janelle Brown’s ranch home in Arizona sold, leaving her to decide quickly between finding another rental home or trying out something she’s always wanted do (plus save money in the process) — live in an RV.

Janelle’s currently living on the Brown property in Flagstaff, but her type of RV living is more luxurious than normal. The mobile home is equipped with a kitchenette featuring a full fridge, a microwave, and an oven — more than some city apartments have!

It also has a full-sized master bed, two living spaces with bunk beds and lounging furniture, and a loft. To beat the Arizona sun, the RV is decked out with two air conditioners. Janelle’s new adventure is definitely a far cry from the rugged conditions of your typical camper.

Her relationship with the rest of the family is a whole another story. In the trailer, she confides, “I'm at my wits end with this whole bulls**t stuff,” referring to the convoluted process of getting everyone on the same page about the Coyote Pass property.

Christine Brown says no to living together

In the season 16 trailer, we see Christine tearfully confess, “Why would I want to live on the property with a dysfunctional marriage where right over there he's got a full-functioning marriage?”

She is, of course, comparing her rocky marriage with Kody to Robyn and Kody’s seemingly perfect relationship. It’s no secret that Robyn holds most of Kody’s attention and affection, and at a consequential expense of his other three wives’ relationships.

The current plan is to build and move into the family’s plot of land in Coyote Pass in Flagstaff Arizona, a quick ride away from Kody’s three-bedroom home he nabbed in 2018. Christine, on the other hand, is adamant about moving back to Utah.

Sticking to her guns, in October, 2021, Christine purchased and moved into a home in Utah — a three-bedroom duplex constructed in 2019. For now, Christine is enjoying life away from the family, and it’s unclear whether she’ll join Kody and the three other wives at the Coyote Pass land later on.

Robyn Brown endures fan hate

Robyn, Kody’s fourth and most recent wife, is the clear favorite in Kody’s eyes. Unfortunately for her, fans have taken to scapegoating her for all of Kody’s decisions that seem to prioritize her and her children over everyone else in the family.

In the trailer, we hear an exasperated Kody accuse Robyn of wanting to be the head of the family. In Kody’s talking head confessional, he confides that he thinks the other three wives — Meri, Janelle, and Christine — look to Robyn as the head wife and look to her for “approval.”

We see the family read a printed list of COVID-19 rules the family is meant to follow, but we’re not privy to who wrote those just yet. Either way, Robyn is sure to get the villain edit or at the very least, be painted as overly controlling.

Fans are quick to blame her for Kody’s favoritism or any time she doesn’t agree with the other wives. For instance, she refuses to move back to Utah, making sister wife Christine feel betrayed.

It’s no wonder she confesses in the trailer that, “[The pandemic] has made me feel that the foundation that our family was built on is crumbling, I don't know."

Kody Brown still in hopes of keeping family together

Throughout the pandemic, Kody has been the only one moving from one house to another. He lives mainly with Robyn in their Arizona home. He’s taken some flak from his other wives and fans for choosing to stay with Robyn the majority of the time, but his move is understandable.

COVID-19 is a relentless, highly infectious disease, plus he and Robyn still have young children together. Nevertheless, it puts Robyn in an awkward position, who must accept face resentment from the other wives.

Kody, is of course, adamant about moving everyone to their new property, but financial troubles, family disagreements, and relationship tensions are aplenty. While the family is still in the planning phases for the Coyote Pass land, we’ll learn more when the new season premieres on November 21, 2021. Sister Wives Season 16 Trailer!







Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com