Chris's article

What books about polyamory should make it on your must-read list? We recommend The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention, and Survival by Kathy Labriola, More Than Two by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert, and Love in Abundance: A Counselor’s Advice on Open Relationships by Kathy Labriola. Why these books? Find it out!

Best Books about Polyamory That You Should Read

There are many polyamory resources that you can use not only to learn more about being poly but also to find useful tips for your relationships. Literature is one of the most important ones, though it's often difficult to navigate a bookstore, with many books focusing on the toxic, highly conservative polygamy or polyamory rather on the healthy one. However, there are some truly worthy of your time.

What are the must-read polyamory books? Here’s a list!

The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention, and Survival by Kathy Labriola

This is the first (but not last!) polyamory book by Kathy Labriola – a Counselor, Nurse and Hypnotherapist from Berkeley, CA. As an expert in the poly world, Labriola has quite a few tips to offer for those in poly relationships.

The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention, and Survival tackles an important issue regarding poly relationships: situations when you only break up with one partner. However, it’s not the only scope of the book. In it, you will find numerous tips on finding compatible love partners or meeting communication needs in polyamory. Therefore, it’s an absolute must-read book if you’re looking for practical advice regarding your polyamorous relationship.

More Than Two by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert

This book is quite general, yet at the same time, full of invaluable information and polyamory tips. It handles the basic aspects (and potential problems!) of poly relationships and explains how to deal with them effectively. What will you find on the agenda? For instance:

• jealousy and compersion in polyamory,

• sexual health in polyamorous relationships,

• communication in a poly relationship.

As such, it makes a great guide for those who have just started to explore polyamory – a good read before hopping on our poly dating app!

Love in Abundance: A Counselor’s Advice on Open Relationships by Kathy Labriola

Returning to the works of Kathy Labriola, she wrote one of the best books on polyamory: Love in Abundance: A Counselor’s Advice on Open Relationships. Like More Than Two, it’s a pretty general guide, great for those who just entered the world of polyamorous relationships.

The book deals with pretty general topics, like the types of poly relationships, but also comes with some useful tips – for instance, on how to deal with being the secondary partner in a hierarchical relationship. Thus, we strongly recommend it even if you’ve been poly for a few years already.

Honorable Mentions

While the above three are, in our opinion, the top books about polyamory, we need to mention several other titles that might be worth reading. These include:

• The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships by Kathy Labriola – an excellent resource for dealing with jealousy.

• When Someone You Love Is Polyamorous: Understanding Poly People and Relationships by Dr. Elisabeth Scheff – perfect for your non-poly friends and family.

• Playing Fair by Pepper Mint – a great book on toxic masculinity in heterosexual poly relationships.

The Takeaway

The above is our subjective list of the best polyamory books that are a true must-read. Do you have any other positions you would like to recommend? Then leave a comment and share your favorite publications!

If you’re looking for more valuable poly resources, check out our article on the best polyamory podcasts.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

What does polyamory have to do with attachment theory? This theory describes four types of attachment: secure, dismissive, preoccupied, and fearful. While monogamous relationships try to recreate the secure attachment, poly relationships don’t… and it’s not a bad thing since you don’t need the same level of attachment with all your partners. Do you want to find out more? Then keep reading!

Attachment Theory – What Is It and Does It Matter with Polyamory?

Let’s start by explaining the attachment theory in a nutshell. According to it, our childhood experiences predetermine the way in which we form attachments as adults. Naturally, this can be altered throughout our lives, yet it requires conscious effort.

As a part of the attachment theory, there are four basic types of attachment:

• secure attachment,

• dismissive attachment,

• preoccupied attachment,

• fearful attachment.

A traditional, monogamous relationship attempts to recreate secure attachment by means of marriage or sexual exclusivity. This is because this type of attachment is desired in monogamy. But what about polyamory?

Here, the situation is a bit different. Each person sees love in a different way. Hence, different signs of attachment matter to them. This is why, in monogamous relationships, you need to find the perfect partner – a soulmate who has it all. In polyamorous relationships, you have several options, meaning that not every partner has to be perfect – you can meet your emotional needs in polyamory with various partners!

Polyamory and Attachment Styles in Practice

Enough of the theory – what does it all mean in practice? How do the attachment styles become insignificant in polyamory?

Firstly, you need to gather strength from within yourself – it’s often impossible to be similarly attached to different people, and even if you manage it, the situation is always a bit unique with your partners. Thus, to embrace the poly lifestyle, you will sooner or later forget about valuating your relationships through signs from your partners – you’ll find inner self-confidence.

Secondly, you don’t have to be as picky as in a monogamous relationship. Imagine your partner displays signs of anxious attachment, and they also embraces polyamory. Is it a problem? Not really – you can remain what monogamous people would call “friends with benefits” and still maintain a healthy relationship without forming a strong attachment – your emotional needs will be met by other partners.

The same goes for secure, avoidant, or preoccupied attachment in polyamory – it no longer matters since you might not need to (or want to) get on the same level of attachment with all the partners. One partner might not be compatible with you regarding attachment and emotional sphere but have great chemistry with you, making them a perfect lover – and that’s fine; you don’t need an all-in-one. That’s why the theory and the goal of finding a partner with whom you can build a secure attachment isn’t fully relevant in polyamory.

The Takeaway

The attachment theory, while proven scientifically, does not look from the polyamorous point of view. It is quite true for monogamous couples, yet in terms of polygamy, attachment does not matter that much – it’s the confidence and belief inside you that truly matters.

Did you like this article? Then check out our poly dating app!

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

What are the reasons why people choose polyamory? Sometimes, it's just their beliefs; at other times, this decision is made because monogamy just doesn’t work for them. There are also situations in which the circumstances offer a poly option, so people start to pursue it. Finally, they may make the choice to find new energy in their relationship without giving up on the existing one. Do you want to learn more? Then read on!

The Most Common Reasons to Try Polyamory

So, why do people choose polyamory? Here are the most common reasons:

Beliefs

One of the most typical reasons for choosing polyamory is the individual beliefs of the person. These can have their roots in the culture or religion of the given individual (take, for instance, Islam, where polygamy is legal and accepted), or even derive from the person’s own beliefs.

For example, some people claim that monogamy is an artificial construct created by society or governments. In such cases, they are likely to pursue non-monogamous alternatives.

Monogamy Does Not Work

When considering polyamory, you and your partner need to be on board and satisfied with the outcome. The same goes for staying monogamous.

Another reason why some people try polyamory is because they feel unhappy or limited in monogamous relationships. They seek a change, one that could bring joy to them, and often polyamory is their choice. Does it always work out? Not always, but often, it is what these people need.

We have to underline here, though, that polyamory is not cheating, so we do not mean those who choose to cheat on their partners in monogamous relationships.

Circumstances

One more reason why people choose polyamory is… because they are presented with an opportunity to do so. Let’s look at an example of this.

A woman starts dating a man who is polyamorous. She accepts it while remaining monogamous herself. In the end, she sees how comfortable she is with her partner’s polyamory and decides to try it.

Another possibility is when you meet and befriend a poly couple, and they offer you to… have some fun together. Naturally, this is not common, but together with the example above, it depicts the circumstances that could get somebody to try polyamory perfectly.

Finding New Energy in a Relationship

Sometimes, you're happy with what you’ve got in your relationship, but you still feel that a breath of fresh air would do you both good. Some people try to find this new energy by deciding to go poly.

It’s important to note here that not every couple decides to go full-on poly – there might be cases when it is a temporary arrangement. Nevertheless, looking for new without losing the old is one of the most common reasons to try polyamory.

Want to Try Polyamory? See Our App!

If any of these reasons apply to you, don’t limit yourself – try polyamory! Remember that, if you are in a relationship, this has to be consensual. Your partner does not have to try polyamory themself, but they need to be happy with you doing so.

When you’re all clear, just sign up for our poly dating app. You’ll find thousands of like-minded people there, with whom you can explore polyamory in and out.

The Takeaway

As you can see, there are many different reasons why people choose polyamory. No matter what drives you, remember – there’s nothing to be ashamed of; you deserve to live as you wish, so don’t be afraid to experiment with polyamory!

You might also read: What to Do When Your Partner Refuses a Polyamorous Relationship?

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

What are the best beginner and advanced polygamy and polyamory resources online? We recommend podcasts like Making Polyamory Work and Non-Monogamy Help, books such as The Ethical Slut, and… our own articles. Why these particular resources? Find it out below!

The Best Polyamory and Polygamy Online Resources

So, what are the best resources regarding polyamory and polygamy? Let’s look at them based on their type.

Podcasts

There are many excellent podcasts regarding polyamory and polygamy, so it’s really difficult to choose the best ones. Nevertheless, we have some favorites – the ones below are perfect resources, no matter whether you are a beginner in this topic or already have some experience.

• Making Polyamory Work – This podcast, hosted by Libby Sinback, is a great source of knowledge that will help you build healthy, ethical poly relationships. Sinback discusses everyday poly topics, and often invites experts, providing you with the best info possible.

• Non-Monogamy Help – Hosted by Lola Phoenix, this podcast is focused on poly relationship advice. It’s one of the best resources if you don’t know how to proceed in your situation, especially since it often involves Q&A episodes.

You can find more great podcasts in our articles:

• Best polyamory podcasts

• Best polygamy podcasts

Books

What about books? Here, the case is a bit more tricky. Many books on polyamory focus on non-ethical polygamous relationships, so it’s difficult to find ones that will be truly helpful. Nevertheless, there are some options worth considering.

• The Ethical Slut – Written by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton, this book deals with ethical non-monogamy. It has a lot of tips, especially regarding the sexual aspect of polyamorous relationships.

• The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention, and Survival – This book by Kathy Labriola deals with…poly breakups. It helps with problems such as breaking up with only one of the partners in your poly network, but also with preventing them from happening, for instance, by preventing communication problems.

Online Articles

Finally, you can find many valuable resources regarding polygamy and polyamory online on professional blogs. Many articles explain the ins and outs of poly relationships, provide advice on certain challenges in poly life, and even explain the history and spiritual sides of polyamory and polygamy. Plus, you’re already reading one such article!

Our blog is one of the best online resources for poly knowledge. We’ve divided it into 4 sections to make navigating the world of polyamory easier for you. Depending on what you need, you can browse:

• General articles – Explaining the general concepts of polyamory.

• News – Articles on what’s happening in the poly world and on pop culture materials regarding polyamory.

• Informational articles – These are the best beginner polygamy resources, as they explain the principles of being poly.

• Poly tips – Articles containing practical tips on how to overcome challenges in poly relationships, how to tell your friends and family that you’re poly, and similar topics.

Community

If you’re looking for polyamory resources, you must try reaching out to the online poly community! You can do that in various ways, also on our site.

• “Blogs” section – Here, you will find posts by other members of the poly community discussing what’s on their minds.

• Polygamy app – Our app lets you find partners and like-minded people to talk to and meet among the other members of the poly community.

The Takeaway

The above are some of the best polygamy and polyamory resources available online. If you cannot find materials on a topic that interests you, don’t be afraid to ask your question in the comments!

You might also read: What Does the Bible Say about Polyamory? Verses & Examples

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

Polyamory is a philosophy – there is much more to it than just engaging with multiple romantic partners, as many people imagine it. It can take various forms; all people involved know about the others; it’s all about compersion – managing jealousy through feeling joy out of your partners’ happiness. In this article, we shall look at it in more detail, so read on if you want to find out more.

Polyamory Philosphy and Compersion

The first and one of the most important elements of this philosophy is compersion in poly relationships. In simple words, this is an approach where you feel joy whenever one of your partners is happy.

Compersion helps deal with jealousy in poly relationships, so it is of the utmost importance in the polyamory philosophy. However, we need to mention that it can be applied to more than your love life. Even in everyday situations, compersion helps you build healthier relationships with your friends and colleagues.

The Philosophy of Polyamory Regarding Relationships

Being poly means that one… engages with multiple romantic partners, and that is just it. There are no strict boundaries regarding what a poly network should look like – poly people embrace what works best for them.

Naturally, there are certain, more common types of polyamorous relationships. But in practice, you can find anything from a triad or a quad to a kitchen-table polyamory (centered around the family) to even mono-poly relationships where only one person is poly.

Being Open: The Cornerstone of Polyamory Philosophy

Polyamory is more than sexual relationships, and being open and true to yourself is one of the principles of its philosophy. This is why, in many cases, larger poly relationship networks form families, giving children more love and care. But let’s first delve into the basic principle here.

What distinguishes polyamory from cheating is that all the parties involved know what about the others. Being poly means being honest about your feelings and being ethical – unlike what many pop culture works try to present. The whole philosophy revolves around consent – all the parties agree to this kind (and its particular type) of relationship.

The Role of Poly Community in Its Philosophy

No matter what you do in your life, you can find a community of like-minded people. These are often a nice addition, people to whom you can express your thoughts and with whom you can make new friendships, but they are not an integral part of what you do. This is different in polyamory philosophy.

Community is vital for polyamorous people, as it provides them with support throughout the unique challenges of poly relationships. It’s a way to meet new potential partners, broaden one’s mind, and even learn more about the principles and history of polyamory. Thus, being in the community and embracing your presence is one of the key elements of poly philosophy.

This is also why we encourage you to meet other like-minded poly people here, on Sisterwives. Our poly dating app lets you find romantic partners, while our “blogs” section gives you the opportunity to chat about your own poly experiences. Being poly means building your own poly network, grooming your inner growth, and intermingling with other people who follow the poly philosophy, and you can do all of this here.

The Takeaway

Polyamory philosophy isn’t focused purely on the relationships. It tackles jealousy, being open, and being a part of the community. Many of its principles should be applied by other people as well since following them makes our lives better, more fulfilling, and often easier.

You might also read: Polyamory Families: Definition, Dynamics and Challenges

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

What are the best podcasts about polygamy? In our opinion: National Polygamy Advocate, Polygamy: What Love Is This and Year of Polygamy. Why did we choose these three? Read on to find it out!

The Three Best Polygamy Podcasts

Like in the case of polyamory podcasts, some podcasts about polygamy tackle everyday poly life, others discuss its history, and some even adopt multiple points of view. The ones below are what we believe to be the best, most interesting podcasts that you can find on the topic of polygamy. Let’s briefly introduce each one of them.

National Polygamy Advocate

National Polygamy Advocate is a weekly podcast hosted by Mark Henkel. It has been running for seven years, making it a valuable source of information regarding polygamy.

As the name suggests, the National Polygamy Advocate focuses mostly on the legal aspects of polygamy, for instance, by discussing different court rulings. However, it’s not limited purely to that. Mark Henkel often tackles more down-to-earth topics and discusses terms related to polygamy and polyamory, which makes it great for anyone.

The only downside of this podcast is that…you’ll need to spend days listening through the old episodes to catch up with everything. But, if you have the time or simply want to skip to the current episodes, we highly recommend it.

Polygamy: What Love Is This

Hosted by Doris Hanson, who herself was brought up in a polygamy clan, this podcast tackles the more spiritual side of polygamy from the biblical point of view. In the episodes, you will learn about the history of polygamy, but also the current events and find many captivating interviews.

What this podcast deserves praise for is that it shows both the light and the dark side of polygamy. It actively tackles the issues of abuse in fundamentalist polygamy while also addressing the image of polygamy in books, TV series, and other pop culture materials.

This might not be the perfect source of knowledge if you want to learn about polygamy in and out, but it gives you the perspective of those who lived in abusive polygamy, letting you understand them better and comprehend their reasons for being against this way of life.

Year of Polygamy

If you really want to come out as a polygamist to your friends and you really want to understand their perspective, or you simply want to compare your and non-poly people’s points of view, this is a podcast for you.

Here, you will see the perspective of three different personas: a practicing polygamist, an ex-polygamist, and an anti-polygamist. It’s a true journey of discovery that lets you build empathy and truly understand the people you love and their perspective when you tell them that you’re poly. It’s also eye-opening in general.

Apart from this three-dimensional POV, this podcast still offers a lot of information on the history and spirituality of traditional polygamy. Thus, we believe that you should explore it as did we.

Meet Other Poly People and Exchange Stories

While polygamy podcasts are undoubtedly great sources of information, the best ones are other people. This is why we encourage you to reach out and build your local poly community. You can do that with our poly dating app, where you will find thousands of people who understand you, each with their own unique story.

The Takeaway

These are the three best podcasts about polygamy – in our opinion. If you don’t agree or have other great podcasts to recommend, don’t be afraid to leave a comment – other members of the poly community will surely appreciate your effort!

You might also read: How to Deal with Jealousy in Polygamy?

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

What is compersion in a poly relationship? This term refers to the feeling of joy when your partner has a good time with another person. It is the opposite of jealousy, which is important in relationships where both sides have multiple partners. In this article, we look at comparison in a bit more detail. We invite you to read on.

What Is Compersion in a Poly Relationship?

In basic terms, compersion in polyamory could be described as the opposite of jealousy, though it is not a 1:1 antonym. This is the feeling of happiness for your partner when they engage in romantic or sexual interactions with another person.

Why is compersion important in a poly relationship, whether it is polyamory or polygamy? Feeling jealous is natural in many situations in our lives, including romantic life. But, considering what polyamory is, it would be extremely difficult to cope with envy in such relationships. Compersion is what helps polyamorous people replace jealousy, making them more joyful about their partner’s lives and, hence, more satisfied with their own. Simply said, it’s a joy that is unrelated to your own joy.

How to Practice Compersion in a Polyamorous Relationship?

Practicing compersion helps become happier in different types of polyamorous relationships. Thus, it’s good to practice it and learn to enjoy your partner(s)’s romantic adventures. But how to do it? We’ve got a few tips for you!

• Understand your emotions – You need to know what you feel when your partner engages with other people. Realizing your feelings and their causes will help you become more compassionate.

• Work on your empathy – Some people are more empathetic than others, and that’s natural. But it doesn’t mean that it’s impossible to develop this skill. If you really want to embrace compersion in your polyamorous relationship, you have to try to understand what your partner feels and resonate with their emotions.

• Reason through the emotions – Knowing how you feel and what emotions accompany your partner, you can apply logic to explain why you should be happy about your partner’s joy rather than experiencing jealousy.

• Support each other – As we mentioned before, jealousy is natural, and you won’t avoid feeling it. To embrace compersion in a polyamory, you and your partner(s) need to support and help each other go through jealousy together.

Compersion Is for More Than Just Poly Relationships

While we discuss compersion in polyamorous relationships, you can embrace it in any other aspect of your life. Did your friend just get a promotion? Do you feel happy about it? If yes, this is a perfect example of compersion in non-romantic situations. Therefore, it’s good to practice it even outside of your poly network.

Does Compersion Mean That I Won’t Feel Jealous?

No. While compersion lets you live a happier life, enjoying the successes and adventures of your partners and friends, it won’t help you avoid jealousy or envy. Why? Because they are natural feelings!

However, you can embrace compersion to deal with jealousy in polyamorous relationships. So, while it won’t make you avoid the unpleasant feelings, it will help you cope with them more quickly and effectively.

The Takeaway

Knowing what compersion is in a polyamorous relationship, you’re ready to start practicing it. This way, you’ll make your romantic life much more delightful and get rid of the negative impact of jealousy in your life. “Don’t be defeated by evil, but defeat evil with good.” – Romans 12:21.

Be sure to check out our poly dating site and join in the polyamorous community!

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

How to come out as polyamorous to your parents and partner? You should start by selecting a cozy place and the right time for it. When you finally meet, begin by explaining what polyamory means to you. Listen to what others have to say, but remember – you should feel comfortable with your feelings, and your closest ones should at least try to show you understanding. Do you want to learn more? Then read on!

How to Come Out as Polyamorous to Your Parents?

Let’s start by discussing how to come out as polyamorous to your family. How should you approach this conversation?

• Choose a proper time and place – You need to feel comfortable and private to have this conversation. Our idea here is to invite your parents for a cozy dinner at your house.

• Start with explaining polyamory – Tell your parents what polyamory is in general, and explain how you perceive it. Our tip here: prepare some sources to quote.

• Address the misconceptions – Probably, your parents have a completely distorted image of polyamory, so encourage them to ask questions and dispel the myths.

• Respect their feelings, but stay true to yours – You need to realize that this might be a shock to your parents and have empathy towards them. At the same time, remember that your feelings matter and shouldn’t get hurt during the conversation. Remember – some questions might seem offensive or ignorant to you, but it doesn’t mean that your parents mean to hurt you.

• Give your parents time – They will need to process your coming-out, so give them the time they need. At the same time, tell them that this isn’t just one conversation – it’s a constant dialogue, as you won’t become monogamous overnight.

How to Come Out as Polyamorous to Your Partner?

While with parents, it’s easier (not to say easy – it’s still often emotionally exhausting), this gets more tricky when it comes to your girlfriend or boyfriend. After all, they might feel much more hurt. So, how to come out as polyamorous to your partner?

• Get the timing right – Like with parents, you need to pick a comfy time and place.

• Explain how you value your partner – Initially, your partner might believe that you want to become polyamorous because they are not enough, so make sure to show them how you value them and that they are an important part of your life.

• Tell your partner why you are polyamorous – This way, you can explain your feelings and show what polyamory means to you, addressing misconceptions but also proving the importance of your partner.

• Say how you imagine a polyamorous relationship with your partner – Be honest and tell them what you would like your relationship to look like in the future.

You can get more tips in our article on how to talk to your partner about polyamory.

Our Extra Tips for Your Poly Coming Out

You know how to come out as polyamorous, but we still have a few tips that might help you with this.

• You don’t have to come up if you don’t want to – don’t feel obligated to do it if you feel uncomfortable.

• Start with your closest ones – Begin by telling your family (and partner), then the closest friends. Only later should you come out to your distant relatives or friends, and only if you feel comfortable with it.

• Prepare resources to quote and use – This will help you answer questions and justify your answers.

The Takeaway

Telling your family and partner that you are poly might be stressful. But, now you know how to come out as polyamorous in a diplomatic way, so you don’t have to worry so much. Follow our tips and check out our “Blogs” section – you might find there coming out stories from other poly people in our community!

And if you’re looking for an opportunity to meet romantic partners or meet other people in the community, check out our poly dating app.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

Published By: Sister Wives 
Matchmakers Inc