Chris's article

Hello Everyone!!!

As most of you are all aware of by now, TLC will be airing Seeking Sister Wife and Sister Wives the TV Show Jan 20th 2019 and this normally brings a lot of new signups on Sister Wives Dating.

If you are seeking a Sister Wife or Family, now is the time, however we would like to share some Friendly Poly Dating Advice with you all.

With all this publicity around Polygamy can also come some trouble... Cough Cough - Catfish and Time Wasters.

The Biggest issue we see this time of year are Catfish - Bored people watching TV, sitting at home in love with the idea of polygamy or poly but too chicken shit to act on it, and too narcissistic to care about hurting a real persons feelings. This Goes deep and is very hard to prevent, but we have a few Tips for you all.

Tips to Stop a catfish before you get a bo bo:

#1 Video Chat ASAP - If you cannot get the person you are pursuing to video chat with you within a day or two, NEXT...

#2 Social Media, if you cannot find the person you are pursuing on FB or other social media, He/She is probably Fake, Don’t waste your Time.

#3 Weird phone habits, Example - in the middle of a conversation - Click or I’ll call you right back, CLICK. Hell to the Naw Naw - NEXT. (Note: I would probably let it fly 1 time Max)

#4 Red Flags - Use common sense, red flags exist for a reason, DO Not Ignore them.

#5 Long Drawn out times to meet in person. As Match Makers we can honestly say that if a potential match is not willing to meet in person after 2 weeks to a month, you will most likely never meet in person and your entire relationship may not be real - Phone Based. If you click with a potential match on the phone, then talk for a week and try to meet face to face ASAP.

#6 never send money to anyone for anything ever. If you reimburse the potential match in person for travel expenses, that is OK.

#7 if you need any advice or research to be done on your behalf, please feel free to contact us. It's Free!

These are just a few important tips, we could not possibly put everything in one small article.

Please remember to practice common sense, always be honest and never be afraid to be yourself and ask questions.

Good Luck!!!

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc - Sisterwives.com

FINDING POLY LIFE AND POLY LOVE

The prospect of finding multiple romantic partners for a long term relationship can seem daunting. Knowing some people will shudder at the thought of polygamy and/or polyamory creates a natural sense of reluctance to always be as open and honest about your lifestyle as you need to be. In time you will build confidence. Looking for a sister wife or to get involved in a relationship with multiple partners won’t feel so odd to mention. People reacting negatively to your desires will eventually have little effect on you aside from a brief sigh. Until you’ve reached that level of confidence having a few safe places to be yourself and find friends and dates will be a life saver. Active participation in the polyamorous or polygamy community will also help build confidence in the community overall. 

Polyamorous Meetups  are an excellent option. Groups already exist or you can create a Meetup that is more in tune with your preferences. Read Meetups descriptions carefully as there are groups with very specific standards and desires. Polygamy specifically is not a term accepted by some polyamorous people. If you are seeking a sister wife you will not find her at a swingers event (most likely). If you’re seeking a second husband you will not find him at a polygamy event so easily as a polygyny gathering. Brush up on your terminology and know exactly what you want to find. This helps ensure you find the correct Meetup or help create one with clear details of the desired crowd for the event. 

Polyamory Events are popping up all over the world and their sheer size makes them an excellent option to find your soulmates in an offline environment. The prospect of finding people from your area to build a local poly community or set up smaller local activities is another bonus to major events. Being broad and less specific due to the large number of people involved allows you to explore different facets of the polyamory world and to share your world with others. You may realize there are possibilities you hadn’t considered before. Your ideas might spark an unknown passion in someone else. Keeping an open mind and sharing the joy of polyamory only leads to better outcomes for everyone involved.  

Online poly communities and dating sites remain the most accessible resource for poly dating. It’s easier to avoid meeting the wrong groups or people as well. If you are a polygamist and want a very traditional sister wife to join your family you can be very specific about that and find women looking for a polygamist family to join. If you are a polyamorous single person or family looking for dates or more lovers you can find them with relative ease this way. Being specific and targeting your audience is far easier online than most real life circumstances. The added benefit of building and maintaining an online community is having a supportive place to turn for continued friendships, fun, and advice. 

Watch out for fake accounts and scammers, as with any online dating, and use dating sites that are committed to your privacy and protection like Sister Wives. With only a little effort you can be chatting with possible soul mates and building new friendships in no time. Be honest, active, and straightforward and your ideal poly matches will find you.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc - Sisterwives.com

So the decision has been made and becoming a sister wife is the way you’ve decided you’ll find love and fulfillment. It is a whole new world to you and a completely different way of dating. It can seem too difficult at times and giving up will be on your mind occasionally. Getting over the hurdles you’ll face is not impossible and dealing with a society that frowns upon your desires is nothing new. Hang in there and consider a few of these realities to be prepared. 

First off, if you are living the way that makes you truly happy and are harming nobody, including yourself, you have to develop a thick skin against the judgments of the world around you. All of the ‘poison’ people try to give you stems from their own shortcomings and desperate lack of joy. You are the happy one and can only hope you’ll affect toxic people in a positive way. It is not your responsibility to explain yourself or to appease them. Let it go and stay focused on your joy. 

Don’t be fooled into thinking dating will be easier in the polyamorous or polygamous world. There are many differing ideas about what a polygamous relationship means and finding sister wives that share your ideals can be tricky. It’s important to be completely straightforward and honest when seeking a poly relationship. 

Some polygamist families are very traditional with one male leading his sister wives as the head of the family. Sexual contact will be only with the husband, or the male head of the family, and there will be no group sexual activity. Women in a very traditional polygamy situation can expect to fulfill traditional ‘wife duties’ with the purpose of raising children and supporting your husband and family. A strong religious affiliation is often involved as well. The traditional polygamist family is also one of the most heavily scrutinized and often results in the need to move into communities that share your values. 

Polyamorous relationships have become more popular recently and while you can be a sister wife and have one male in the relationship it no longer means the family must follow traditional or religious marriage ideals. Modern poly families can involve lesbian, straight, or bisexual females. The guy could be gay, straight, or bisexual as well but the focus here is on becoming a sister wife. The modern take on polygamy is wide open for interpretation by individual families and requires everyone involved to be well in touch with their sexuality and relationship goals. 

Once you’ve done some soul searching to figure out what you’re looking for you’ll be ready to put yourself out there and connect with the right people. You’ll face the same struggles as traditional dating and the prospect of losing more than one lover in a breakup means heartache along the way can be worse until you find ‘the ones’. A new sister wife entering an existing relationship can be very difficult so you’ve got to be mentally prepared for the struggle. Starting a new plural relationship is also not easy. Being confident and honest is vital to success on your journey. Meeting a family seeking a sister wife with completely different views on sex and lifestyle will be a waste of time and energy for everyone involved. Be clear up front with your expectations. 

A supportive community is helpful to ensure you’re meeting the right people and are able to discuss your experiences and expectations freely. There are online communities for poly or polygamy dating and discussion. Take advantage of them. Becoming a sister wife should be an empowering experience and sharing the experience with new sister wives is a beautiful thing. Don’t be afraid to speak candidly and bring up difficult topics. The more you expose your true self the more likely you are to find the right matches. Love yourself first and your possibilities are endless.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc - Sisterwives.com

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc - Sisterwives.com

Polyamorous lifestyles are all the buzz in recent years and their prevalence is reshaping the way society views intimate relationships. The freedom to enjoy multiple partners is a promising shift that can lead to living happier and more fulfilling lives. There is some suspicion that nothing is really changing at all. Society is just being more honest and accepting with each other. However, there remain a large number of people that are concerned about the implications of what they see as a society lacking real commitments. There is a moral dilemma to consider here.

 
Morality is defined as the ‘principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior.’ For centuries, marriage between two people has represented the unification and basis society needed to maintain a healthy and productive life. A 50 year wedding anniversary still symbolizes a beautiful life lived morally. These things are ultimately good for society so saying a monogamous marriage is a morally sound existence is not inaccurate, but there is another side to this story. 

Historically, monogamous marriage has often been forced onto people, used to control people, used to entrap, take advantage, extort, and the list goes on. Marriage is not always the pretty picture we like to imagine when you peel a bit of the paint from the surface. For many, monogamy will always be the best choice but it is not necessarily a moral choice. Simply a personal preference. There are other options that allow one to lead an honest, moral, and productive life that benefits society.

It is not immoral to choose a lifestyle that will allow you to be happy and content. Trying to live in monogamy when it’s not best for you will lead to temptations and possibly actions that will bury you in fear and regret and may lead to hurting people you love. Living with secrets and dishonesty is bad for society and for your mental health. Sharing your passion and intimacy with as many as you like while ensuring everyone involved is aware of the situation and under no duress to continue is a morally sound decision. 

The moral dilemma being attached to the rise of polyamory turns out to be quite false. It seems some people that disagree with polyamory can’t agree to disagree and prefer to demoralize people. That, my friend, is immoral behavior. Polyamory and monogamy could both tread into immoral territory if someone is not living honestly. Individuals living the life they truly enjoy will make better decisions and have more positive impacts on the world around them. In a nutshell, living morally is only based on individual behavior within whatever relationships are chosen.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc - sisterwives.com

POLY RELATIONSHIP VACATION IDEAS

Traditional hotel bars and cruise ships can be great places for couples to meet couples or a person to date but once you have a polyamorous relationship those places can be difficult to enjoy as a throuple or more. People not involved in the poly lifestyle can get confused and you’ll have to constantly explain your relationship to folks that may not think so kindly about you. The world is your oyster, of course, but sometimes you want to simply relax and enjoy the loves of your life. Here are a few ideas to escape the daily grind and the iffy situations traditional things can bring about. 

A cabin in the woods is the perfect getaway. You can cuddle up with as many lovers every night as you please knowing that every morning will start another day of total immersion with them. No hotel workers looking at you oddly as you walk by them or strange attitude from any ladies at the hotel bar last night. A cabin can be your safe place and you can plan outside adventures such as hikes, rafting, or bird watching with little or no involvement with the outside world (other than nature, of course).  

Rent a boat! Organize your own self-guided cruise rather than risk being stuck for days with people you may not want to be around. Pack all of the food and supplies you need for the number of days you will be at sea and plan fun ports of call along the way. Hire a friendly captain or if you’re so inclined train to lead the boat yourself. Fun and sun for days with your loves and with no interference will provide the perfect escape. 

Find a great Airbnb in a major busy city. This one sounds self defeating but if you treat all the people running around like background characters you can rest assured they will not be offended. The Airbnb is your home base for the vacation and you plan outings to see shows or go to events. If the views from your place are great you may not even want to go anywhere else. 

There are endless possibilities for wonderful vacations especially when the highlight is spending time with the ones you love. If you’re in an open poly relationship you may enjoy resorts or organizations that cater to the poly lifestyle. Do research and know your audience before any of them. Most of all simply enjoy your relationships. Many people never seem to find the one they love and you’ve found the many. It’s a beautiful world to explore.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc - sisterwives.com

Inquiring minds would like to know...

Being in an open relationship is totally the same thing as being polyamorous, right? (Asking for a friend...)
Actually, while the two share some similar characteristics, they’re very different. “An open relationship is one where one or both partners have a desire for sexual relationships outside of each other, and polyamory is about having intimate, loving relationships with multiple people,” says Renee Divine, L.M.F.T., a sex and relationships therapist in Minneapolis, MN.
Both open and poly relationships are forms of consensual non-monogamy, and technically, polyamory can be a type of open relationship, but expectations tend to be different when it comes to these relationship styles.

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR MORE LOVE OR MORE SEX?

Open relationships typically start with one partner or both partners wanting to be able to seek outside sexual relationships and satisfaction, while still having sex with and sharing an emotional connection with their partner.
“People are looking for different experiences and want to meet the needs that aren’t being met in the relationship,” says Divine. But there’s never an intention for feelings to get involved.

In polyamory, the whole point is to fall in love with multiple people, and there’s not necessarily any relationship hierarchy, says Divine. For example, someone could be solo poly (meaning they want and seek poly relationships whether or not they’re dating anyone), and they may enter into two separate relationships at the same time and view each as equal.
In their nature, poly relationships are open, since they involve more than two people. But not all poly groups are looking to add more people to the dynamic, and aren’t always actively dating. This is called closed poly, meaning the group includes multiple relationships, but there’s an expectation that no one involved is expanding the group.

WHAT KIND OF BOUNDARIES DO YOU WANT TO SET?

In open relationships, couples may talk with their primary partner about their outside relationships, or they might decide together that it’s best to keep those exploits to themselves, says Divine. They may have sexual encounters together, in the instance of swinging, or they may go out with other people on their own.

In polyamory, there tends to be more sharing between partners about other relationships as there are emotions involved. A poly group might consider themselves “kitchen-table poly,” which means the whole group could hang out together comfortably. Two poly people might also date the same person, or have a triad-style relationship, and that typically doesn’t happen in open relationships, says Divine.

SHOULD YOU GO FOR IT?

If monogamy feels a bit restrictive to you, and you crave flexibility, open relationships or polyamory could be a good option. Which path you follow depends on what you want out of the additional relationships.
“Open relationships tend to be more focused on having sex outside a main relationship, but keeping that primary, dyadic relationship as the first priority,” says Divine. “I have run into couples where one wants a poly relationship and one wants an open relationship, but that person was not comfortable with their partner having an emotional connection with anyone but them.”
People might go into this because they’ve developed different needs over a long-term relationship, or because their looking to add excitement and interest to their lives. “But it revolves around a two-way love,” says Divine.

People who want to be poly, “believe you can love multiple people,” says Divine. “They’re open to additional people in that way, and they want that emotional attachment. Plural love is the main focus.”
In either case, expectations need to be clear with any partners who are making a change with you. “In some couples, one wants to try something new, and the other is okay with that, without participating themselves,” says Divine. “The key is communication. These relationships styles are all about being upfront and honest about what you want and what your needs and boundaries are. The most successful ones are those where people are on the same page.”
SOURCE: womenshealthmag.com

The following advice is aimed at adults who have been dating for a good decade already. In my opinion, you should do whatever you want with dating in your twenties, within the bounds of treating people with feelings like you would want yourself to be treated, of course.

The proverb ‘All’s fair in love and war’ is never literally true, but is whimsically true when you’re dating in high school and becomes less true the older you get and the more you should expect of yourself and others. When you are young, too much about your core self is malleable, and that’s how it should be. Other than those occasional high school sweethearts who got lucky and have been together ever since, dating in your twenties should be viewed as an experiment to find out what you want out of a partner, and what you are prepared to offer yourself.

However, at a certain point you need to get your romantic shit together. In a sense, every romantic relationship you will ever have goes through a “high school” stage in the beginning, during which you’re just getting to know each other and it’s OK to find some unforgivable deal-breaker, and break up with caring, but without much else owed to the other person.

This ends after a couple of months. The longer things go on, the more you will “owe” the other person. If you’ve just ghosted someone you’ve been seeing regularly for six months, unless you did it because you fear for your personal safety or something, you’re not a kind person.

"Being poly was a wonderful thing, and taught me a great deal."

I was poly for about four years, and have been in a monogamous relationship for over two years. Being poly was a wonderful thing, and taught me a great deal about what I wanted and what I didn’t. It started after being burned out on a decade of serial monogamy.

Being poly taught me that all those years, I was essentially monogamous for the wrong reasons. Because polyamory is less accepted by society, friends, and family, people tend to enter into relationships with whoever they went on a few dates with merely because they’d like to continue seeing them. This is not enough of a reason.

Actively learning what I wanted out of a relationship taught me how to be monogamous for the right reasons. When I was poly, I used to joke that “it takes three or four men to make one good boyfriend these days” and I was right. I knew I was ready to give it up when I found someone who felt like three or four men put together. He was enough, and then some. But I’m not talking about heightened passion or otherworldly attraction. I’m talking about the more rational process of someone possessing 90 per cent of the traits I had always wanted in one person, and didn’t really think I’d ever find.

I’m writing this today because over the past few months several of my friends have gone through painful breakups. They had been together anywhere between six months and five years, yet all of them had lovers who said to them some dreaded version of “I love you, but I am not in love with you any more”, “there’s no spark any more”, etc.

Here’s the thing: ADULTS know that the in-love part fades, then ebbs and flows with work, attention, and active caring over the years. It may take months to fade, or it may take years. But it is the obvious eventual side effect of the very familiarity you seek. True monogamists are not afraid of the lack of spark or butterflies; that wonderful but ultimately transient and even shallow feeling of being in a state of love.

I say 'shallow' because everyone eventually has had that feeling — and strongly — for a person they know they have no business dating. Chemistry doesn’t give a fuck if you’re deeply attracted to a Republican who would make you incredibly miserable. Once you’ve had an experience like that, you don’t put a lot of stock in what your blood thinks is a good idea.

True monogamists are there for the benefit of adding a partner; a family member to your day-to-day life that a sister or a mum or a pet can’t possibly provide. That goal is ultimately antithetical to romance by nature; a fact that successful monogamists use as a starting point; they do not hide from it, nor do they leave it alone and hope it will spark itself from time to time without any work.

"True monogamists are there for the benefit of adding a partner."

People who are dumped because the other person “just wasn’t feeling it” after a couple years have a right to be angry, and a right to feel betrayed. If you are that person, who has ended a long-term relationship over not feeling the magic, then you owe it to yourself and others to become a polyamorist.

You’re either a spark-chaser, or a long-burner. There is no in-between. If you are trying to be a monogamist, yet insist on expressing that desire to “be in love” through serial monogamy, then you are not being honest with yourself or your needs, and are disrespecting the needs of people you care for.

Polyamorists have the EQ to know that being a spark-chaser is nothing to be ashamed of; that it’s natural for human beings to desire others throughout their lifetime. They’re right, and they have the courage to admit they want that. Monogamists understand the same thing, they’ve just made a conscious decision to overpower it for the sake of something they have built with another.

Yet for some crazy reason, it’s still seen as more moral to be a guy who has a new girlfriend every few years, than to be the open, honest, Ethical Slut. Our culture is dead wrong about this. If you are 30 or over and always looking for the person who will satisfy every need while making you feel like you are in love, you need to stop being in relationships. Period. Relationships quite simply don’t provide that.

There is also no evolutionary purpose to the in love feeling lasting longer than it takes to produce offspring. Sorry, but nature is far from romantic. Nature doesn’t give a fuck about making you feel endless butterflies for the same person over decades.

Madison Missina opens up about what it was like being polyamorous on The Prude and the Pornstar podcast. (Post continues after audio.)

Monogamists have the EQ to know that the “spark” is replaced by other things that are more valuable to them; a sense of family with the other person, a deep sense of belonging, a partner who is there for you when you get sick. This is why polyamorists often have a dedicated “primary” who serves that role, while their other lovers serve as adventure, romance, and variety.

That doesn’t mean that monogamists shouldn’t stay on their toes in a relationship and try, whenever possible, to spark things up. They should, and they do. They are comfortable doing so because they are rooted in where the relationship is and have the emotional depth to roll with the tide, to endure the plateaus, and to always seek the best in the other person.

If your idea of looking for The One is going from relationship to relationship, you are denying who you are, hurting others, and wasting people’s time. Are you interested in always being in and out of love? Admit that poly is best for you. If you want a family, companionship, and history with the other person, and most importantly — accept the effort and antiglamour that comes with it — you should be in a relationship and should not try to make things work with those who don’t see the same way.

Certainly, there are other reasons to end a relationship that are perfectly valid. But if you’re ending it because you’re not feeling it anymore, you never felt the desire for monogamy as it actually exists in the first place. Figure out who you are, what you want, and be that. The only people who can have both are those few who are very, very good at polyamory.

SOURCE: mamamia.com.au

Since childhood, I’ve known that African-Americans are as eclectic as we wanna be. We are literally assorted chocolates and you never know what you’re going to get when you open the box. But when did Black polygamy become a “the thing” for some of us? And when I say some of us, I’m asking about African-American women in particular.

Last year, I had no clue that it was a “thing” — outside of some Muslims engaging in the practice — until a guy I met at a business lunch sent me a link to check out the lifestyle. First of all, let me say that there was no warning or disclaimer that came with the link he sent. It was just a link sent to my email address from his. We met through a mutual client so I assumed he was sending something that I could actually use in my work life, like a better scheduling app or a code for Uber discounts—something! But it wasn’t. Just a link that lead to me asking who, what, when, why?

Some other ladies from the business lunch told me that they received the link as well and that they were outraged! One older lady in her late 40s felt particularly disrespected, saying how dare he think she’d be remotely interested in that sort of lifestyle. I kind of felt where she was coming from but I later had to side eye her because prior to the invitation  to join”Poly Phi Poly,” she tried to tell me ol’ boy was a great catch for someone like me. Not! Luckily for me, I never follow up on dating leads that are thrown in my lap. But I did at least think dude was cool and ultra professional when I met him at the lunch, which is why my reaction to the link wasn’t oh no this negro didn’t but more like, what in the Iceberg Slim hell? And so, my inquisitive self clicked on the link.

What I found was a group for brothers and sisters who are actually living polygamous lifestyles or trying to find folks to join them so they start building their polygamous families. But what really made my small eyes pop out the sockets like a cartoon character was the influx of African-American women who were down for the cause to share one man with several women. Now, what I gathered from reading people’s posts on the site is the biggest reason why Black people should get with the polygamy program is to build families that are economically untouchable… Okay, so what’s up with all the well-to-do women on the site who were RNs, college grads, and business owners? I would think that since they’re already bringing home the bacon that they’d be cool with one faithful man who could match or exceed what they currently make on the job. A beautiful Black couple who loves God, each other, and can afford to splurge on the finer things sounds legit to me! But the more I scrolled through the site,  I saw women hardcore using their best sales pitch to get someone to move them into their homes as a sister wife. Some were even offering couples to come live with them!

I don’t think cooperative economics had a rat’s butt to do with anything for these women. It seemed to me that these ladies were opting for this lifestyle because it’s easier to let a dog roam than to expect him to behave. They would rather come into a situation knowing that their man has multiple women who all know that they are just one of multiple women. That way, they don’t have to face any surprise heartache as a result of being cheated on. That’s my belief and I’m sticking to it. Now, I will say that some other interesting points were made in defense of Black polygamy, such as one sister-wife homeschooling all the children in the unit because Black kids should be taught by people who look like them. That’s an awesome principle that I’m all for. But uh… there’s plenty of schools, both private and public, that have already done this. And if I want to homeschool my baby I can simply find a Black teacher who home schools. I don’t need to move my husband’s flavor of the month in to help me do that or anything else.

What’s polygamy really about in your opinion?

Source: madamenoire.com

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