New to this from latonyal's blog

I just found this site today after trying others. Please don't anyone judgeme. Like I said I'm very new to this and still learning. On another site I did begin to talk to another couple. I started having feelings for the husband. Then I had a wake up call. It was not the marriage for me and I almost came close to packing up my bags and moving out of state to be with them. The reason I said it was not for me because that marriage was not about me being equal to the husband and first wife. Joining there family would have required me to change myself completely to fit what they desired and for me to be miserable because basically I had to fake it to be with them. It seemed like with the husband it was more about sex. I was considered selfish and unsubmissive if I didn't perform sexually the way he wanted. The wife....i was required to stay home, clean, cook and tend to their children while they worked. That's not what I had planned for myself, even in a monogamous relationship. I wss considered selfish and unsubmissive for not wanting to. Also I had to change my eating, my physical appearance, etc to suit him. I was not allowed to go anywhere outside the house without a family member. The excuse was that wanting to do things on my own was saying I didn't want to be with family. I felt like that was an excuse for just keeping me under watchful eyes. I mean every marriage is different. Some might be willing. I woke up and realise I felt like it was controlling, they was selfish, I was going to be a sex slave, maid and nanny. I was just a grown child. I had no say so, no compromising so I could be happy, nothing about that relationship included me in it. I might be wrong for feeling that way but I experienced other couples only about sex and wanting me to be bisexual. So can someone teach me the true marriage of Poly and set my mind at ease that this is the right thing for me. That all couples are not like that.