michaelk's blog

Dear Friends, If you are interested in poly, you might wonder how everything actually works out. There is a lot of theory out there and many people have opinions, but what is it really like to live it day by day? 

The truth is, most of the time poly families are pretty much like extended or blended families you might find through divorces, except the people get along and love each other.  Multiple women share the house work (if you are in one home) and birth parents have the primary responsibility to care for and discipline children. Moreover, some stay home and some work out.  Usually the man is the main bread winner with some or all of the girls holding down full or part time jobs. 

The main things that comes into play that are different are sleeping arrangements - it works best if each woman has a set day.  What goes on during the mornings is open for whomever wants, but having a set time does bring some order and gives the woman a sense of security. 

If everyone gets along, date nights or vacations can be done together.  However, often times the wives desire some alone time with their husband while the other girls hold down the fort. All in all, a lot of "living poly" boils down to common sense and a desire for everyone to work together for the common good. 

One thing that a man needs to do is be as fair as possible so that each woman has the perception that she is being considered and cared for.  Sometimes this does not work out, but most women understand that if a man is making an good faith effort, perfection in that area isn't required. 

In the end, promoting a sense of family and "we're all in this together" is essential.  If everyone is on board, most of the details will work themselves out. In our family, since we are spiritual filled, christian believers, we try to practice God's Love towards each other.  It is His love from above that is part of the Tabernacle Experience.  This way, it is not just us doing the loving, but God loving each other through us. 

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael

Dear Friends, I personally believe there is great value in being authentic. First of all, when you are authentic, it helps people know how to interact with you. You are not vague or misleading, so it saves a lot of time that may otherwise be lost by people not understanding where you are truly coming from. 

It demonstrates credibility and honesty to those whom you speak with.  A real conversation with a person who is being authentic, has a certain "ring" to it.  Therefore, from the outset, trust begins to be established which forms the basis of any meaningful dialogue. 

It demonstrates that you are serious about meeting someone.  When you are authentic and open, it lets people know that you don't have hidden agendas, but rather are up front about who you are and what you are looking for in a relationship.

Authenticity, tends to discourage those who are not authentic themselves, thus saving both parties a lot of time. 

A poly relationship must be based upon authenticity so that those who are participating can know what is really going on.  In my experience, the poly scene is rife with people who really are not sure what they are looking for and thus don't have a clear idea of how to communicate what they want.  It would be better to know what you really want and then be honest about it with others.

Being authentic also gives you confidence to talk with others in a sincere and open way.  You are, for instance, able to share about your life and your goals with others without having craft some answer you think they might like to hear.  I really lowers the threshold of anxiety a lot. 

I encourage all to open up and share honestly with one another.  There is little down side to doing that.  After all, friendship takes time and their is plenty of opportunity to get to know if others are the one or ones you are compatible with along the way.

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael

Dear Friends, To begin with, I am not judging those who are strictly or primarily interested in finding a sexual partner. That is your business and I think everyone understands that. Moreover, people have a lot of different types of lifestyles and beliefs and it is agreed that it is best to recognize that everyone should have the right to live as they wish. 

What I am going to discuss today is the question: when is the right time to talk about sex? The answer to that is often times not so simple. Being as I am not into swinging I am going to examine this question from the standpoint of someone who is really looking for a permanent life partner. 

To begin with, when I look over a profile one of the things that puts me off is displaying sexual pictures. No matter what the woman is really like, I tend to make assumption if I see too much of body right off the bat. I like a woman's form as much as anyone else, but if a woman reveals herself right away to me (an everyone else) that sends the message that she is advertising her body for a romp in the hay and not a really, lasting relationship (so to speak).  Being as fidelity is of paramount importance to me and my family, I ask myself, "could I ever trust such a woman to be faithful? 

Furthermore, if the first thing out of my mouth (or in text) is a "come-on: full of sexual innuendo, am I worth a real relationship with the person I'm talking to?  Again, I think not. 

In my opinion (which I realize is just that), I don't think that women who are really wanting a good man, wants him to zero in on her body or sexual acts right away.  I suppose, if both parties are just interested in hooking up, that would be a different matter, but for those who are honestly looking for someone to add to they hearts and home, that is not what we're looking. 

Moreover, when people come at women, who are seriously looking to join a family, with sex talk, that may tend to sour them on the whole concept.  Perhaps it even ends up driving them away from this site and from the notion of poly altogether. 

For me, personally, I will not talk about sex with a woman until there is a relationship that warrants such a conversation.  The woman I want would not lead with sexuality either.  While we are both adults and intimacy is at the heart of any vibrant relationship, getting to know her character and spirit, is the place to start for me.  Practically any woman can be very sexy if she is really in love with the man she's with, so it is not necessary to advertise that initially because it is a given. 

Some women have learned that being sexy or, appearing to be sexy, gets them a lot of attention.  Furthermore, the promise of sex with men can lead them to advantages in all sorts of ways.  However, given the choice between getting what they want through advertising their bodies and having those things given to them freely by a man who truly loves them as a person, I think many might prefer a real relationship. 

Also, and I think this is a valid point, just wanting to use a woman (or a man) only for your pleasure degrades them as a human being. 

In conclusion, I think "sex talk" might be better reserved for the time when their is a love relationship that is appropriate for that kind of intimacy.  Getting to know a woman or a man well before sex is perhaps the safest way to know what you are getting yourself in to. 

Lastly, if hooking up is really all you want to do, are their not other places better suited for find such a situation?  Why hide what you really want behind the facade of finding a sister wife if all you want is a sexual partner with little or no commitment?

Finally, everyone can do and be what they want.  I just know for myself, I want a woman good character, a sweet heart, and a loyal disposition.  If I can find that, everything else will follow.

Big hugs and lots of love,

Dear Friends, One thing that I've noticed in living our lifestyle, is that the man needs to be a fair as possible with his women. This means, to me any way, that you know the needs of your wives and do you best to meet those needs if possible. All women are different and frankly their love language are different too. For one, it may be words of affirmation, for another, deeds of service, for another, helping them go to school, for another staying home and being a mom.  It is not a one size-fits-all proposition, but a tailored approach to meeting their individual needs. At times, this is easier said than done and no man can be perfect to everyone, every time.  However, even doing little things can mean a great deal to your woman and let them know you care. 

It takes quite a lot of commitment on the part of the women to make this type of lifestyle work too.  The girls needs to really be "all-in" and believe that this is the greatest thing since sliced bread.  In fact, in all my years of being a husband to more than one, it is the women that determine the happiness of the household.  They must have a love for one another that supersedes the small things they may disagree with. 

Lastly, in my life I have found that, when things are not working out with a wife, it is has been my tendency to let things go on too long in hopes that the situation will resolve.  If I had anything to do over again, I would have cut things off sooner, just for the sake of those who remained.  When a woman goes bad and doesn't want to be part of your family anymore, it is best to let her go.

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael

Dear Friends, It is nice to see that there are so many believers in Christ here on the site. Moreover, many people classify themselves as “Spiritual” and that signals, to me any way, that they recognize things beyond just the natural world. What I wanted to share with you today, is a revelation I had about what a “man” is. 

In Genesis 1:26 God says,

“And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.”

The part I think is very interesting is that God did not say, let Me make man in My image and likeness.  Man is made in the image of Himself and someone (s) else.  What I have come to personally believe is that we are made in the image of God and His Seraphim.

The part, though, that is relevant to those who wish to find a life partner is that to be a whole man, you need both and man and a woman. 

God says, in Genesis 1:27,

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them”

Therefore, it is necessary to have both a man and a woman in order to be made in the image of God.

Thus, beyond the biological imperative to mate, there is a spiritual component that we feel deeply.  Many describe their mate as “their better half” or “the one who completes me.”  This, in a very real sense, is absolutely true and we instinctively know this in our spirits.

Therefore, when looking for a mate or mates, we recognize and understand that we are seeking completion and not just physical satisfaction.  I have often thought that those who only look for sex in multiple mate relationships, leave more than 90% of what God created intimacy to be on the table.It is the spiritual uniting between a man and woman that is the better part of any relationship, with our souls and bodies coming into play as a supporting role.

Moreover, when we make love we realize that we are completing someone that God made very good.  We honor the other person and care for them as God would care, knowing that they are His creation.

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael

Dear Friends, The nice thing about the net is that we can meet people from all over. The difficult thing about the net is the potential for long distance relationships. In fact, unless you live near a large, metropolitan area, you are almost guaranteed to have some distance between you. Since one of my wives is from another country, I know what this is like. 

The fact is, true love conquers all, even a ocean's worth of separation.  However, there has to be something really special between you to make it work.  For us, we were drawn together by the Holy Spirit.  I remember being in the middle of Africa, where very few people spoke English, and I looked a  woman praising God during worship. My spirit felt like it wanted to jump out of me and go be with her and I heard God say, "She is to be your wife."  I knew, that I knew, that I knew, that I was supposed to be her husband.  The rest is a long story of many miracles, which I might share later, but the point I want to make today is that the type of love that will make a long distance relationship work is from above.  If there is a spiritual connection with your potential mate, it will draw you together no matter what the obstacles. All of my three mates have been like this and I feel strongly that any other mates will be powerful, spiritual partners too. 

What is not always understood, for many who are drawn to this lifestyle, it is a spiritual need within them.  Natural minded people think it is all about sex, but that is simply not true.  For a couple or a group to be open to share their love and lives with each other, many times it is God who is directing them to do so. 

Poly is a difficult family relationship for a few reasons.  For one, most of us are not brought up in that type of culture, so we have no real world examples that work.  For another thing, at least in western countries, it is not an accepted form of relationship.  Thankfully that is changing.  There are finances, sleeping arrangements, child care issues, and many other areas that need to be worked out between people with love and patience.  For us, what has gotten us through challenging times, is knowing deep in our hearts and spirits that it is God who called us to this type of life. 

I note many people on this site identify as Christians.  I recommend that you pray and seek only those mates that are spirit lead and know God deeply.  Furthermore, seek to let God connect you spiritually first, no matter what the distance, because a mate given by God that lives in another state is better than someone who is not authored by God who lives next door. 

If God is involved and authoring your union, distance is irrelevant and I know this for a fact.  The right one is worth the effort!

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael

Dear friends,

We have been living this lifestyle for over 30 years and we have found a few things to be true.  I'd like the share them with you in case they could help someone find their perfect match.

1.  If a woman is serious, she will demonstrate that very early in your relationship.  If a relationship goes more than a month or two of online, without recent pics, phone calls, and plans to see you, chances are they are not serious.

2.  If a woman has problems with this lifestyle in any meaningful way, it is not going to get better with time.  Plural marriage is stressful and they at least need to start out well.

3.  If a someone leads with sex, that is automatically suspicious.  Some people just want to hook up and that is their choice, however, if you are wanting a lasting relationship, intimacy should come into play only after their is a heart commitment that justifies it. 

4.  More mature couples are a good choice for younger women, they have figured things out in life, are stable, and often times more patient.  However,  a younger woman will need to consider that they will have to realize that a certain level of maturity is expected of them too.  If both parties are online with that, then all will be well.

5.  Listen very carefully to what people say in the first hour of meeting them.  It is uncanny, but most people will reveal who they are and what they will do within that time.  If you listen well, and do not let the possibility of a relationship blind you, then you can pretty much figure out how things are going to go from the start.  For instance, if someone says they cheated on a former lover in the first hour of conversation, they are giving you fair warning.

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael

Dear Friends,

One thing that is difficult to find on the net is transparency.  We all have experienced instances where we thought we knew someone well, only to be ghosted for no apparent reason.  Thus, all our trust levels are set on various degrees of cautious. The good thing is, that despite of the inherent challenges of meeting someone online, nevertheless, we are here!

There are all kinds of reasons people are curious about the poly lifestyle and each one of those are valid in their own way.  For us, we have been "called" to this lifestyle.  Called to us, since we are Christian believers, means that we feel God wants us to live this type of family arrangement.  It is a spiritual desire to love more than one person and create a loving family unit. 

For some time, a few months, I felt like God wanted me to become a paying member of this site, however, I semi-resisted the notion, because we already have a very nice family situation.  The more that I felt God goad me to join, the more I tried to understand why.  The short answer to that is, "just because God said so."  A somewhat longer explanation is that I believe there is someone here that we are supposed to meet.  Obviously, that would be as a potential partner for our family, but maybe not.  We are open to both. 

I said this in order to be open and honest with everyone so that we might be transparent.  One thing that I try to be is forthright with people so that there is less chance of misunderstanding or hurt feelings.  In the end, our goal is to love and be caring for others and we hope that those we meet will have a similar heart. 

The other thing I wanted to share is that we are not your typical Christian believers.  I was looking at one profile where the woman seemed one way, but in my spirit I saw her differently.  How people present themselves is not to say they are not open to know God if they really met Him. 

If you are serious about learning more about our family, we would definitely like to meet you.  Seeing if there is an opportunity for friendship is a great place to start.  Like many, we are not primary looking for intimate relationships, we just assume that intimacy is a given at some point if a spiritual connection develops.

As I said, I am not disparaging anyone for how they feel or believe, I just wanted to open up a bit and let those who may be interested know a more about where we are coming from.

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael

Dear Friends,

When we first began our journey into plural marriage, it seemed so mysterious.  Coming from a Pentecostal background, you can imagine that we never came in contact with such a life style.  Surprisingly, it was the practicalities that were the most difficult to manage. 

What I have found is that each woman needs a certain amount of space.  If at all possible, they need their own bedroom and their own bathroom.  They can share, but never seem to like doing so.  I thought at first, since they share a man, they would be willing to share everything else.  However, that is not how our experience has gone. 

For me, having everyone close is advantageous.  I've done separate houses, but that is just a lot of work and travel.  So, we've come to a compromise: I have everyone in a big enough house that they have their own spaces.  I understand that that is not always possible, but I can tell you, at least for us, it has proved to be easier to live with. 

Another thing, which seems obvious when you think of it, is that each woman should be encouraged to do what they do best.  Everything, contrary to what people might assume in such a situation, is not same-same.  People are just different, and it is wise to encourage each woman to excel in what they do best.  While there needs to be some equitable division of chores and other responsibilities, some women love to cook more than others, while some like laundry better. 

In the end, no matter what persuasion you are from, it comes down to practical matters that allow many people to live in harmony together.  I cannot be a top down control, but rather a grass roots realization that we all work for the good of our family.  When the women all believe that loving one another and helping where they can help best is a great idea, everything works out pretty well.

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael

Nice to meet everyone,

I have looked at this site for a while and it is nicely done.  Until now, I haven't felt to join.  However, over the last couple of months I've felt that I should take a serious look. I feel like there is someone we ares supposed to meet here. So, we took the plunge!

What is most important in our lives is being Spirit led.  That is we want to hear what God speaks to us personally, and do His will when he wants to do it.  I mention this because it is an organizing principle of our entire family. 

We have a lot of experience with this type of life choice and know pretty much what works and doesn't work for us.  I believe that you first get to know a person, then meet them (fairly soon), and only after both people feel it is right, explore whether or not it is a good match. 

Additionally, we call ourselves Divine Mates and not polygamists.  We feel that marriage, as is commonly practiced, is not really what God intends.  Therefore, to us anyway, polygamy is just a bigger, badder for of marriage.  Therefore, what is most important in our estimation is a spiritual connection authored by God where everyone feels drawn together by His Spirit. 

Other than our life style, we are very ordinary and middle class American family.  We believe that people who are meant to be with us are a blessing and we will be a blessing to them.  To us, love only multiplies, it does not divide. 

I don't know if you can contact us or if we must contact you first.  We plan to say hi to few people that seem like they have something in common with us.  let's see where it goes from there. 

Big hugs and lots of love,

Michael and family